Kak Una got married!

My sister just got married!!!!!!!

I was SO excited, bc see... I finally get all the room to myself! uh oh you have no idea how I'd been dreading for this. thank you kak una for getting married! I love you even more now. haha

all that aside, the kenduri was so much fun. It felt so worth it. especially when everything was sacked clean by the guests— the food I mean. We had all sort of food, the modern catering dishes down to the peculiar yet delicious traditional thai cuisine, miang kham. everyone was so frantic about it that day. it was selling like hotcakes! I was too occupied with the chores, I only had one.... nevertheless, it felt more rewarding when the guests enjoyed it.

now that I look back, it's a miracle that I survived all the wedding preparations, from Along and all the way to kak una, making it four in total. phew. and there are still four weddings to go.. y'all this time I already got a room, next time better be a house or sumn. haha. jk.

anyway back to kak una. congratulations :') I am very glad she tied the knot with the love of her life and I pray nothing but for her eternal happiness and blessings. I pray she stays as radiant and delighted, just the way she has always been. I don't say this often to her face, so now I am writing it- kak una, that day you looked remarkably pretty that even with the minimal make-up and setting, you shined like a Queen.

slays

but duh today you are back to orang gaji fashion concept and I am.. utterly disappointed smh.

time flies huh? who knows what comes next. seven year-old me had never thought of the day the family would grow this big was coming, but today, here we are. 

sans sisters-in-law and my niblings.

My loyal, lovely watch.

My loyal, lovely watch. It's nothing fancy, you can even see the rust from the picture. but it's exquisite!

I bought this watch at a very cheap price from our local kedai, our frequent clock shop since I was little, and I have bought at least 3 watches there as I grow up. We watch the seller grows old, basically. An honest chinese man, probably in his 50s now.

aaaand.. that is why this watch is special. It is the epitome of my personality! I can't lose it. I would never want to and I hope I don't. As an avid minimalist, I always feel that it's enough for me to own just one watch my entire life, as long as it works. however, I had previously owned 4-5 watches and you might want to wonder why and what happened to my minimalist idea. (as someone who claims herself as one. rolls eyes)

here is the answer.

I have many bad traits- one of them is forgetting where I place my things and stuff. like, I could be putting my precious purse on the seat next to me, initially just for three seconds and end up realising I do not have it in my bag after I went home. That's how it has always been with my stuff, be it the biggest thing like my phone!

and yes, there goes all my entire watches that I lost. one of them was left in RnR somewhere, another one lost in surau ipba... hahaha ha...

thus, my current watch. many times I had lost my hope over this watch because I always, always forget to pick it up after placing it somewhere.

but every single time it happens, this lovely watch always makes its way back to me! I have left it in so many places, you name it. in the toilet, in surau ipba (again, tapi tak hilang), rumah sedara, everywhere! but it always always makes its way home, wrapped around my wrist in the end!

I love it. I love her. This watch is one of the few things that always reminds me how bad that trait is, and what I do to improve. Therefore, I don't plan on losing it anytime soon. I hope I don't. 

Sneaking Out to a Concert a Day Before My Exam

this was my first concert. also the first event I went to without telling my m- wait. scratch that. this was, as far as I can remember, my first time not telling my mom any of my business, at all. well, whose mother would allow her daughter to go to a concert, a night before her exam? asian mothers could never, I thought.

therefore I just went through it without telling her, with a courtesy of slipping my exam notes in between my stuff in the bag hoping I would read them, lessening the guilt of not revising the subject the night I was supposed to.

god knows how much I contemplated to post this picture on instagram that day, a month after it had actually passed. being me, I HAD ALWAYS wanted to post something that makes me extra, extra happy. at that time, all I cared about was posting that picture. sure I was worried, bc my mom follows me on instagram!

but I did post it anyway. 

and like a girl who just confessed, I threw away my phone right after I clicked 'post' and I found myself trembling, hard. chances were my mom was definitely going to scroll through her feed and saw that! I wished the words of "my heart is thumping loudly against my chest" could make a real sound so everyone could hear how loud it was. I waited for some moments after that and there was no call. no message. nothing. so maybe.. maybe I am okay.

and like any other day, I casually called her to talk about my days and I ended up tripping myself over the guilt I had.. lmao I really have to break it to her myself in the end, because it felt wrong to me T^T and it went like:

"Have you seen my latest post?"

"Hm"

"Do you.. know.. when was it?"

"No"

*nervous sweating* "Um it was right before my literature exam Ma"

"Okay"

"Mak tak marah?"

"Dah lepas kan. Sapa lagi yg pi?"

and I told her everything, the ticketing, my view that day, how I performed my Maghrib (important), who were the artists etc.

after some days it struck me, maybe, maybe my mom was waiting for me to tell her myself. maybe all I needed to do was just- tell her, myself. and I wonder what did she feel when she saw the post, was it anger because I went to a concert? or disappointment bc she knew that through my instagram instead of my own mouth? ....tbh high chances are maybe mak tak rasa apa-apa pun and I am just being dramatic right now. Hahaha

from that day onwards, I decided, it doesn't matter if I want to tell her earlier or later, I would never let her find out my days from instagram anymore... I hope so.

and I figured, my mom and dad are actually so cool about everything, probably because I am no longer below 18 now, and most importantly, it's because I know they have given me their trust so I don't think I want to break that. ever.

all I need to do is just, tell them.

and therefore that wraps up my first concert experience with Hajar and Kak Maine, seeing Red Velvet and NCT! FOR FREE. ihiks

Camping aka BIG

I went for a camp with my 50 other batch mates last week and oh me gerrrd if i could describe it in one word, it would be:

SATISFYING.

in term of everything.

the way i worked my sweat off (istg it was mega, major, hella tiring), the hours i spent to cuci pinggan and memasak instead of sleeping, and of course the fun and challenging activities I did with my friends- satisfying! feeling tu macam.. you know when something ends then you can't wait to go back and throw urself onto the bed bc you are So satisfied that everything is paid off? yes That.

honestly, even now im still not sure if i have qada' all the sleep i missed during the camp haha

we did activities like abseiling, rafting, kayaking, jungle trekking, masakan rimba, water confidence in the pool (yay berenang!) and ...cooking, for 6 kali sehari. /lap peluh/ and yeeeehaaaaw i Love All the activities! especially abseiling. killed it. ohoks. well, it was all fun and game for the activities until you are the ketua kumpulan for masakan so it gives you space to always be anxious tak ketahuan and you pulak jenis prefer doing things by urselves... imagine. Alhamdulillah my group mates were Oooookaaaay so my worries were for nothing.

to be very honest, i dislike giving orders. scratch that, i *Don't Know* how to give orders. i uncomfortably tried, and idk if i did good? lol but at least my kumpulan cooked so well! and i can't tell how grateful I was. Our delicious tomyam and scrumptious kueytiaw, the drinks. biarlah nak kata masuk bakul angkat sendiri pun ahaks bc most importantly, i learned a lot. it would get predictably boring if i were to write all.

last but not least, i know one thing for sure, that is, everyone wanted to go home asap. i mean, you could tell from our bulging eyes and our weary faces that we were silently pleading "Oh God, we can sacrifice anything and everything in exchange You send us home ASAP."

but I think what gave us away was the laaaast night during our final reflection. one cried, two cried, everyone cried. the chain didn't stop and it went all the way to our lecturer that everyone couldn't tahan their tears and you could hear the sobs. mine excluded bc i was too sleepy... my tears were robbed by my big yawns. but i felt the sorrow, the feelings shared, the nostalgia... needless to tell, i love the vibes. and after that night i guess everyone decided to be on the same boat, which is, agreeing that this camp is extraordinarily the best one. nevermind our sleepless, tiring days and nights, the memories created were too precious and priceless... I guess?

Wohoo! Rafting time! sangat enjoyable :(

What do I feel about becoming a teacher

I am not good with words, but I sure can tell when I first thought of it, I was scared. That might be an exaggeration for some of you who know me, bc to you, I might give off an image of a person that is not scared of anything...

When in truth, I felt extremely nervous, and afraid. Those feels did not come to haunt me until I was 3 days away from my first day of practicum. the thought of handling something, including kids in my case, had given me intense anxiety I never knew I had. All those subjects I scored A had never told me how to cope with this... and it made me felt like I was alone. (I mean, I am always alone tapi ish banyak cakap pulak)

HOWEVER,

the first day after I wrapped up my first class with the kids, I can confidently tell you that I was freed from all those feelings. I swear. Like, I had never been so certain in my life that this is what I have been wanting to do, and how happy I was (still am). idk if it's because of the autonomy I was given in class to control the kids, or maybe, it's the mere idea that I could work my brain off to think how to help the kids, and that there is an abundance of them in my mind in which I could have done had I been given more authority, time and money. It's so amusing that every lesson teaches me something new, things I could do to improve my teaching and particularly, myself. There's no space to get bored at all? and oh my my, wouldn't everyone like it? like being busy doing things you LOVE. 

oh, there was so much I wish I could change within the school itself too but that's for some years to come I guess uhu ajetnye :)

In short, I am happy. and may this happiness and joy of doing this work last until the day I decide there is something happier I can do, but for now, it's this- teaching the kids as their teacher. lastly Alhamdulillah, who could have known that the fragile me 3 days prior first day of my practicum would prefer teaching than attending classes...

time flies. haha.

Blissful Birthday

Alhamdulillah, I got to spend my 21st birthday in my hometown after so many years and honestly, like previous years, I did not expect much bc my fam rarely celebrates birthdays. We would usually wish each other and say goodbye. Therefore I am easily satisfied with anything. The older I get, the less expectation I have.

but this year, given the date fell on the same date as eid al-adha, I guess everyone felt like it was a chance for them to celebrate it and I still have no word to express my gratitude and gratefulness for having them in my life, my family and friends.

All the wishes, failed surprises (yes, surpriseS bc both my fam and my friends failed to surprise me hahaha), gifts, birthday song, movie date... If I were to die that day, I would die on cloud nine.

First of all, SFS were Such crackheads istg, they thought I would get sad over not getting my wish on 12am? they were being so obvious that they didn't wanna wish me so I'd already had an idea that they were going to surprise me that day -______-

and I was right. again, they were being VERY Obvious that they were getting me something from Dominos we went to. I felt so bad I couldn't stand the urge to tell them that

"OK GIRLS JUST LET IT OUT ALREADY I KNOW YOU GIRLS PREPARED SOMETHING"

but being an understanding friend, I played dumb. and acted surprised too. dang I should have had my Oscar trophy by now.

and yeah I brought hadif along too. he thought we were celebrating him (ugh kids) 

and after all the laugh and wishes, thanks to hadif, we went to watch boboiboy 2 which is.. 

oh m gee. it is So Amazing. we were all in awe (kids indeed always teach us something, thanks hadif) it was one of my best decisions ever. gone all my friends' perceptions about this movie (ive always been very fond of boboiboy though) I wanna watch it the second time.... I LOVE it.

now let's get to how I know my fam was going to surprise me. like any of my previous birthday my expectation was low so they actually had a chance to grandly surprise me.

but haziq decided to ruin it -_________-

when my bro and my SIL came back, they were supposed to put the cake in the fridge via back door so while they were in the middle of doing that, haziq was all around me smiling and obstructing me from walking anywhere 

LIKE PLEASE I WASN'T EVEN PLANNING TO GO AND SEE WHAT'S OUTSIDE IF IT AIN'T BECAUSE OF HIM THAT WAS STANDING ON MY WAY AND MADE ME CURIOUS. 

so I Went and straight away saw my SIL with a cake. it was really awkward bc I knew it was for me lol. I immediately turned to haziq and smacked his head, laughed and pretended nothing happened.

what's funnier, as they were caught red-handed, kak anih later came and convinced me that the cake was not for me. you all gotta see her facehahkghsdjkb

dia ingat aku bebudak ke hahahahahaha

that night when we were eating the most delicious bihun sup by our mom, they switched off the light and brought out the cake while singing a birthday song for me.

all of that for hadif to blow my candles -___________________-

yes, another dominos in the house haha

I feel so blessed Alhamdulillah. and thank you everyone for the wishes. I really, really appreciate them :)

Motivational Talk with My Pupils

last wednesday me and my other two practicum mates were given a chance to have a pep talk with the year-6 kids. the odds were the teacher somehow found out about our result and decided that we were an opportunity he didn't wanna miss.

so there we were that morning, scratching our heads, sighing and burying our heads down the table trying to figure out what we were going to talk about. we were expected to talk- as to inspire. so tell me, how a mere ordinary 21 year-old like me would be able to pull that?

nevertheless I still walked into the hall through their flaming gaze towards the front. their glowing eyes traced me as if I were to drop some magical tips for them to score their exam. I thought I would crumble out of nervousness but omg lol it was a whole lot different from my expectation because sitting in front of me that moment were the innocent souls whose future is lying bright ahead of them.

Immediately I regretted that I did not prepare myself enough other than a short note I scrabbled quickly before that session (it's helpful still.) but time was up to ponder over it so I picked the mic and started.

and fuh.

I had never felt this confident in my life- being able to deliver my stories, quite interestingly to the kids with full penang loghat.

I believe the major factor was because I spoke utagha kehkeh. like... that was incomparable. it's like the wall was instantly destroyed with it. powerful. I could see how I wasn't disappointing the kids. At least I could tell how they were attentive to my loghat aka my talk. lol.

It was a good experience after all. Who wouldve thought that?

In case you are wondering, yes I was saying

 "hampa tau dakkkkkk"

MyTown Date with Alyn

well, here we go again.

mytown mytown mytown..... when will Alyn and I ever grow up... like there's really no other place for us other than malls but whatever (rolls eyes) im gonna save this for another post.

*clears throat*

we were apart for a month so of course we I was all giddy and excited bc I missed her so much! (to slap her when I laugh out loud)

and oh oh! before we walk down the cheesy lane of my appreciative words to her, let me congratulate her for getting the first prize for her group research presentation they conducted in Russia! Alhamdulillah.

now back to the main event.

so this was our first meeting after she came back from Russia and even though I shouldn't have been expecting things from her (bc honestly her whole existence is enough for me), but still,

I was expecting things from her. hahaha

(but seriously though, I don't mind. I've told her before when we were? 16? that she could get me a rock and I'd still appreciate it)

but lmaoooooo who was I kidding... I went back with so many things she got me from Russia and I went (soft-eyes emoji)....

I love everything you got me Alyn, I am sure sfs would too.

and as if all of those were not enough... she got me a peripera lipstick as my early birthday present! ugh. how do I beat her now guys???? comment your ideas.

we then filled up our day by watching fast and furious aand omg we like it so much. highly recommended! Alyn couldn't keep her ass on the seat bc it was very thrilling and exhilarating!

I was like

calm
down,
Alyn.
/facepalm/

I also sat her down at the end of the movie bc I knew there was gonna be end-credits and holy, she really thought that was something only a genius could think of. like.. that's basic.

now to the most awaited event.

I finally had a hold of City Lights album Alyn bought for me. You know how she surprised me? she really pulled a "I already paid for it" word like a bomb. she Did That.

I was furious. Very. Furious. but it's always the thought that counts. I am more grateful than happy. This album now holds a lot more meaning than just being the album of my ultimate bias of 7 years. and I am glad Alyn is a part of it. I can't tell how much I really appreciate this. Oh alexa, maybe I teared up.

like look at it...

It is so elegantTT

Now time to walk on the cheesy lane, you guys may skip lol

Alyn, 

when we first knew each other in 2008, I swear to God that I had in my mind that I wanted to be your friend. you might don't remember this and you might think I am exaggerating, but I was so excited when we sat next to each other for the first time the same year. you know how I was always absent those years in sekolah arab...because I didn't have friends?

and seeing you having a physical fight with the boys had made me secretly wished that I was as sociable. honestly, I thought you were cool.

Therefore, my second attempt (I don't think it's an attempt, I just felt like it) was praising you in the mosque and even though you boastfully replied me (a foreshadow lol) I still didn't feel annoyed. 

Unfortunately, I preferred watching Dora than attending classes haha or we would have been good friends earlier.

but Allah's plan is always better. 

I recognized you instantly when I  first saw you shivering in front of our class in 2011! Yep! Like 'oh look, it's the same person I wanted to be a friend with three years ago!'

and like a knight in shining armor, I helped you and we became desk mates.

Fast forward to today, we are still the same young crackheads of when we first comfortably talked to each other.

All praises to Allah, The Almighty, The Best Planner of all.

okay alexa play been through by exo.

Letters for Me

I never thought I would do this letter thing, bc I wanted to keep it until my last day. but Oh god wouldn't I love this cheesy part (rolleyes) so yeah I did it, but this time around I told them I don't want sweet messages. Their letter should be anonymous, and they can complain about me if they want.

On God, I stressed many times to them to insult me if they want, or if they don't like my teaching, or if they found my class boring.

I forgot they were just kids, I guess they would be too innocent for that...

So.. sweet messages we go.

I read them in the car bc I couldn't wait (quickly regretted it, I forgot I tend to get dizzy reading in the car) but what else should I do? skip their letters? no lol I enjoyed their grammar errors...

In conclusion from what I read,

KIDS.

ARE.

SO.

CUTE.

I SQUEALED.

They boosted my confidence, changed the way I walk and talk (like tiberrr today I put an accent in class when I talked), enhanced my vocal, cleared my skin and improved my grades. I feel like these letters are EVERYTHING. IDK if you could see how sentimental these letters would be for me..

but in 10 years, one day, as I would be searching for my husband's tools to repair the bulb (honestly do we need TOOLS to repair a bulb? IDK), he would come and say "Sayang, isn't this yours.." and I would be amused, bc there is this little box, carrying all the letters.

I WOULD. CRY. So Badly. 

(not bc of the letters but, oh my God, my husband called me sayang?) hahahaha ok jokes aside, I would kneel down and read them back one by one as tears would roll down my cheeks..... and my husband would cry along too bc he couldn't see me sad!!! (..nyempat)

but you get the gist.

I would be so sad... I've grown so fond of them, imagine NOT waking up to go to their class but to IPBA.... oh my my..

Here are most of the letters (if there are more, I would update them) they are so sweet aren't they? (pleading-eyes emoji)

I don't deserve them, cries.

My EXO's Lightstick!

It's always an exciting piece of writing when I type down about the thing that I like and isn't it clear by now what or who I like???? I mean.. remember EXO?? ..is it familiar now?

It's a well-known analogy among my close friends that if EXO ever asked me to buy a whole damn closet full of their merchandises, I would (luckily they don't or it means we going starving lol.)

I had been waiting for their company, (let's call it capitalistking) to restock exo's lightsticks  (ttoridibong) because they were out of order for a year? and I was so desperate I even had to borrow my friend's when I went to their concert last year. that was why I dropped everything when capitalistking announced they were opening a pre-order for a new version of ttoridibong and I didn't even give it a second thought to purchase it.

Like it's so ridiculous how I often take at least a day to decide where I am going to eat, but there I was that day - a changed person.

Things exo gets me to do still amazes me.

Last Saturday, I went to pick up ttoridibong and here's a funny TMI that day.

I wore my make up, picked a new shirt, and actually cared about how I looked, like I was going for a blind date when really, it was just a 2-seconds meet-up to take my ttoridibong lmaoo (girl really thought she did something.) It was the shortest hour I'd ever been outside bc I went back just right after I looked for triple A batteries for my new baby. I remember clearly I was walking with this idiot smile on my face and anyone who noticed me would think I was in love. hahaha I wouldn't deny that.

It took me a whole hour to process everything and like actually, CARED for ttoridibong like my own baby (it is my baby!) and omg it's so pretty, we had a fun photoshoot at every angle possible bc it is That charming! worth every penny I had spent haha. The unboxing session was even more fun. My roommates weren't home so I had a blast recording myself like I was this huge superstar on Youtube haha.

Here is one of my favourite photos I had taken of ttoridibong (it is its ACTUAL name, given by our fandom. yes Alyn, stop laughing.)

oh my, flawless!

Seeing Good in People

So I was sitting at the back of the car when I thought .. fuh I am such a horrible person. Here let met me tell you what I did.

Few days back, I (maybe) had little conflicts with some people (or maybe myself) and instead of choosing to be rational and quiet, I battled with myself and told my roommate about the conflicts I was facing. and ofc, my view was bias, now that I think of it, bc I was more to defending myself than actually explaining what happened. I was only based on my hateful feeling and I realized I pointed fingers to others more than reflecting myself. I had this thought at the back of my mind that moment,

'...ah enough of being kind..' so I told everything to my roommate, my dissatisfaction, their faults and more.

now back to me at the back of the car looking far into the jammed road full of Mercedes and BMWs when I finally realized that ...wow I am horrible.

I really shouldn't have done that.

One thing that I always pray to God is to always let me see kindness in people no matter how bad, or how much I dislike them, and God grants me just That.

Just right after that happened, I see more and more reasons to actually appreciate them, even though I dislike them in certain ways, but there are more cases where I am fond of them. and out of sudden, the words I had told my roommate echoed in my head, and I felt so embarrassed, to Him, and to myself.

One lesson I got from this is to always keep our mouth shut, especially when it's on the verge of bursting curse words, hateful remarks or worst, bringing up the kindness we did to someone, just bc we didn't feel appreciated enough. be earnest, and sincere. be kind, and loving. Istighfar when we accidentally cross the line. Trust me, you don't wanna lose your points!

Good Morning, Miss.

tomorrow will mark the fourth week of me putting on my stilettos, trying to look taller than all the kids in the school. I don't know if it's too early to say that I really like to be around the school again, except now with different goals, agendas and mission.

A trainee-teacher.

whom kids would either respect, or be looking away out of disgust. Ok I exaggerated a bit about the latter one, kids are too innocent to even know what they are doing- which falls back upon me, and the other teachers to educate them with a spice of passion. ewah.

I've had this at the back of my mind before, about kids nowadays have changed. Indeed, I do see it, but one thing is that, they are really just- kids. In my humble opinion, the parents are mostly the root of the problems we see today especially of this era of materialism. like hello? some parents don't even know how to treat their kids properly at home that they try to put everything on the school to treat them better. idk but that's how 21-year-old me think.

but honestly, that should be the least matter I should be worried about, because I am more compassionate to teach the kids over their parents... the latter are grown-ups, they should be able to teach themselves.

of their "good morning miss" at school, and their other simple greetings, their happy (or bored) faces when I teach, or when they are doing their work, of the stars I have rewarded them that have lit up their faces, of their eagerness to answer the questions I throw, and more and more, I know this is the road I am excited to walk on, which I hope someday would open abundance of opportunities for me to expand myself to being a good teacher. Aamiin.

Really, who would have thought I would fall this soft for the kids... I hope this would last, for each and everyone of them. May He always store in me the biggest patience and perseverance, and elevate my rank to be in those who do their work earnestly! Aamiin!

Sleepclumsyness

The clock was ticking,

beads of sweat were dripping down everyone's forehead, and Pak Cik snarled,

"Lain kali sakit bagitau awal!" as he drove through the bumpy road towards the nearest clinic in town that would at least take us 45 minutes to arrive.

The boys at the back were praying, as the girls in front were busy tilting Joshi's head so she wouldn't throw up in the van. I was sitting by the window when I looked back and found the boys were making jokes in between their prays, probably trying to calm everyone down. Silly. I was too sleepy to crack some jokes along so I placed my head on the window, hoping I could doze off to Pak Cik's speedy drive. 

We arrived and I made way for Joshi to get out of the van, with no intention of accompanying her at any chance given. There were already two girls volunteering themselves, and it was late at night. I desperately needed the sleep after two days of hitting the bed in morning hour.

Before I could get into the van again, the van moved... so I quickly held the door as it was moving while screaming

"Pak Cik jangan tinggal saya!!!" panic was evident in my voice. 

The van stopped and I heard Pak Cik mumbling something I couldn't register in my head.

As soon as I was trying to get in, the van moved again. I was furious. Still holding to its door while it was moving, I cried, 

"Pak Cik Saya Tak Nak Duduk Sini Saya Nak Balik, Jangan Tinggal Saya!!"

I was heard! 

Afraid that the van would drive away again, I quickly hopped into the van and as soon as I sat down, I looked up only to catch everyone worryingly staring at me, their eyebrows curled up.

There were at least a few seconds of silence before Pak Cik broke it with an angry bellow under his breath,

"Pak Cik nak kona bukan nak balik!"

:)

Told ya I was sleepy.

Being Comfortable

"Don't you have any other tudung than this black shawl???"

"Can you wear blouse at least???"

are what I often get when I want to go have a day out with my siblings, or at least what I think of when I look at myself in the mirror. Well....

the answer is no, sadly. 

I have other tudung I swear to God but one that could be on par with my black shawl in terms of its comfiness and coziness? nope. tell me where could I get such tudung who serves its master right when it is needed, without pleading to be ironed and taken care of? like I could find it at the bottom of the piles of other clothes and it would still say, 

"Yes ma'am I am at your service."

nah we all have this kind of tudung aren't we? but mine unfortunately don't breed bc I don't. spend. much. on. outfits. (waittilligetajobandahusbandipromiseiwilldobetter)

now, blouse. I don't have any lol. maybe one, and that was when I thought I could look cool wearing it to exo's concert (big mistake, it crumpled so badly, like BADLY) so it kinda ruined the idea for me bc I have already initially disliked blouses, and that day had convinced me that I am undeniably right #TeamJersey

plus, you can get two jerseys at the price of one blouse at Brands Outlet. Pick a smarter choice.

Anyway this is me writing this at 21 years old, let's see if I will get there one day ..maybe I will. Maybe. (andagainthatdaywouldbewheniaminlovewithsomebody)

Count Your Blessings

I am overwhelmed with the blessings I have in life right now. people say, count your blessings, and that's what i actually do, looking pass every bad encounters to just embrace the blessings showered upon me. so what if I feel like life is unfair to me about certain things? there are so much more to see (and count) other than just isolating myself in a shell of ungratefulness, uncertainties, anxieties and sadness.

Before, I had reached one point where I had no feeling to repress at all, my communication wall was blank. I really wouldn't have noticed it this sooner if my roommate didn't show her concerns. I wasn't depressed? (at least that's what I think) because if I were to be honest, it's all Science, like I am sure you have heard about hormonal changes? well? 

However, I knew that wasn't me, my hormones have been with me for so many years, they would never do me dirty like that (drama sangat!) so I kept praying and praying that May Allah guide me through, it was suffocating, I hated it.

and that's how it happened- I started seeing layers and layers of blessings I should have counted from the very beginning.

be it me myself, my family, my friends, the condition I am in. for I realise when I started to count, I turn more to Him to express my gratitude and gratefulness, and indeed, as He promises, 

"If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]" 14:7

He did, in a way that I see more and more about my life. I wouldn't dare saying that I would never fall into this shithole again, of feeling uncertainties and sadness, but at least now I know how to count my blessings.

After all, we are all humans He created, so we are gonna have all sorts of feelings- happiness, madness, anger, annoyed, sad, lonely ..all. He knows, that is why, to Him we should turn for the remedies, giving us more in return in ways we could never imagine. Trust me, everything will start to fall into its place once you count your blessings and be grateful to Him. As easy as saying Alhamdulillah!

How college changed me

How college changed me?

The answer is, a lot. except that I am still messy.

First, I learn going out on my own. You know? the whole me before 2016 would be shocked. who would have thought the girl who couldn't even walk pass by a stranger alone could finally go out, take a bus, eat, hang out- all Alone? this whole cycle teaches me lots of things. one of them is- nobody cares about you, so carry yourself, Yourself.

Secondly, (god forbid any of you bringing this up in front of me) my college teaches me how to be grateful. as a fully functioning annoying and fussy human being, I know I badmouth a lot about the condition and facilities in this college, but at the end of the day, God always leads me back to see how things are worse outside, heck some would even do anything to be in my shoes. My mom always stresses me about this, I hardly ever hear her complains. So when I do, she would shut me real quick with words like, 'be patient for Allah wouldn't burden a soul beyond what it can bear'. simple but when uttered by your Mother, it soothes every single burning cell in your body, so you are back to "Ok I am chill now" mark as life goes on while you count your blessings. Well, not until you encounter another problem and there comes again the cycle.

Next, most of my friends before would agree that I was an extrovert, heck even I thought so. but being here, surrounded by housemates who prefer their lone time more than our group time, I found myself following their suit. and I like. it. not attaching yourself to someone really make you stress-free. I get to know myself better too, especially on what /I/ want. All thanks to them. I love them so much. I am never restricted to hold onto my own opinion even if it is different from theirs. We fight and we correct each other, without any sarcastic remark and any personal feelings involved or without any unnecessary rolling eyes needed. Gossip? this is the best part of my housemates. We speak little about other people... like honestly. Is this how an adult life like? bc... I kinda like it but I hate the fact that I am /gasp/ 21 now..... what. the. apple.

My housemates are really like my family. Maybe because when I am with them, I am 95% myself so I am always super happy. Ok enough about housemates I am gonna end up writing a whole post about them. With that I wanna correct myself: My housemates are annoying I Hate Them. Thank you.

All these changes weren't the one I had in my mind when I prayed to Him to give me friends and surrounding that would strengthen me, way before I came here.

You know what I had in mind? strength from people who would /support/ whatever I do or think. but you see what He gave me? Circle of friends of the complete opposite. and with that, I gain strength of gripping myself better than I ever did before. His plans are indeed the best! in a way I got what I had prayed for too! Alhamdulillah.

also the most prominent change in myself is my melatah has switched from "oh mak hang" to "oh mak Kau" ah, am i Proud.

Swing Kids and Kyungsoo's Birthday Events

ok holla everyone, last saturday was a blast for me (and alyn but who cares about her here) I was already so excited to hear that kyungsoo's movie was coming on Jan, so everyday after the 8th I checked on gsc website to book the ticket! phew that effort. but of Course the ticket wasn't out yet bc "let's make hasanah even more anxious!" was the concept they went after. lame.

and after all the wait and drain, ewah and the urge from alyn herself (idk what her right was to force me to buy them tickets early), we booked 12th Jan ticket- (kyungsoo's birthday!) at MyTown. Yes MyTown, that one mall we make a routine to buy oden at its FamMart? we grabbed our quick breakfast there and (again) I dragged Alyn to GSC bc this girl thought this business wasn't serious. excuse me, my man was gonna be on that big screen, we've gotta be there at least 30mins before the hall opens?!?!

...but lol the hall only opened 3mins before the show started... apparently bc the staff forgot. smh.

I was thankful for that actually. There was Goobne Chicken store near GSC and there were exo cut boards around! my heart jumped in so much joy!!!! Alyn just had to utter,

"Your Face Looks So Happy, o m g"

and she gave me her fake disbelief look, and dared to roll her eyes too. this girl was lucky I was in a very bright mood.

and lol I was also legit tearing up (bc I smiled so widely) people are gonna say I was /again/ dramatic but being there with cut boards EXO and my bestfriend, made me felt so overwhelmed! I mean, look at the pictures below!

my smile was so genuine and yes hasanah, you. looked. so. happy. meanwhile alyn...

Swing Kids was beyond my expectation. I was scared I wouldn't like that movie and all those good reviews just came from fans, but it's doh kyungsoo! He almost never disappoints me with his acting project. Quoting from Alyn, a non-fan (and not bc I shoved a knife on her throat),

"I give this movie 5 out of 5 stars"

and I beamed with a super proud smile. hiks. you really gotta watch the movie yourself and you'll see why people like it So much! Speaking of this movie, I miss Roh Ki Soo ;(

Have I told you all 12th Jan is also kyungsoo's birthday? perfect. after dining at seoul garden hotpot, I was eager to bring Alyn to see how fandom works on members' birthday! we went to two kyungsoo's birthday events and I was again So DELIGHTFUL, HAPPY, and EXCITED! See it for yourself I guess?

Ha jk. There's nothing much to see.

All in all, I would like to thank Alyn for her willingness to follow me around frankly because she loves seeing me happy. (she said) uwu friendship goals. (well not until she Had to embarrass me in front of other exo-ls attending the events with her fake exo-ls accent! shameful!)

and at the end of the day, I called my mom to say,

"Mom I am so happy!!!! eee!!"
"EXO?"

dang. (Not motherly instinct, she saw my ig stories lol)

I think I was so happy simply bc I could fully be myself with Alyn around like, I could go alone or with others but I don't think I would be That happy???

(in 3seconds, count how many time I wrote 'happy' in this post ...tang!) and lastly,

to more years of you suffering listening to me, Norazlyn, muah.