2018 in conclusion

(I know there are 5 days more before we step into the new year but I'm pretty sure I am going to be busy by then bc back to Ipba... well)

2018 had been a good year for me, like real good, Alhamdulillah. if you have ever hurt me, don't worry! I'd probably forgiven you! (sbb tak significant, tak ingat. wek) (tbh I don't really cry over random people, it was mostly bc of exo or when I suddenly miss my family uhu)

btw, I would name this year as - A Step. (See? I've been living for 20years now and it's only been a step. ONE. smh farhan hasanah (but it could be because im just bad at naming things, or year here lmao)

I think Ramadhan this year was absolutely beautiful and meaningful. Other than what I've told in my previous post, (click here to read) my siblings and I ventured into- business (my bro's) and anyone could tell I disliked being a part of it, at first. but seeing my siblings' enthusiasm actually made me blend in. A lot of experiences I gained there.

and no, I still don't like it but not as much as before anymore! I started my own massage counter remember? That, I believe bc of this impact haha (so that's the step)

and then to meeting EXO! first time! (another step here) Never been so happier than that day. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the highlight of my 2018! meeting my boys and actually watching them perform right before my eyes, touching the barricade. What a bliss. 

also, 2018 is the year I gained a bit of confidence in my writing. It's not that it's great, but at least now is better than the 19 year-old me's writing. got lots of online mutuals in the process too, I am very very glad.

also in my urut! thanks to kakti, kama and kak maine! if not because of their hype and support... I wouldn't get to taste my own hard-earned money.

about my study, well... does being a script-writer count? haha and lastly,

to all the people who made my year 2018 This memorable, thank you! (or didn't make, for eg: kem unit beruniform lol) even though i love learning about ikatan!!!!! until when I tried applying it in reali life and omeone really just came to tell me

"IKAT JE LAH MACAM BIASA"

uhm k :c baru semangat.

....now into 2019! whoops I am going to be a year older..... whatever. there are still stuff about me that 2018 hasn't beat- my fear towards commitment, how I cope with laziness and ill feelings towards certain people, and a loooot more. I hope I could improve on those. Gonna leave them to 2019!

last but not least, I wish nothing but goodness to me and everyone around me. thank you!

Do what the doctors say

when I tell you to just do what the doctor says, do it!!!!! don't act a genius, don't go against them, if they say something that hurt you, instead of sighing to them, understand that you lack something which they don't, apologise to them and promise to follow whatever they say, they are doctors, and you.. you are not.

(Ok the last few sentences are obviously meme I took from twitter)

anyway,

my shoulder is the walking example of what could happen if you don't listen to them.... it's still so painful every now and then.. this is why. if my child ever do what I did, imma pull his or her sideburns- both sides!!! (mak where were you at that time...)

so first, imma flaunt myself- I was a fighter. long story short, I injured my shoulder in a softball game when I slid past the catcher and she butchered me in an attempt to tag me out at home plate (THE UMPIRE CALLED SAFEEEE - ONE POINT TO GRYFINDORRRR)

and by the time I realised I was already on the way to the hospital. lol. 

which I didn't understand why... bc I was fine though... except my shoulder....?

I knew exactly where that was going, the doctor was surely gonna refrain me from playing the next day, which was also the last day of the tournament. unacceptable!!! bc hello? I was one of the important players! (flips hair, I was the catcher) and so, I was very determined that whatever this doctor was gonna say, I was definitely going to go against him.

yes him. bc I remember he was bald lol. so the whole time he was checking my shoulder I told him I was okay, and asked him to allow me to play.

I shouldn't have done this but bc I am (self-claim) honest, I begged him to tell me it's okay. and when he didn't, I told him he was wrong (the audacity)

The whole session I argued with him that I knew myself and what my shoulder was capable of (bullsh*t) and please y'all he was so frustrated, he told me "kamu rasa kenapa kepala saya botak??? saya kata kamu tak boleh main!"

I was like *hold my tears* SO WHAT???????? (dalam hati)

....ok doctor you were lucky my teacher was with me, or else /rolls up sleeves/ I will... eeeeee..... (I know I sounded dumb but please I was 16)

so you know I had to go back wearing the arm sling.... and my stubborn self... really took it out right after my teacher dropped me. idk what went on my mind (but uhhh so wild 16-year-old farhan hasanah!) if I hadn't done that this pain wouldn't have obscured me forever. and even wilder, the next day I still played... I mean ofc my coach was on the doc's side.. but I still played when my friends were training. istg it was actually painful but I was a good (and stupid) actress....

hope that gives you a lesson bc really... you don't want to go against them, ever! the next time I ever meet that doctor I'll apologize... bc indeed, you are bald for a reason *cries in a shoulder-crack language*

Sem Break

holla everyone! how's your day? mine is ...alhamdulillah excellent! Just having another chance to live today make me so grateful and happy. I had few goals in my mind before I went home this break and one of them was to get a part-time job. Alhamdulillah this was rather easy so yeah landed myself a job almost immediately after I went home.. and the best thing is.. my day off is on Monday! How brilliant? and bc my boss is my bro so like...

it's good to have a say on everything you are asked to do. for example of when exo had their broadcast last night and I asked him to come straight after his work so I could go home early or when you want your day off, or when you want to eat, you just order. lmao my working ethics but hey I have never had my day off yet so 10points for me haha truthfully it was tiring to see my bro, idk why he had to choose this career when he already has a very stable job (but nah imma pretend I understand and bc he just likes Business) but what I don't understand is probably the way he turned down so many great offers from overseas so that he could take care of his business (bc hello you can hand it down to me?? LOL) but as a good and obedient little sister who probably has no significant in his life, I am going to support him.

and! second goal was picking up my reading. I used to read a lot when I was 17 so I bought lots of books and until today, 3 years later, I still haven't finished most of them.. typical fake enthusiastic girl haha (and bc I am more caught up with fanfics online which Is So Good Y'all really won't have any idea if you never read them) so uhm proud to say I have read two books this entire break..?

I had so many other goals but I don't think it's ever worth mentioning bc it's just things lads usually do in the house with family which I am so grateful for (until farhan hanis had to barged into my room and annoy me EVERY SINGLE SECOND and so I asked her to compensate it by treating me. always work) and I have the whole room to Myself...... bc farhan husna is currently away from home... super great. but not great realising you have less people treating you food bc farhan hanisah is also away :/ and aurora my niece!!!!! my sem break is definitely brighter bc of her haha

This is how my sem break is! and needless to say... exo too.... uhm nevermind......

(ha folks You Thought!)

EXO REALLY SAID LET'S MAKE HASANAH'S SEM BREAK MORE MEANINGFUL THIS YEAR. oooffffsh gotta love my men! Thanks!

Class Drama '18

tesl students and dramas cannot be separated. i repeat. canNOT.

it was fun for me at least! i prayed all day for me not to get chosen as a prop leader whatever, or anything to art leader- and yay! Alhamdulillah!

There were times I was frustrated, mad and annoyed but thinking that everyone was probably trying their hardest to show their best, I just- aww lil munchkin it's okay you did a good job <3

Talking about that... I always feel the need to assure people they are doing fine, maybe because I wish people would do the same for me kahkah 

wait omg im so annoying. let's get back on the drama track.

oh there was one thing exhibition team had asked- childhood photos. i messaged my fam and they said i had none. lmao. ok. (all the conspiracies of me being adopted is probably true now) so I handed in my sis' childhood photo and I feel so... sorry for everyone who was fooled thinking it's me😔 it's not like we sisters had any difference anyway zzzzz

I took a role of a scammer too, close to a witch idk..? it was just a minor role. there were times I felt tired practicing and helping other teams but I think it all worth it? and I am so gonna miss it but to go through it again??? LOL NO. THANKS.

aaaand we did an excellent job on the stage!! Mr. VC even asked us to perform this drama on other stages and to never stop acting.. haha i cringed so badly but.... thanks.. I guess.. and to the audience who came in a swarm to congratulate and say that they enjoyed our stage.. thank you hihi

that's all! bye!

My first heartbreak

Oh if you think my first heartbreak was because of love, you are wrong. The farthest memory I had of the word and feeling “heartbreak” was when I was 7 years old. I remember shedding so much tears when this happened. Hm what could a seven-year-old be crying about? Toys???? Wrong. Biasness??? Try again. Tripping over something?? Big fat NO. Coloring competition???

Oh heck YES

Look, I didn’t even understand why would I cry over something so petty like that? I didn’t even go TO win, I just went there because it was compulsory for year 1 pupils. But why oh why did I cry so hard? Not just one time but twice! (firstly, when they announced the winner and it wasn’t me (I expected that but I still cried lol) and secondly was when I told my father that I didn’t make it (WHILE crying)

So uhm why did I even cry again?

Okay, let’s put the blame on my father (haha jk) but for real though, I still remember clearly he told me “Hasanah, kaler bagi cantik and menang!”. If it wasn’t because of those words he uttered, I wouldn’t have cared. Tbh, when I was given the paper, I still didn’t care. You see, I wasn’t good in art, any form that links to it. None. Therefore, my kinesthetic ass decided to go around talking, helping others picking their color pencils while ignoring mine. LOL.

Well, not until the teacher informed that there were only several minutes left for us to finish the coloring. Aaaaand that’s when I panicked because I remembered something- oh! 

MY FATHER ASKED ME TO WIN!!!! HE’D BE DISAPPOINTED IN ME!!! I HAVE TO WIN THIS!!!!

So I cried right THERE and THEN because lol you bet? My paper! I still haven’t colored them!!!!!! I could only see his face when he told me to do my best and win it. I didn’t do both.

Because of my dramatic cry, I managed to gather my friends to help me finishing the job. THAT, also I did while crying …damn it my memory is too good to forget that I cried while maundering under my broken sobs- “abah aku suruh aku menang….TTTTTTT” to my friends. Eeee embarrassing hahaha why did I even- nevermind. Apa yang penting? Kerjasama!

Even so, it’s cute how I still held a little wish to win when it’s obvious…. that.. hm… lol.. that’s probably why I cried so hard. Because I was hoping too much haha

Whatever to all of that because what abah said the next second I told him was- “lahhhhhh tak apalaaaahhhhh, nanti cuba lagi”

Abah for real la? After all the embarrassing stunt? -__-

So, when we were little...

I don’t remember specifically HOW I grew up, but I knew I had many siblings and that my family was big. Therefore, my childhood revolved just around them? Their friends were my friends, and this kampong was a whole lot merrier than it is now. I wonder why? 

There used to be just few houses here in my kampong so what was left for us was either the messy bushes or still-in-building houses. Now, all the free tapaks had been replaced with real houses haha how time flies. Back then, the free tapaks were our playground, I remember. Imagine, we had even played hide-and-seek in this entire kampong. I remember hiding at my neighbour’s balcony and they didn’t care! Sometimes when we were tired, the pakcik and makcik would even make us drinks. That was how small my kampong was, we knew each other so well. I was only little at that time so alang and my sisters took care of me a lot.

And then comes my house. It was the center to all kids in this kampong (I believe still is, to my friends) It was because my parents didn’t care as much as other parents did- so all kids resorted here. We didn’t have a spacious field to play football but my house compound. Tuju kasut, football, teng teng, everything.. now let me count those I remember.. well there were perhaps more than 10 of us. My parents were honestly saints. 

When we had ps1, they even came into the house to play, making my home as theirs long before the phrase “buat mcm rumah sendiri” came out. Even worse when we had ps2 and my parents, they still didn’t care. All I remember about my childhood was that, I played outside a lot. Mingling with others too. Compared to now… well, even then we had a big thick-ass computer! Hello! I played Mario! But none of that could compare to playing with my siblings and their friends outside.

Funny moments? Let’s not get me started. Every time we settle ourselves in kak anih’s room we would always bring back those funny and childish childhood memories of ours. Back then it was serious but thinking back now, they were all so funny. Our fights, our plays, our hidden agendas we planned, our white lies, everything.

I never realized how tired my parents were, especially my Mom when she handled little us. All I knew was that we were never left to starve and that the food was glorious and delicious. I feel sorry for her and I can never imagine being in her shoes. Ever. (Tearing up a little bit as I am thankful for her, and my Dad)

Ah those times, were all happy times. Why do I feel like the years, when I was a child had gone like they were just a day? Too fast. I don’t think I have savored them enough. Well, I didn’t know I would grow up this fast, did I? But what I certainly know is that I can’t wait to tell my future kids, in details, how I grew up! (it’d be too long to write here tbh) telling them because in this era, most kids would never get to experience our kind of childhood anymore, will they?

The Ultimate 10

the ultimate last 10!!!!! days!!!! of Ramadhan!!!! (although we are left with just 6 nowㅎ) For ramadhan, I always strive to make the most out of it so I could brag about it to myself, for the past years. I mean, I want to proudly say to one-year-ago me that I manage my deeds better this year. Honestly there's nothing more meaningful than to beat your own self in records, deeds and achievements. but sometimes, (I mean most of the times) I lay back too much too.. but hey! that's when I get to be in my reflective mode and start to fight again!!! I guess being away from home (home is a distraction in disguise) and around friends of the same goals for Ramadhan really posed an advantage for me. Alhamdulillah sangat-sangat. If I were alone, I could have not done better. but I wish I could tell myself that it's fine to be alone too bc that way, I can be the influencer, the starter. ha... and now back to me when I arrived home. I had my period as soon as I reached here and ya Allah, I was so ashamed of myself, probably still is. After all the favors He had showered upon me, His Mercy that He never fails to prove me.. idk man. BUT for He is The Most Forgiving, The Exceedingly Beneficent.. remember, He'll always be there to forgive us.. repentance is literally the only thing we need. Imagine committing sins worth a mountain but all those are ceased to nothing just by laying your head down on the prayer mat, reflecting. Oh You, indeed is The Most Merciful. Seek for it while we are still given the chance- this life. Now fast-forward to the start of last 10 days of Ramadhan. Alhamdulillah. This blog was meant to be just for myself but since I have like 4 readers now (lol) I'll just let you know that Ramadhan this year could totally pass as a mentor to my next one, at least in few aspects because I know I am still lacking in lots of things... I swear. But anyway, I still feel so so blessed that I am given such invitation from Him in terms of health and will to perform the best I could in this Holy Month. Greatly thanks to my parents and SFS Home isn't a place of distraction after all! I can't already wait for next Ramadhan already Ah.. how fun Ramadhan is (and other months too) when you can practice ﻓَﺎﺳْﺘَﺒِﻘُﻮﺍْ ﺍﻟْﺨَﻴْﺮَﺍﺕِ. Be competitive in doing good deeds, not only with others, but also within ourselves! It's never too late as long as we are still breathing just fine. Do anything we could to give our best! Often we seek for excellence in duniawi, sometimes we forget that there's another place for us to work on- akhirah! and That dear self, serves as a reminder to me too, most importantly. With that, thank you!

My ticket to EXO Planet #4 – "The EℓyXiOn"

SCREAMS

yes, yes and yes yes!!!! you are right! I AM INVITED!!!! This girl is finally going to meet EXO at their concert here in KL,  in 38 days!!!!! YOU HEAR ME WAILING? ;A;

First of all, I would like to tell you how extremely nervous I was the whole time after they had announced the seat (only the seat! not yet the ticketing details!) because of the 'what ifs' that were clouding my mind (ugh me) I nearly broke down AND YA ALLAH YES MY ANXIETY WASN'T HELPING. AT ALL.

When they announced the seating, I have already had which area I wanted to buy, for me for sure Rock Zone! because I want to be closer to the stage! not that Cat 1 isn't near, but I know I would prefer standing at a concert that I would go gaga over at.

After the ticketing details were out, I straightly ordered someone to buy it for me. It took a whole lot of courage from me to finally pay someone bc apparently, trust is nearly as expensive to give to a stranger. I was contemplating real hard and that's when I got Alyn to help. Called her, forced her to comfort and say to me that it's fine haha (typical me) Who knows if she's a scammer right? but yay, I am happy that I was wrong.  Thanks to the dealer's wondrous effort of staying there for three days, I've finaly gotten my own ticket. and thanks alyn layan aku the WHOLE time I was dealing with the seller (nasib baik umobile free call uhu)

aaaaand Thank God the seller didn't run with my money y'all or the title would have been "I WAS SCAMMED, NEVER AGAIN" idk.

Funny thing was, I should had been more nervous about my exam (which fell on the same date of ticketing day!) but all the fuss of me couldn't sleep properly was only bc I heard the ticket was selling fast, and that I, might not get the ticket. Oh, what a hardcore. You should have just studied bc you would get it girl, ugh.

I remember telling myself NOT TO GO OVER THIS PHASE EVER AGAIN bc the overwhelming feels I had felt that day was totally beyond what I could handle. Nervous (how many time have I written this?), frustated, anxious, you name it! hdjjssjhjd anyone could tell that I was not! prepared! haha but anything for EXO I guess?

bc after all, this girl is going to meet EXO, at last! 

SEEYA BOYS!

#Olympics_EXO

I want to be able to look back at this post and admire the biggest love I would ever have for someone in my life hence I am writing this.

I have been stanning them since 2012. It's been 6 years and my love and pride for them are still growing, even bigger at that. I am ridiculous yes. anyway back to the topic, today, 25/2/2018, another history is marked under EXO's belt. wallahi my chest was bursting with so much pride and still is. EXO, the "Nation's Pick" has successfully performed at Olympics Closing Ceremony stage! yes O L Y M P I C S. it will take another 20 years for another Olympics to be held in Korea and they, out of all Kpop acts, were chosen for thIS era. The era I am living in. I couldn't describe what I feel. I squealed so hard that I woke up my roommate in shock (sorry za, I didn't mean it. I was just too excited and I forgot you were sleeping...)

like I don't care if Olympics are insignificant to others, but it is not, to me. this is probably one of the events that brings the whole fandom together at a time like, it's too overwhelming and I can't really describe. (I am silly I know haha)

I have yet to download EXO's whole performances but I tell you.. IT WAS EPIC. THEY WERE AMAZING. I HAD GOOSEBUMPS ALL OVER AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. (oops sorry for the capslock, not sorry) 

.

I really wish I could meet them and when it happens, I think I would be the happiest girl on earth.

Tiring Dilemma

Oh I love buying things (like who doesn't) but the phase of BEFORE and AFTER buying the thing always always and always burdens me. I always have my sisters and parents in my mind before I buy something (like is it FAIR for me to buy this when my siblings don't? and my parents! they work so hard for me to buy... things?) and after buying it? THE WORST. I would contemplate for days especially when I feel unsatisfied with it (which happens like MOST OF THE TIME)

I don't have to bring old memories, it legit happened just now. 

Ok, previously I had Innisfree Jeju Volcanic Clay Mask on my buying list but because of the "BEFORE phase of buying things" I told you above, I decided I didn't wanna buy it.

but this annoying roommate of mine (not surprise) cunningly  persuaded me that I should treat myself sometimes (wth she's saying, I've always had good time spending money on fancy food when I go out kot??)

but being the forgetful me, I bought her words (oh my god I HAVE ONLY BOUGHT PERIPERA 2 DAYS AGO TOO WHY THE FRUIT I LISTENED TO HER *shoves knife to saza*)

so like people often do, I added the stuff into my cart and *kaching* paid for it! (haha I deadass woke up, signed up for hermo and straight away bought it sdfjkslds I swear my roommate's a witch!) and then after a few minutes bla bla, I got triggered- it's like my body alarmed all my cells to like 

"GATHER EVERYONE, TIME TO GET ANXIOUS!" all because I felt unsatisfied and yeah I could imagine all my cells running here and there, creating chaos. just like me.

so what I did was I opened lots of new tabs, just to see the review (again!), got assurance from my roommate (haha freak, again), told my concern in SFS (sound suuuuper annoying too, can't be helped), also to my sis (the most helpful) and lastly, kakti (who's next to my room). THAT'S 5 SOURCES AND BACK-UP IN TOTAL.

damn, I seriously need to be treated.

Missing the chance.

I was so confident I would get the tickets to Korea but Alyn and I agreed to give both of us two days to settle things with our fam first before proceeding with our plan. and so we did! and alhamdulillah mak alyn pun bagi (my parents are just fine as long as there's alyn)

never had I thought that two days were actually too long to be grabbing the top promo tickets. like God, how stupid was I! Did I just think that NOBODY would be fighting for the tickets, on school holidays, with a price like that?! I was being so naïve and I regretted it so much?

I was so dumbfounded finding out that the tickets were sold out TT

I swear I was mourning for a day, thinking "woah.. did i really just miss a golden chance...?"

I could have bought them! I COULD HAVE BOUGHT THEM!!!!

so like, I was so sad I almost cried but this fake-ass roommate of mine (man, if she reads this she would be furious, I love her sdjsjjs) comforted me and uttered such line I don't think I could forget in any moment especially right now (because I am trying hard to holding on to it, so that I would stop blaming myself) that is,

great things come for people who wait.

At that moment I had realized that indeed, Alyn and I were in an absolute rush that I don't think it's be a great idea to be flying to a country by our own, yet. We could if we believe in ourselves (nani de heck? no lol) but I believe that maybe going there one day would be greater and I would pray for the day to come! Maybe next year? idk...

Anyways!

On top of all that, I hope I could meet EXO. That's the top reason why I want to go to Korea in this meantime, because I want to witness their seem-to-be-unfading era and career there. sjsjdkks things I would decide for EXO sometimes still amazes me to this day.

With my runny nose and dry throat tonight, I wish you all a happy day ahead!