PENANG Penang

It's not just Penang but PENANG Penang.

You know what I mean? the island?

Growing up I have always called the island side of this state as Penang. never Georgetown, Komtar or any specific name of place on that side, it's always just Penang ...until GALS came to my house and confused me.

so our conversation went like this:

me: we are going hiking in Penang tau. must go in the morning.

them: alright. then kalau pi situ pagi, pukul 12 we'll go somewhere else.

me: no cannot. The taman negara is in Penang. we won't be back by 12.

them: why not?

me: bc it's in Penang kot? Jauh...

now having that conversation typed into words, I could only imagine how ridiculous I sounded that day. I mean, they are not penangites so one out of other things they know about this state must be its name— Penang. therefore what they thought of when I said "Penang" is that the place should be near my house. and I oop-

I really had to sit down and process my thoughts that... okay... no wonder they thought that way! It's only us, penangites yang panggil that island side as Penang. They, on the other hand, see Penang as a whole one state. You get what I mean?

It's only us who call the island side of Penang as Penang! especially if you are from the mainland! I talked about this to Alyn and she also went "Oh ha ah la..." before Zul continued to ask, "Habistu mainland korang panggil apa?"

me: IDK, I have always just said balik rumah.

haha!

on a serious note, the mainland part is called seberang XD

One of hadif's picture otw to Penang.

(Ya.. even though he was already IN Penang. alright fine,

 I meant the island side of Penang haha ...or the uh.. Penang Island)

Sweet Octovember

have u ever had a child coming to you crying, desperately asking for your help, looking unnecessarily cute and pitiful as their eyes swelled with tears for such a simple problem...? no...? cuz aw, you might wanna adopt one BECAUSE *SQUEALS* *SCREAMS* *PUNCH WALLS* I WOULD IF I WERE YOU.

(k I don't think many parents would agree with that but oh, who cares when I have nieces and nephewwwws for thaaaat)

Hadif got like this once so I hugged him and patted his back then reassured him that everything was gonna be fine (aunty-of-the-month behaviourrrr haha) even though I was actually holding myself back from teasing him cuz really? Hadif? IT'S ME WHO NEEDS TO CRY. eh sorry ter petty pulak.

Obviously issa joke bc I love treating them like adults when it comes to their feelings :) uhu ajetnye

so uhm.. basically octovember is the month filled with me going out and having extra fun with my niblings, one that I met for the first time, the others after a year.... yep.

It got pretty chaotic most of the times especially when you put two toddlers in the same room with just one type of toy. no double, no copy = fighting. but I enjoyed it. certainly not like how I enjoyed rnb or ballad— by exo and I don't listen to rock and roll, which is probably the genre of their cries. but still, family is stronger than a music genre - Vin Diesel  (eh tiberrrr haha)

and for that quote too I feel like I could do anything for them except, basuh berak dorang. so yes sorry vin diesel, I lost it at basuh berak. I haven't taught myself how to handle the sight of seeing someone else's poo, but I promise I'll get better (says this since Hadif was born and he's now 7) *sweating* ok alright fine call me as it is— a bad aunty. FINE. *slams the door* *EMO* 

I treated them so nice I wish I was in their shoes but hey my childhood was awesome too so I did not want them to miss out on playing traditional games or bringing them out— anything, anything but staring at them gadgets *angry emoji* and for that, I could do a finger count of the hours I was at home because most of the times we drove them to places where they could have fun. yep. without their parents :P

and you know they had a good time when they silently cried by the car window on their way home, missing their grandparents' house. yes hadif, I am talking about you.

and as they went back, I held my phone scrolling down the gallery filled with their pictures and sobbed to myself because lol u think aunty is strong? no. lol. honestly the whole picture stuff is the thing that I envy most about kids nowadays because awh :( I didn't have that many pictures growing up and it's such a pity.

for that I am sure they will be grateful for the pictures when they get old enough to look back on their childhood memories.

another three not in the picture :>

so such is my sweet Octovember hiks :>

Volunteering?

Alyn told me, "we are not volunteering, we are paid LOL" ...right miss. I know, I am aware of that. but God, you don't need to say that out loud come on... 

*whispers* nobody's gonna know.

Alright jk of course people know. I at least acknowledge that I wouldn't sign up for this if not for the money (lbr I need it walaupun tak byk pun ya kawan-kawan) but to say it's solely because of that pun macam amboiiii? and maybe because it's been a few days now, it never really crossed my mind if I am getting paid or not (trust issue ahaha)

BUT, I know one thing I needed was to be productive. therefore this was the opportunity that I didn't wanna let go. Especially then when my social skill was like back to when I was a toddler. *shrugs* It's been so long right.... who is you, who are me, where are us? Eh eh hahaha

Besides, like I wrote in my last entry, the boredom was gobbling me up and if I didn't do anything about it ...I would have probably turned into a crazy wench who tweets tweets like "beKsiN agEndA yaHudi koWunx!!😤" OR "i love keraja*n😍"

so phewwwwwwww. good grace. *lap peluh*

For this work, I am stationed at the counter where most clerical work is done to confirm vaccinees' identities. There were times when we had foreigners from China and thanks to Alyn, now I am probably at level 1 in conversing in Mandarin (Kids, level 1 is just knowing nin hao right? *stares curiously* *gulps* No?) Anyway, the star of the day was Alyn who takes a weekly Mandarin class, not me so *claps claps* 

Moreover, I LOVE love my carpooling session with Alyn because we always have something to laugh over everyday (usually of everyone's banter of the day) and I care less about how I always gasp for air wearing my mask as long as I can let out my laugh... I guess. welps. not until we laughed over that, too, because I was half-dying for more air LMAO

Anyway, from this I am finally learning how to socialize again, feel how to bear a commitment again, build my confidence around total strangersㅡ the hundreds of vaccinees I attended to and the other volunteers across all ages! and lastly, gaining all the experiences that this work offersㅡ whatever they may be :)

Lastly, may Allah always keep my heart full and steady and may He protect all of us from any undesirable situations that may harm us in any way. Aamiin!

I can't and I won't let people say "it's just that.... why do you have be so deep about it..." Oh, are you sorry that you are not sentimental enough to make a meaning out of every little thing you experience in life? because I am certainly not. even if I trip over a small rock and I feel like writing about it, I will. 

cei, tiber insecure and sensitip. 

Okay, may you only receive and hear good and happy things dear reader(s)!

Oh and please pray for my creative writing because I have been delaying my written pieces for what it's called a writer's block for a while now :(

Hello

 

Hello.

uh... this is awkward. 

I was supposed to write about the final few days I spent with my housemates before we bid our farewell MONTHS AGO... but.... I came home and was too caught up with my own sadness that I... now... have no will to do so anymore. yeah, it be like that sometimes.

I write best when I am excited and that's why I tend to write a lot after drinking my coffee as that's when I feel high to work my fingers out to type about anything!

However nowadays, not even the coffee could excite me. I... 

It's not like I dislike being home but... you see, I love it. and that's the problem. I love it too much that I have become so comfortable being in this safe bubble without stepping out of my comfort zone to learn something.

and I feel pathetic.

and it's not like I didn't try either!

All the things I enjoy doing like writing, reading, listening to podcast have turned dull to me and every time I gathered new resolve to start something, I find myself crawling back to the corner where gloominess, sadness are around. It's tiring. I could tell you all the things I have bought as a revolution to this circle of negativity but it always just ...that. That. It just stopped. Even writing here today took a lot for me to finally do it. I had at least two drafts I deleted because halfway, I didn't feel like it.

I guess writing every thing down today is also a way for me to start anew? 

I mean, do I want to change? yes? 

but will I change? we'll see. hahaha

but at least I finished writing here today so that's one assurance for you that I will finally get back on my feet to make everything exciting for me, again.

How about you?

My Last Ramadhan in College

What?

It's already my last Ramadhan in college? a ha..... *smile in pain*

I know Ramadhan is an exceptional, holy month to all of us Muslims but it's especially special to me because when I first came here, it was also on Ramadhan! and now we are wrapping the years in this month too!

I remember sniffling every two nights on my bed (ok lbr.. it's every night), trying to hold myself from breaking into tears so my roommate wouldn't have an idea that her roommate was a weak, vulnerable girl who had never been away from home for 18 years.

but now Alhamdulillah look at me. look at where it brings me. five years man. five years of dealing with whatever shrimps (read: s word) my college put me through until now— my final Ramadhan in college.

There are few circumstances we are facing right now in college where we are locked inside (remember the apocalypse?) therefore no tarawih in masjid, no bazar, no having iftar outside which is nothing new tbh. same old thing as previous year and I am not complaining. 

BUT 

if there is one thing I could wish for, it's praying and having iftar + moreh at the masjid. Oh I miss it so much... I miss the vibes. I miss the aircon especially, and oh, the fluffy carpets. but let's be real now, I miss everything about praying there, even the makciks who always tak rapatkan saf (omg they are winning now, the saf can never be as close anymore) haha 

however, looking at it now, it's not so bad. I have my friends and we are taking turns to be Imam, and we have extra fans which honestly kinda bring the masjid vibes when we used it earlier. so yeaaah.... not that baaaad.. nooooot that bad. kan?

and I have more free time now even though I am actually not supposed to lol but make do of it lah. I have so many goals for this year's Ramadhan too and I am not telling wekk haha.

For all of you reading, I pray that all of our deeds are well accepted by Him and may He grant all of our wishes! Aamiin!

The view from my balcony before 1st Iftar 2021 ^^

Research Report Submission

holla amigos.

alright I know this is not our final assignment submission for this semester, but please PLEASE just let me enjoy this moment of glory for now, at least for a day before I crawl back into reality because

YES I DESERVE IT.

(the other 7 assignments can wait)

I am sure all of my friends can resonate with me on this like, we were literally on the same boat and honestly without them, I don't think I could pull this off. Allah knows how easily distracted I got when I was at home so instead of doing my work, I was always someone who would prefer laying on bed, day-dreaming, really. without Kama and Syaza who often shared their progress with me, I would still be in the dump right now and for that, I feel so, so lucky and to Kak Anih as well for the coffee she made for me every night without fail, I love her.

I know I have so many things in my things-to-do-after-completing-research list but SCRATCH ALL THAT because for now I just wanna have a big feast with my friends!! Alhamdulillah, being  here in college with them is a blessing I didn't know I would feel this grateful for, because, gosh, the energy of everyone typing on the laptops altogether in the same room, the intense energy.. it made me feel like I was in a war.

Ok that's probably an exaggeration.

because rather than typing energetically, there was just a lot of sighs, screams of frustration, me crying over naruto, azmira's snore, lai's classical music, syaza's purrr, hajar's constant laugh over whatever she was watching on her laptop *side-eyeing SJ* and kama's clown energy that turned all of us into one. haha.

so now for the feast, we are ordering sushi king from Mid Valley as we speak and I am definitely going to have fun with them. this is enough for me.

and I am sure gonna miss this.

(not you, research)

where it all happened. 
(excuse the crappy resolution sbb
pakai laptop cam hahahaha lmao)

Back to School

here I am, writing from inside my room in college, this old dark dreary room with just me smiling to myself in front of my laptop trying to arrange my words...

being in my final year, 2 months away from graduating, I don't think I have to explain why I am gonna seize every chance and opportunity to just have fun with my friends.

I came here four days ago and that day was so lovely. I met my die-hard best friend for the first time in.... 5-6 months? Wish you could see how exuberant I was to have spent my time with her. watched a movie, had our lunch in Hanbing and she even drove me to college which I was SO thankful for bc my luggage and bags were no joke.

now that it has come to this I guess I gotta be ready to spend my last Ramadhan as a student here huh... I have no complain though, even though last year was a luxury for me as I had my parents around (which means no worries about the food) so this year.. we'll see. haha.

and uh.. hu... I can't believe it's been almost 5 years... u___u 

chop chop!

gotta finish my thesis first now! 

thes's Love Giveaway

 

This is gonna be something so new to me so I find it exciting! I have never cared for a giveaway before no matter what gifts or chances I could have gotten but that's because I'd never actually viewed it as a way to connect with other bloggers... 

For a very shy and basic person like me, I don't think I would have a chance at winning anyway haha. and also when I was a teen almost everyone around me was a blogger, therefore I didn't find it necessary for me to connect with others virtually. I am still here mainly because I LOVE writing, may it be nonsensical or sensible (mostly nonsense lah tapi haha)

so here I am writing an entry (first time) for our fellow blogger— Suraya! I gave her my follow on her blog and instagram so if you too are interested, do visit her blog and join this. Would love to connect with other bloggers through my blog as well.. ceiii hahaha *runs*

and to you, Suraya, I don't think I need to say this because your blog is cute just the way it is! I love that it's pink so *high five* haha now that I have followed you I am anticipating more of your entries! 

to more giveaway entries from me! kalau rajin!! *clink glasses* 

Room MakeOver?

cei makeover lah sangat!

last tuesday my sis was finally home! from Australia! 

ok you might be wondering why am I telling you this, but gurl, she's got to be the reason WHY we all did this makeover. idk what she was plotting at first when she bought a whole big bucket of undercoat paint and honestly at that point I was like, "oh she's at it again. k" cuz she painted her room thrice already idk. 

but later I found out. dia sengaja beli banyak so that she could pressured us into painting ours too. and after all that pressure– I had to agreeT____T and I obviously did not think much of it, the last time I ever made a huge make-over was when I had to move into another room and that was when I hardly had anything.

wait.

that's not even a makeover. I was just changing room jdjsjsjs

therefore, on the friday night, with little knowledge of what awaited me, I started to unload all the clothes from my cupboard (which was my mom's and honestly 95% of the cupboard were her old clothes, not like I mind) and....

fuh. at that moment, I was already asking myself why did I agree to do this... and my sis was already laughing wickedly, while saying,

"well, doing this is like going for a hike. you can not turn back HAHA" 

and I looked at her, gritted my teeth and continued the deed cuz I know she's right lmaooT______T the old cupboard I was telling you guys earlier is a big-ass cupboard, so in a night I only finished packing one side of it, organized the old clothes into boxes (easier to donate laterrr) and by the time I realized, it was already 1 in the morning. honestly what's new? (p/s: research)

and the next day came (saturday) aha. yeah. lmao. I unloaded the rest of the clothes, move my bed, my book shelf and sorted my stuff into "to-keep" and "to-throw" plastics before the biiiig main event— painting!

this was the only time I ever asked myself why don't I have a roommate because...uh... my hands were so worn out painting the walls..... luckily my sis helped, my dad did too! I think we finished right before asar after a deeeeep cleaning of my room and I hadn't even loaded my stuff back into my room yet that time. we took a quick break and continued after maghrib.

and after maghrib ....remember the clothes I unloaded before I painted my room? AHA! gotta sort those out toooooo. hahahahaha ha ha

and guess how many storage the clothes fit into?

3 luggage, 3 huge plastics, 2 boxes. 
That's what I signed up for, ladies and gentlemen. 

luckily I finished that in a night and the only things left was to tend to my book shelf and my new cupboard (which I took from our guest room cuz it's new sdsdjs)

I started right after Subuh the next day weh, so much from someone who couldn't even turn up for gotong royong ipb* at 7am sjjshassk 

aaaaaand. it's worth it. so so so worth it. 

I LOVE my new room. cei. the vibes, the things I organized. ish. haha bc in my family I am definitely not known for keeping my things stacked and pretty. but now that the old cupboard is gone and that I am blessed with SO much space in my room, I knew I gotta keep this going. 

unfortunately, I don't have any picture of how my room looked like previously but it was in green colour (certainly not my colour of choice..) but of course, of course I have pictures of how it looks like now! *smug face* 

                 

 posting the same one with different 

 hue of the sky! aha!

                                                   

kihkih

it's at least pretty and comforting for me, which is all that matters haha. the combination of white and gray.... (I wanted black but Mak was against it shhshd.. luckily) and Ghirthini cakap buang je kerusi tu ganti kerusi lain hahahaha I agree. but I don't get bothered by it pun so that's all to it for now. however I can't wait to put the fairy lights!! ceiiih

and after all the hard work working on three rooms for three days (Jumaat, Sabtu and today, Ahad), we bought ourselves Starbucks!!!! my order is always the OG lah— caramel machiatto. 

that's all kot for now. the rest two rooms.. uh bye? *side-eyeing haziq* but tomorrow we are continuing on our library aka bilik komputer and dining room. please pray that I don't end up giving up in the middle hahaha