Do I like being alone? Yes, No?

 Alright. Where do I start explaining things so you guys won't get me wrong or think that I am difficult or just fussy and annoying. 

*deep breath and crack knuckles*

When I was in college, I remember writing here to tell you guys that I learned liking to be alone, doing things alone and when I moved out (temporarily) from my parents', I thought whoa, this time is finally it (after all the 'adjusting' 'homesick' drama ofc)

UNTIL...

...NOW that I AM actually alone.

Alright don't call me annoying yet, hear me out.

I... perhaps only like being alone WITH the presence of someone else that I can freely talk to/annoy when I feel bored (...Oh God, that makes me sound like a jerk who treats people like they are an entertainment but no. Let me try and word it right)

—I perhaps only like being alone WITH the presence of someone else whom I can freely talk to/annoy. titik. (is it better now? lol)

Ok the point is, I can't be alone ALONE. I need someone else beside me. because it feels too quiet at times that I feel like running home and honestly Mak Abah would've approved it if I told them I ran home because there were some ghosts around. but no. It's only because there is no one around to make (bearable) noises.

It's worse when I am on my period and feel lazier (than I already am lol) bc I don't even wanna try to busy myself to keep my mind out from those thoughts. Interestingly, I am okay at night when Gee and the rest are around. so that's when I came into such conclusion— that I can't be alone ALONE.

It was only this morning I felt like crying but girl was even lazy to cry that I chose to hold it in so that's when I asked myself... didn't I like being alone? no..no..no. wrong. wrong. I don't like being alone ALONE. you get what I mean? T__________T 

and it's fascinating when I know that there's someone else who is in the same shoes as me as soon as I tweeted about it. now I am not so alone anymore, am I? lol

What a complicated person you are, Hasanah. Go to sleep, really.