My first heartbreak

Oh if you think my first heartbreak was because of love, you are wrong. The farthest memory I had of the word and feeling “heartbreak” was when I was 7 years old. I remember shedding so much tears when this happened. Hm what could a seven-year-old be crying about? Toys???? Wrong. Biasness??? Try again. Tripping over something?? Big fat NO. Coloring competition???

Oh heck YES

Look, I didn’t even understand why would I cry over something so petty like that? I didn’t even go TO win, I just went there because it was compulsory for year 1 pupils. But why oh why did I cry so hard? Not just one time but twice! (firstly, when they announced the winner and it wasn’t me (I expected that but I still cried lol) and secondly was when I told my father that I didn’t make it (WHILE crying)

So uhm why did I even cry again?

Okay, let’s put the blame on my father (haha jk) but for real though, I still remember clearly he told me “Hasanah, kaler bagi cantik and menang!”. If it wasn’t because of those words he uttered, I wouldn’t have cared. Tbh, when I was given the paper, I still didn’t care. You see, I wasn’t good in art, any form that links to it. None. Therefore, my kinesthetic ass decided to go around talking, helping others picking their color pencils while ignoring mine. LOL.

Well, not until the teacher informed that there were only several minutes left for us to finish the coloring. Aaaaand that’s when I panicked because I remembered something- oh! 

MY FATHER ASKED ME TO WIN!!!! HE’D BE DISAPPOINTED IN ME!!! I HAVE TO WIN THIS!!!!

So I cried right THERE and THEN because lol you bet? My paper! I still haven’t colored them!!!!!! I could only see his face when he told me to do my best and win it. I didn’t do both.

Because of my dramatic cry, I managed to gather my friends to help me finishing the job. THAT, also I did while crying …damn it my memory is too good to forget that I cried while maundering under my broken sobs- “abah aku suruh aku menang….TTTTTTT” to my friends. Eeee embarrassing hahaha why did I even- nevermind. Apa yang penting? Kerjasama!

Even so, it’s cute how I still held a little wish to win when it’s obvious…. that.. hm… lol.. that’s probably why I cried so hard. Because I was hoping too much haha

Whatever to all of that because what abah said the next second I told him was- “lahhhhhh tak apalaaaahhhhh, nanti cuba lagi”

Abah for real la? After all the embarrassing stunt? -__-

So, when we were little...

I don’t remember specifically HOW I grew up, but I knew I had many siblings and that my family was big. Therefore, my childhood revolved just around them? Their friends were my friends, and this kampong was a whole lot merrier than it is now. I wonder why? 

There used to be just few houses here in my kampong so what was left for us was either the messy bushes or still-in-building houses. Now, all the free tapaks had been replaced with real houses haha how time flies. Back then, the free tapaks were our playground, I remember. Imagine, we had even played hide-and-seek in this entire kampong. I remember hiding at my neighbour’s balcony and they didn’t care! Sometimes when we were tired, the pakcik and makcik would even make us drinks. That was how small my kampong was, we knew each other so well. I was only little at that time so alang and my sisters took care of me a lot.

And then comes my house. It was the center to all kids in this kampong (I believe still is, to my friends) It was because my parents didn’t care as much as other parents did- so all kids resorted here. We didn’t have a spacious field to play football but my house compound. Tuju kasut, football, teng teng, everything.. now let me count those I remember.. well there were perhaps more than 10 of us. My parents were honestly saints. 

When we had ps1, they even came into the house to play, making my home as theirs long before the phrase “buat mcm rumah sendiri” came out. Even worse when we had ps2 and my parents, they still didn’t care. All I remember about my childhood was that, I played outside a lot. Mingling with others too. Compared to now… well, even then we had a big thick-ass computer! Hello! I played Mario! But none of that could compare to playing with my siblings and their friends outside.

Funny moments? Let’s not get me started. Every time we settle ourselves in kak anih’s room we would always bring back those funny and childish childhood memories of ours. Back then it was serious but thinking back now, they were all so funny. Our fights, our plays, our hidden agendas we planned, our white lies, everything.

I never realized how tired my parents were, especially my Mom when she handled little us. All I knew was that we were never left to starve and that the food was glorious and delicious. I feel sorry for her and I can never imagine being in her shoes. Ever. (Tearing up a little bit as I am thankful for her, and my Dad)

Ah those times, were all happy times. Why do I feel like the years, when I was a child had gone like they were just a day? Too fast. I don’t think I have savored them enough. Well, I didn’t know I would grow up this fast, did I? But what I certainly know is that I can’t wait to tell my future kids, in details, how I grew up! (it’d be too long to write here tbh) telling them because in this era, most kids would never get to experience our kind of childhood anymore, will they?

The Ultimate 10

the ultimate last 10!!!!! days!!!! of Ramadhan!!!! (although we are left with just 6 nowㅎ) For ramadhan, I always strive to make the most out of it so I could brag about it to myself, for the past years. I mean, I want to proudly say to one-year-ago me that I manage my deeds better this year. Honestly there's nothing more meaningful than to beat your own self in records, deeds and achievements. but sometimes, (I mean most of the times) I lay back too much too.. but hey! that's when I get to be in my reflective mode and start to fight again!!! I guess being away from home (home is a distraction in disguise) and around friends of the same goals for Ramadhan really posed an advantage for me. Alhamdulillah sangat-sangat. If I were alone, I could have not done better. but I wish I could tell myself that it's fine to be alone too bc that way, I can be the influencer, the starter. ha... and now back to me when I arrived home. I had my period as soon as I reached here and ya Allah, I was so ashamed of myself, probably still is. After all the favors He had showered upon me, His Mercy that He never fails to prove me.. idk man. BUT for He is The Most Forgiving, The Exceedingly Beneficent.. remember, He'll always be there to forgive us.. repentance is literally the only thing we need. Imagine committing sins worth a mountain but all those are ceased to nothing just by laying your head down on the prayer mat, reflecting. Oh You, indeed is The Most Merciful. Seek for it while we are still given the chance- this life. Now fast-forward to the start of last 10 days of Ramadhan. Alhamdulillah. This blog was meant to be just for myself but since I have like 4 readers now (lol) I'll just let you know that Ramadhan this year could totally pass as a mentor to my next one, at least in few aspects because I know I am still lacking in lots of things... I swear. But anyway, I still feel so so blessed that I am given such invitation from Him in terms of health and will to perform the best I could in this Holy Month. Greatly thanks to my parents and SFS Home isn't a place of distraction after all! I can't already wait for next Ramadhan already Ah.. how fun Ramadhan is (and other months too) when you can practice ﻓَﺎﺳْﺘَﺒِﻘُﻮﺍْ ﺍﻟْﺨَﻴْﺮَﺍﺕِ. Be competitive in doing good deeds, not only with others, but also within ourselves! It's never too late as long as we are still breathing just fine. Do anything we could to give our best! Often we seek for excellence in duniawi, sometimes we forget that there's another place for us to work on- akhirah! and That dear self, serves as a reminder to me too, most importantly. With that, thank you!

My ticket to EXO Planet #4 – "The EℓyXiOn"

SCREAMS

yes, yes and yes yes!!!! you are right! I AM INVITED!!!! This girl is finally going to meet EXO at their concert here in KL,  in 38 days!!!!! YOU HEAR ME WAILING? ;A;

First of all, I would like to tell you how extremely nervous I was the whole time after they had announced the seat (only the seat! not yet the ticketing details!) because of the 'what ifs' that were clouding my mind (ugh me) I nearly broke down AND YA ALLAH YES MY ANXIETY WASN'T HELPING. AT ALL.

When they announced the seating, I have already had which area I wanted to buy, for me for sure Rock Zone! because I want to be closer to the stage! not that Cat 1 isn't near, but I know I would prefer standing at a concert that I would go gaga over at.

After the ticketing details were out, I straightly ordered someone to buy it for me. It took a whole lot of courage from me to finally pay someone bc apparently, trust is nearly as expensive to give to a stranger. I was contemplating real hard and that's when I got Alyn to help. Called her, forced her to comfort and say to me that it's fine haha (typical me) Who knows if she's a scammer right? but yay, I am happy that I was wrong.  Thanks to the dealer's wondrous effort of staying there for three days, I've finaly gotten my own ticket. and thanks alyn layan aku the WHOLE time I was dealing with the seller (nasib baik umobile free call uhu)

aaaaand Thank God the seller didn't run with my money y'all or the title would have been "I WAS SCAMMED, NEVER AGAIN" idk.

Funny thing was, I should had been more nervous about my exam (which fell on the same date of ticketing day!) but all the fuss of me couldn't sleep properly was only bc I heard the ticket was selling fast, and that I, might not get the ticket. Oh, what a hardcore. You should have just studied bc you would get it girl, ugh.

I remember telling myself NOT TO GO OVER THIS PHASE EVER AGAIN bc the overwhelming feels I had felt that day was totally beyond what I could handle. Nervous (how many time have I written this?), frustated, anxious, you name it! hdjjssjhjd anyone could tell that I was not! prepared! haha but anything for EXO I guess?

bc after all, this girl is going to meet EXO, at last! 

SEEYA BOYS!