Good Morning, Miss.

tomorrow will mark the fourth week of me putting on my stilettos, trying to look taller than all the kids in the school. I don't know if it's too early to say that I really like to be around the school again, except now with different goals, agendas and mission.

A trainee-teacher.

whom kids would either respect, or be looking away out of disgust. Ok I exaggerated a bit about the latter one, kids are too innocent to even know what they are doing- which falls back upon me, and the other teachers to educate them with a spice of passion. ewah.

I've had this at the back of my mind before, about kids nowadays have changed. Indeed, I do see it, but one thing is that, they are really just- kids. In my humble opinion, the parents are mostly the root of the problems we see today especially of this era of materialism. like hello? some parents don't even know how to treat their kids properly at home that they try to put everything on the school to treat them better. idk but that's how 21-year-old me think.

but honestly, that should be the least matter I should be worried about, because I am more compassionate to teach the kids over their parents... the latter are grown-ups, they should be able to teach themselves.

of their "good morning miss" at school, and their other simple greetings, their happy (or bored) faces when I teach, or when they are doing their work, of the stars I have rewarded them that have lit up their faces, of their eagerness to answer the questions I throw, and more and more, I know this is the road I am excited to walk on, which I hope someday would open abundance of opportunities for me to expand myself to being a good teacher. Aamiin.

Really, who would have thought I would fall this soft for the kids... I hope this would last, for each and everyone of them. May He always store in me the biggest patience and perseverance, and elevate my rank to be in those who do their work earnestly! Aamiin!

Sleepclumsyness

The clock was ticking,

beads of sweat were dripping down everyone's forehead, and Pak Cik snarled,

"Lain kali sakit bagitau awal!" as he drove through the bumpy road towards the nearest clinic in town that would at least take us 45 minutes to arrive.

The boys at the back were praying, as the girls in front were busy tilting Joshi's head so she wouldn't throw up in the van. I was sitting by the window when I looked back and found the boys were making jokes in between their prays, probably trying to calm everyone down. Silly. I was too sleepy to crack some jokes along so I placed my head on the window, hoping I could doze off to Pak Cik's speedy drive. 

We arrived and I made way for Joshi to get out of the van, with no intention of accompanying her at any chance given. There were already two girls volunteering themselves, and it was late at night. I desperately needed the sleep after two days of hitting the bed in morning hour.

Before I could get into the van again, the van moved... so I quickly held the door as it was moving while screaming

"Pak Cik jangan tinggal saya!!!" panic was evident in my voice. 

The van stopped and I heard Pak Cik mumbling something I couldn't register in my head.

As soon as I was trying to get in, the van moved again. I was furious. Still holding to its door while it was moving, I cried, 

"Pak Cik Saya Tak Nak Duduk Sini Saya Nak Balik, Jangan Tinggal Saya!!"

I was heard! 

Afraid that the van would drive away again, I quickly hopped into the van and as soon as I sat down, I looked up only to catch everyone worryingly staring at me, their eyebrows curled up.

There were at least a few seconds of silence before Pak Cik broke it with an angry bellow under his breath,

"Pak Cik nak kona bukan nak balik!"

:)

Told ya I was sleepy.

Being Comfortable

"Don't you have any other tudung than this black shawl???"

"Can you wear blouse at least???"

are what I often get when I want to go have a day out with my siblings, or at least what I think of when I look at myself in the mirror. Well....

the answer is no, sadly. 

I have other tudung I swear to God but one that could be on par with my black shawl in terms of its comfiness and coziness? nope. tell me where could I get such tudung who serves its master right when it is needed, without pleading to be ironed and taken care of? like I could find it at the bottom of the piles of other clothes and it would still say, 

"Yes ma'am I am at your service."

nah we all have this kind of tudung aren't we? but mine unfortunately don't breed bc I don't. spend. much. on. outfits. (waittilligetajobandahusbandipromiseiwilldobetter)

now, blouse. I don't have any lol. maybe one, and that was when I thought I could look cool wearing it to exo's concert (big mistake, it crumpled so badly, like BADLY) so it kinda ruined the idea for me bc I have already initially disliked blouses, and that day had convinced me that I am undeniably right #TeamJersey

plus, you can get two jerseys at the price of one blouse at Brands Outlet. Pick a smarter choice.

Anyway this is me writing this at 21 years old, let's see if I will get there one day ..maybe I will. Maybe. (andagainthatdaywouldbewheniaminlovewithsomebody)

Count Your Blessings

I am overwhelmed with the blessings I have in life right now. people say, count your blessings, and that's what i actually do, looking pass every bad encounters to just embrace the blessings showered upon me. so what if I feel like life is unfair to me about certain things? there are so much more to see (and count) other than just isolating myself in a shell of ungratefulness, uncertainties, anxieties and sadness.

Before, I had reached one point where I had no feeling to repress at all, my communication wall was blank. I really wouldn't have noticed it this sooner if my roommate didn't show her concerns. I wasn't depressed? (at least that's what I think) because if I were to be honest, it's all Science, like I am sure you have heard about hormonal changes? well? 

However, I knew that wasn't me, my hormones have been with me for so many years, they would never do me dirty like that (drama sangat!) so I kept praying and praying that May Allah guide me through, it was suffocating, I hated it.

and that's how it happened- I started seeing layers and layers of blessings I should have counted from the very beginning.

be it me myself, my family, my friends, the condition I am in. for I realise when I started to count, I turn more to Him to express my gratitude and gratefulness, and indeed, as He promises, 

"If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]" 14:7

He did, in a way that I see more and more about my life. I wouldn't dare saying that I would never fall into this shithole again, of feeling uncertainties and sadness, but at least now I know how to count my blessings.

After all, we are all humans He created, so we are gonna have all sorts of feelings- happiness, madness, anger, annoyed, sad, lonely ..all. He knows, that is why, to Him we should turn for the remedies, giving us more in return in ways we could never imagine. Trust me, everything will start to fall into its place once you count your blessings and be grateful to Him. As easy as saying Alhamdulillah!