New School

It's finally time for THE post and I am done with starting it with a humble "I know no one cares but" ...

because.... I am gonna pretend that I have 10 000 readers EAGERLY wanting to know how I feel about my new school. haha

IDK if I'd ever told people how badly I wanted to transfer back to my hometown but I swear I'd cried about this to a few of my close friends. 

Was Selangor that bad?

Honestly not. It'd be a huge discredit to my good colleagues I had accumulated fun memories with.

but I prayed hard. In one way or another I know deeeeeep down in my heart I wasn't ready to settle down in Selangor. Yes, even after four years.

It took me that exact time and a trip to Mekah to finally submit to Him that if I didn't get the transfer that I wanted by that year, then I'd accept it as it is.

I was letdown twice, on March and June. The March result really broke me, I was even called dramatic. I remember just crying a river in my car. Then, on June, only told Mak cuz I didn't think I could take it if I was ever called out for being dramatic again...

Naturally, I didn't expect to even get a transfer at all after that. Come what may. I became a changed person. I was even ready to take on the year after at the same school. I even told Mak that I wasn't gonna apply for egtukar for at least another 3-5 years. I wanted to start anew with stronger, bolder resolve.

and then BAM!

October came.

there was a chaos in the group chat asking everyone to check egtukar (Oct result was unusual btw) and ofc, being the new me with a new resolve who's finally ready to settle down in Selangor, I checked it without putting any mind to it. I even had the audacity to check it when I was in the classroom with my kids. I figured that if I were to be disappointed, I'd rather be disappointed surrounded by them.

but how wrong I was.... 

I gasped so loud in the middle of the class, my students thought I 'd seen a ghost.

Ran outside (which my students followed along like the ducklings they are haha), shooed them away and called Mak right there and then.

the rest is then a history ... of me not crying at all (until Kak Nad la naik pentas) haha but the whole weeks and months I was really happy :P

Now onto the main part of this post...

My new school?

It's cool. 

Haha

and hearing kids speaking in Utagha dialect felt so peculiar and quirky I had to hold my laugh a few times. Well, it's probably just an internal happiness.

and I felt very grateful for every moment.

still am.

Alhamdulillah

:)

or maybe I am bragging

 There should be a whole another post of me talking about my new school... 

coughs

is it new though? It's been 6 months but whatever, I'll save that for later. 

Today I was just wondering, looking at my students who are currently taking their exams and at the same time having to practice for our tournament next week..........

like, yeah, sure, I pity them but?

I wonder, *get ready for THE question of someone who probably has a main character syndrome*

how did I do it back then?

Not one, not two, heck yeah not even three, I threw myself onto A LOT of things that I had to practice for like sports especially which took my entire day before I got home, and I... still passed my exam with flying colors. masyaAllah but bro? I am amazed? I can see how tired they are now, welps, even I get tired having to train them.

and upon wondering, I couldn't help but mentally wrote a list of people that I should thank for. Yeah, right, there's no way I could have done them all alone. Therefore, biggest thanks to my parents, my teachers, my friends and definitely my strong personality and mental which I also got from my parents yes yes, haha 

aaanddd aaaaaa it makes me want to go back so badly, just to hug my younger self then pat her on the head with a smile saying you've done very well! and that I am proud of her, and I am sorry it took me this long to actually realize this haha, 

but chances are, I'd also whisper to her, "you should have pushed yourself harder" sbdjshkdshdjs 

truly, bc that's what I felt like telling my students. like uh, please, you guys are playing one sport, but I did THREE of them when I was your ag- 

wait, why am I sounding so much like a typical asian mum. naurrrrr 

and yep, I am definitely not bragging.

Back in Penang

Dear non-existent reader of this blog,

I hereby announce that after just a few posts which was written 4 years ago about my mental breakdown of having been posted to Selangor,

I am finally back in Penang!!!

I don't know if going forward from here is going to be better because as much as I wanted to transfer, I thought I'd created a strong foothold in my previous workplace, surrounded by great colleagues who doted on me so hard they had never forgotten to feed me (yes I happily gained 7kg haha) but alas, I believe just being grateful and happy for this chance is a good start, no matter where I am. (jk, it did matter bc this is me living in my answered prayer, Alhamdulillah)

I hope the excitement I feel will stay in me for a long time because I am about to challenge myself to a greater height! well, I hope so. I hope ...so. (there goes my confidence, blown away by a mere thought that maybe I am all talk, no action) 

please do pray for me!

Austria: The Planning

I remember writing "menziarahi kakak" on the borang cuti before handing it to my Boss and felt a tiny bit guilty, even though it's not far from the actual reason ...which is to stroll and travel around While my sister is still there. because at least for me, she wasn't the priority sdjhskdhkjd I mean, thanks for concurrently being there? :P jk

until my boss read it and the guilt ...doubled. 

after asking a few basic questions, he really went "ini bukan menziarahi kakak, yinniii melancongg" and then laughed to himself. oh my God no, it's not funny? not when I was breaking a sweat standing there like a weary poll sjbhdsmhd PLS I can't believe I got busted after a FEW BASIC questions. no more concealing my actual intention on that borang after this. period. 

and pls don't ask me why I didn't just write 'melancong' on the form. I wasn't gonna try and risk it from getting rejected T________T sesungguhnya saya hanyalah insan yang lemah. haha

walking out from the office, gurl really thought she had passed through the biggest hurdle of this plan.

until kak anih came into the picture like:

uhhhh, she and her lassst minuteee waaaaayyyyssss.

now it's exactly two weeks before our travel date and ...we still haven't booked our accommodation. hdjkksadj this is worrying. but has also tremendously improved my Tawakkal. if I had written this two weeks ago when I first dealt with Kak Anih, I would have smashed the keyboard to spit a lot of bad words, heck, it'd just be me ranting for three long paragraphs but now im just... whatever~

dia macam ye lah lantak ko lah. hahaha *laughs nervously*

but for the most parts, I really enjoyed planning the itinerary. It was a lot to take in tbh, especially when I knew nothing abt the country, not even from a single media before this. the transportations, the culture, the places, none.

I discovered Hallstatt myself through this, before kak anih even mentioned it to me to add it into the list. that's how clueless (also how disinterested) I was about the country. it wasn't in my wildest dream to have visited a country that has so many hidden gems that only now I knew (hidden from me at least LOL)

and todaaaay, after letting this entry rot in the draft for weeks..... it's D-Day!

(legit posting this in the airport)

Faith Events: Dr Omar Suleiman

 a quick update!

i opened my instagram that day, after going back and forth installing and uninstalling it (that's how determined i was to get rid of social media, although now the determination is gone GONE lol) and there it was!! the announcement. or the poster, whatever, which i never even knew, trust me, it's the first time i learned about faith events, or that Omar Suleiman was here before.

took no time to ask around but since none of my friend was able to go, i went alone. well, not so alone with my Kindle! brought so many book characters with meeee. tbh that was the only chance i got to spare for reading pun, because gosh, if not for this chance, that Kindle was better... off without me. finished a book and a half though, and that's what i would call a weekend well-spent!

Dr Omar Suleiman? ah don't get me started! i stumbled upon his podcast when i was bored, idk, and i instantly got hooked on The Firsts Series by him on Spotify. go check them out! if you love Sirah as much as I do (i figured i love Sirah because i just love listening to stories, never fail to intrigue me!) you better check them out!

I could never really focus in such setting. until the day I attended this event. wrote a whole 20+ pages listening to him actively. and this came from someone who always fell asleep during agama class, dari sekolah rendah way to college, im not even kidding (well, not surprised because look at me *stares in the mirror up and down and shakes head in disappointment*) 

i went back that weekend with so many resolves but if they were a list, none of them is checked, yet lol btw he's such an excellent speaker i think it'd do good if everyone could listen to him. there are probably parts of what he said that i didn't instantly agree with, but that's for me to ponder upon because if there's one fact i know, it's him being way more knowledgeable than me, i don't even dare but im proud that im at least... thinking. the more i think, the more i trace how our faith should work and i pray nothing but the best for me in this regard. well, aren't we all?

i'll add the picturessss later when im free lol  

Diari Ramadhan Hasanah Part II

"Hasanah!"

I tossed and turned. uhmm, this bed's so cosy.

"Hasanah!!!!"

tossed and turned again... now with a slow grunt because ...okay. I know I promised you Mak, but it's still so early... it's only.. *double tapped the phone to see the time* te... TEN!?!?!?

never had I jolted out of bed to dash into the kitchen that quickly and I really stood in front of her to process what she had baked without my presence, alone, at her old age. eyes still squinting.

"Mak gerak kamu dari tadi!! tak bangun bangun"

and I died a little inside. dang you Hasanah, how could you.

but I felt way worse when I saw her almost finishing the kuih she made. ...Mak... maybe I should have just died then. How could I? (◞‸◟) I immediately said an innumerable amount of sorry, wash myself at a lightning speed, took a seat and asked, "okay Mak, now what's next?"

She jeling me. but it's okay, I deserved it.

seriously, how did she do it? she woke up for Qiyam, went for Subuh berjemaah, so what? she probably started all of that at 8-9am right? so how did she do it? I woke up for Qiyam and I struggled to even open my eyes for Subuh (◞‸◟)

 
however, the other kuih ship had to sail, and it won't sail if she continues to merajuk. Therefore, to make her my bestfriend again, I reminded and praised her how she's such a superwoman, unlike me who's weak, lazy and ungrateful. there's nothing I could do at this point other than acknowledging my fault which isㅡ breaking my promise with her, leaving her alone to make the kuih. I knew I am Mak's carbon copy and it's in our blood that our type can't be angry for long. Hence, the ship sailed. quickly. tq Mak for being my Mak. I love you. 

I even created one core memory while doing this with her. it was mak and I dancing and singing to a song while moulding the kuih. just two domestic women enjoying the time in the kitchen. what a time to be alive! 

all of this and you'd think im the worst daughter ...until we are onto our third kuih and there came farhan hanis looking dejected just like I was two hours before and I shook my head with a jeling to her like I didn't commit the same crime. lol

a carbon copy is a carbon copy indeed.

we proceeded to sing together as we made our fourth kuih, now with the added member farhan hanis ♪(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪

the mess in our kitchen.

Diari Ramadhan Hasanah part I

but will there ever be a part II? lol looking at my regular pattern of not continuing any of my series that I started randomly, then ...I don't think so.

anyway, a day before Ramadhan, (and this is a TMI) I wrote in my diary that I did not have any excitement over what's coming. there's so much going on in my life and in this world to even think about it. I don't know how much of a difference it is compared to last year's, it just felt like it was another month for me. but oh, was I a fool.

Ramadhan doesn't need ME for it to be special. It will continue to offer so much regardless of my excitement. therefore whether i 'feel' it or not, I don't think I'd ever want to miss them, the rewards I mean. Rather than forcing myself, I just think that it would be a waste to throw away an opportunity to bask myself in the Berkah this month has to offer, even by doing the simplest good deed. 

so yeah, sorry Miss Farhan, you are not special. and yeah, investing for your Akhirat when your deeds aren't that much is something you MUST do, not SHOULD do. quickly after, I istighfar and tajdid my niat.  I NEED Ramadhan. Ramadhan doesn't need me（╹◡╹）(that's on why I love reflective writing!)

and Alhamdulillah it has been a blast since.

Life is just as hectic, the world continues to prove itself to be nothing but a menace, with Gaza still getting bombed left and right, 

but hey, look up.

It's Ramadhan. we may be powerless but with Du'a, with our own Jihad against our own Nafs, or just simply doing our best at work, insyaAllah, those too shall count as our efforts. Himnae-ra ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

the diari Ramadhan Hasanah would be, hm, does religiously filling my "days in pixel" with colours everyday count ʕʘ‿ʘʔ idk idk I am sure I can do better. Days before the last 10 days should be a marathon and the latter should be a sprint. but am I even at the starting line? *smile dejectedly* im sure im somewhere still tying my shoe lace........ 

ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ

One thing I know for sure is my housemates, Kak Amy, Kak Syaza, and everyone else around me has been making me happy... Alhamdulillah. walaupun I don't deserve their hospitality ...... ....... .. u___u ok bai tak reti nak sendu in public lol

p/s: I am writing this en route to sekgoq via ETS heeee #futuremeshouldremember

holidaaaaays (update!!)

idc what anyone says but I live everyday counting months, weeks and days to school holidaaays. any holiday really. it's the BIG (definitely not little) thing that gets me going in this life. uwu.

this long holiday, there was no big plan. the only plan I had that I knew I wanted to do was going to ESCAPE. and so I did. thankfully hanis sofia was as eager to gooo because I don't see myself going there alone, no matter how much I told myself that I actually could. most importantly, hanis enjoyed it so much! all the adventure and sky plays were so funnnnn, i might actually turn it into a yearly visit. haha ...ha ha.

and ofc shoutout to my high school friendsssss that definitely made my holidays much moreeee enjoyable. They cured sth in me I didn't think needed a cure. badminton, hiking, just chatting away, shopping, kenduri. tbh I have never had that many friends to go out with at once here in Penang. I probably prayed for it, back when my family teased me. now I can bark "look, these are real people going out with me every day, and they are none other but my friends!" shkdshhdjd JK but that would probably stop them from teasing me that i have no friends... kan kan. haha

and then with Mak. not so much with Abah because he's toooo preoccupied this time around.............. i might sign him up for next PM.....

anyway with Mak, I got her featured in my diary and I will treasure it forever. for.e.ver. we also went out for a lot of datesssss, coffee dates. the barista at this one cafe must have recognized our faces already, but... it's okay i dah nak balik dah :(

and every day without fail i akan walk alone to soak in the feeling of being grateful for the people and the things I do and encounter. this time around i balik i promised myself not to drop even a little tear. over kan. macam la I kerja London jahsjahjsjdhj one day maybe wahahaha tapi still, let's see how I fare :P

(Update!!) - it's been a weeeeek and i shed no tear at all. uwu. hahaha big part of it must have been sbb mak teman i balik duduk sebelah hihi btw tomorrow's first day of school, pray for my peace of mind sbb i taknak feel restless anymore. i wanna put more trust in my colleagues haha

Taking Care of a Bunch of 17-year-olds

I did the Maths. So when I was seventeen, these bunch of seventeen-year-olds in front of me were eight. EIGHT. *stares into distance in disbelief*

Anyway, I didn’t let that get the better of me, because age is just a number and if I see them having fun, I can, too, you know? Age is just a number.

But they weren’t having fun when I saw them just sitting, chatting away. And that bothered me for a reason I couldn’t explain.

I knew I wasn’t obligated to make suggestions of what they could do while they were on this quarantine period and I don’t think I was even allowed to, but they weren’t doing anything— anything fun and I couldn’t just let that be.

Therefore I took no time to composedly proposed a game, pretending I wasn't excited for them. especially when they chorally answered "Nak!!" in unison. eheh. now, onto the game! it's a game where I think they could experience a sense of betrayal from people whom they thought were they friends, a game that would make them look lame if they lose their cool, a game where everyone needs to carefully think, a game those our age are probably familiar with—

Werewolf and Citizens! *flashes a mischievous smile behind a curtain*

It didn’t surprise me that they haven’t heard of it, but I was touched for a second when I was explaining the rules, because woah, I am really going to be this one teacher they remember every time they play this game throughout their life. That’s. so. cool. Haha

And y’all, the quarantine period was from morning until 2pm, and they played the game the ENTIRE time. Shdsjjdksd I wasn’t expecting that. And I felt bad to be That teacher that had to control their noises bc as you know, this game can get INTENSE.

but the unexpected comradery I saw as they were playing it, the funny banter among them, the one two girls smiling sheepishly at the corner, the one boy who seems to be the heartthrob of this class, and me, looking at them.. had had me wishing I could be 17 again... *cooly wiped my fake tears in front of the whiteboard*

the quarantine room aka makmal sains

finally hitting the gym

is it the dopamine? probably. but am I proud? heck yes. haha idc I might just stop hitting the gym once I just ~don't feel like it~ anymore but pls do pray I would at least keep it going this whole month. lol

I usually (read: seldomly) exercised at night before, until I noticed "oh? exercising in the morning is not that bad?" during my December holiday last year. 

really, Hasanah, what have you been doing in the morning all this time? *squinting eyes, judging*

........well uhm aaaaaa uhmmm tidoq? *clasp hands nervously* 

JK. I did take a nap and it's definitely not a sleep, not when I have so many on my plates. cei.

but whatever to that because this year I already decided I wanted turn over a new leaf which is... hitting the gym ......in the morning. *slips hair behind my ear looking proud*

is there any change so far though? idk but one thing I note is I just don't sleep, sorry, NAP in the morning anymore. (I probably should!)

the gym is nice and simple. besides, barely anyone is there in the morning. and I go there with a mission. a goal. weight goal. I know I already shed off 15kg but it's... not... let's just say I have not reached my ideal weight yet and I eat like a possessed gurl every day gahsaahshahs

phew. a whole month okay? and it's only been a week. another three weeks! I got this! insyaAllah.

I moved out!

one day, as I was sitting down trying to finish my work, I looked around to judge my room layout (dia mcm tibbbeerrrr kan?) and I felt ... naaaaaa... I think it's about time to redo all of it.

that almari? shouldn't be there.

this katil? better be here. 

bla bla bla. 

and so I stood up, walked to the almari, tried to shift it. and if it weren't for the back side of the almari yg dh obviously brittle, I would have had a brand-new room. it turned out that that almari can't be moved, ever. or it would topple over and everybody would find me squeezed under it the next day. 

so I macam hm, what should I do now?

Honestly my laptop was probably glaring at me shouting "Well, DO ME?!!?!" that I had no choice but to sit down again, pouting, 'ala, bosanlah layout bilik ni' >.> *aggressively typed on the laptop* dasar ungrateful but whatever. 

and then guess what? shortly after, my landlord dropped a notice saying we had until January to move out because the house was then sold. 

ah, perfect.

so I giddily searched for a new room to rent and here I am tonight! in my newwww rooooom! Alhamdulillah! (I wish it was this easy without the sudden emotional realisation that I was Actually leaving the FIRST room I rented *wipetears*)

there's nothing really interesting pun, just a new fresh view but if there's one thing I have learned, it's... to not put a big-ass carpet or it'll be so dang hard to sweep your lantai. pls, every time I needed to clean my old room, I had to gather a magical strength to move the bed, the study table, the rak, before I could get the carpet off my floor. such unnecessary hassle. no more. just a nice lil carpet would do. (so yeah sorry Alyn, the carpet u bought for me is now safe with my sister u.u)

for now I am loving my new room and the new house.

but I wish people could have warned me how moving out is a super extreme sport. like, bruh I cried. but that too, had come to pass so I no longer mind it... (plus there's nothing I could do about it + I ASKED for it anyway haha) if anything, it had taught me not to buy massive furniture until I own a house.  

besides, they have a gym and a swimming poool hereeeeee. now aside from getting a new room, I can also come up with a new routineeeee??? insyaAllah. haha

bye!

2024 New Year Resolution

2023 was a blast and I will forever be grateful for that. I mature, I grow, I felt dependable, I have greater self-control, I read more than 10 books Alhamdulillah and I simply love all these little-by-little changes. insyaAllah I'll do better next year. (u think I should go for 20 books? naaaa lmao)

but there's one thing I haven't been able to do this year (yang I am aware of lol) that I will pass to 2024 me... it's...

detaching myself from social medias. or social medias without the S. because really, there's only Instagram left. I dah beheaded Twitter, which I thought was impossible so yeah I can do Instagram too. TikTok? never had it. 

It's not like I posted much, but... I would rather write long paragraph about what happened to my day in my diary or here. sometimes I do let myself get indulged in bad thoughts after posting stuff but most of the time I know deep down I dont care. Even if I cared it'd be just a few mins after posting and I would then totally forget about it. I know I could turn my ig captions into a blog post however I like, but the thing is, mcm, no thanks. hahahaha

so until then, I think I'd be good just writing on my diary or here. Plus Instagram features are great, haih, if not for the archive thingy I would even deactivate. but nope I takkan deactivate until ig mysteriously undo the archive feature haha. I would probably just post less.... especially on ig story. I also want to normalize posting stories later rather than immediately after. faham tak?

Besides, and this is the main point. THIS POINT SHOULD BE UP THERE WHAT WAS I THINKING WHEN I WAS WRITING THIS

*clears throat* ehem

there's so much work I could have done instead of scrolling past millions of reels. Isn't this us all? haha so yeah I think you get this. I also wanna stop justifying such irresponsible habit, saying it's my me-time that I thought I deserve. I want to be diligent and I think it'd be cool if I work harder on things that I like to do, especially things yang would help in my teaching like playing instruments! learning new language! equipping myself with lessons-based short stories for the kids. and more! eheh.

and for other resolutions, I will think as I go. I am not the type of person who would meticulously plan what my goals are for the year, I'd be better writing them by months (kononnnn ahahaha, done nipu) so yoooo that's all. Adios 2023! 

I... guess..?

it was a normal evening. I was teaching in the classroom (more like making sounds and dancing and making weird moves but let's not tell you that) just imagine me gracefully writing on the whiteboard, shining, looking pretty and cool, when suddenly one student of mine walked in front to ask:

"Miss, you are intelligent right?"

I went "Huh?" pretending not to hear him even though the question was simple, clear and concise bc please, I needed time to assess what he meant by that question.

His face: didn't look confused.

His tone: wasn't demeaning.

His reason: error 404

and so he went again,

"You are Actually intelligent right?" now with his eyebrows raised and a smile.

but being the insecure potato I was, I went "What?" again, hoping he'd just stop bc lol I know I might have looked like a clown with a big red nose to him at the moment but I swear I wasn't always like that T___T however he persistently asked that every cell in my brain had to aggressively typed some possible answers for me to tell him and the answer that my brain had deemed the best at that moment? it's this:

"Uh-huh yeah I guess..?" 

lmaaaaaoooo which of my brain cell intern came up with this? gurl can't even confidently say "Yes" sdjkskdjsd to a seven year-old! or you know what? a humble answer would have been much cooler like "Oh no, I am still learning" or "I don't think so, you are more intelligent than me I bet" like ??????????  

but before I could alter my answer, the kid just walked away smiling after exclaiming "Oh yes, I know you are!" eye-?

what? what is this behavior? come back and explain!!! Geez. now im probably really just a clown to him kan? *cries while taking this clown makeup off*

All My Birthdays

things I recall on my birthday. 

I came from a family who didnt really celebrate birthdays and we never cared to even ask why. till now pun idc much. that's why im BAD at other people's birthdays as well as my own😔 I think the earliest memory of me celebrating birthday was when I was 16, which was *gasp* 9 years ago.. (omg what?!?) 

it was when I baked my first cheesecake for my girls and they LOVED it (idk if they were just being nice bc I was the birthday girl kan, but hihi sumpah it was still the best cheesecake I'd ever had too *smug face*) and their praises were enough to get me so conceited and proud as a peacock to bake it the second time for my family ..only for it to be so below average lol

then I got to my 18th, uwu. I remember being grandly pranked by my housemates to which I really had NO idea at all. sly bi***, uhhh, thank you.

and then 19, pranked by someone who knew me too wellㅡ elle sharmaine hani🥹 she knew by then I loved getting wishes. so she secretly messaged everyone not to wish me. cunning. bet she knew how I was expecting them to the point where I would embarrassingly ask my friends to guess what day it was.........

in which i actually did😭 

I asked almost everyone and nobody gave me the answer I wanted to hear😭 I thought if I were persistent enough, someone would actually scream "YOUR BIRTHDAY!?!?" and I would say "Yes!!! HEHE" 

but no... what I had was a bunch of friends who guessed every kind of days EXCEPT my birthday😂 (especially you, Alia) wei I was so frustrated I ended up telling Alia "harini birthday aku..."  to which she nonchalantly replied, "ha-ha ok? Happy birthday?" (kak maine shouldve awarded her a trophy sumpah) 

it was so funny and disappointing at the same time😂 

but then there it was, my surprised birthday song by my classmates at the end of our class. shocked, thankful (and embarrassed) thank God the day didn't end with me starting my diary with how I was surrounded by fake friends. phew.

by the next next birthday I was already a pro at seeing clues and signs of my birthday pranks. therefore every prank after that was a fail, be from my family or my friends (born bijak mcm ni la haha astaghfirullah gurau) but I cherished every moment of it the same! hihi

pastu last year! got lotsa presents too (2 hadiah is a lot for me ya) walaupun I bukan jenis kisah sangat pasal hadiah, or anything related to birthdays like pls, I lost the first friendship bracelet alyn gave me when we were 16? 17? Wait.. 15?!? T____T

and then this year!!! happy 25th *gags* birthday farhan hasanah! Alhamdulillah I had a blast today, too. I guess if you, too, wanna make my day, wish me now before the clock strikes 12? hahaha classic hasanah, selfish and demanding with her main-character syndrome. 

hmm for my birthday, my cliche wish would be the things I pray for everyday kot haha boleh dak lagutu? the not-so-cliche one is for everyone who reads this to have his/her wishes granted! (mcm cliche jugak je hahaha)

ah whatever, im just grateful. bye.

just bringing my own quote back lmao

me vs cooking

It's not like I didn't try okay?!?!

I do cook. but the food... *smiles painfully*

I took cooking seriously when I started my diet few months ago but I don't think this should be counted as a way to improve such skill because? my diet food... was... a bit.. jdkjdksdjksjjhgdj

OK not a bit, it's VERY bland. therefore it should not be put in the list of things-I-did-to-improve-my-cooking. at. all. if there's ever a resume, the only experience I could put was all the time i was in the kitchen helping my parents, and even that can't help me to be a good, determined cook. I was only helping anyway :(

so now I feel like I have to start from zero. again. hihi.

but honestly, don't worry about me. bc heeelllo? I got the first thing ticked off already ok? which is ...my will. my will to cook. so I can assure you I am going to do fine. I also think that I got the second thing on my list ready— cooking videos from Youtube. phew, the amount of videos I had saved, you can't tell me that I am not going to make it. i AM going to make it. Watch me.

Besides, I often dream of making my own bekal. and it's not a typical bekal that I dreamed of, it's the aesthetic ones where they've got cute cut of veges and fruits, omelet, cute mountain of rice covered in sprinkles of seaweed, with marinated chicken pops or fried chicken pops or baked salmon or marinated beef strips, all arranged prettily in one bento bekal. wow. see, I dreamed of getting into that stage already. that means I already have VISIONS, alright? I am going to do fine! it's no biggie! *smug face*

Lastly, the most important thing I did which tells that this is a serious business for me is, I had uninstalled the glory app for a lazy cook a busy, career woman like me ......foodpanda! done and dusted. away from my phone. see my determination? unmatched. unprecedented. unparalleled. 

so what do you think? I am going to make it, kan? kan kan?

as the saying goes, when there's a will, there's a... *stutters* wa-ay! *laughs nervously* right?

on a serious note, yes, I do want to learn slowly. for me. for my little family in the future too insyaAllah ececei berangan. hahaha

Day 1: Universal Studios Japan!

waking up at 4.30 in the morning had never been as easy and exciting as this day (well, subuh was around 5.30am?) and Alyn and I (mostly me lol) wanted to turn up early at USJ! hence the early alarm. there were so many things I imagined seeing before I went there and to be able to actually turn those imaginations into reality? a total blessing! 

I think we waited for around an hour before the opening and the opening was so cuteeeeee, like the staff's synchronized greeting was so adorable.

and omg we waited out there in COLD. like it was so cold, super breezy and windy I would have been a frozen pole at the end of the wait if it ain't for my body heat!

by the time we passed through the gate, everyone was apparently running? so I thought— we should too right? LOL and we immediately ran to.......

HOGWARTS!

please you all need to know how excited I was for thisssss. even this blog name came from a spell from Harry Potter so bet!

and see how there weren't many people there? we were That early and by the time we came out, there were already so many people lining up for it. The 4D ride? was probably the best ride here, for real. We flew *dangerously* around the castle, with all real effects- heat, water, and even when the dementors came to suck(?) our soul. idk how they did it but I felt it through my bones. the spiders and the dementors were real by the way! never had I imagined that I would fly around the quidditch turf but we did that day and phewww, dreams do come real after all haha Alhamdulillah.

and then there was one more ride in Hogsmeade that we lined up for. that, too was fun hihi after we toured around, I felt really reluctant to walk out of Hogsmeade for other rides in USJ but there was no other choice anyway. I didn't pay for just Hogsmeade kan. lol

Jurassic City was next and I couldn't stop thinking of my nieces there. The dinosaurs ;A; we also hopped onto the sit of the roller coaster there and tbh it wasn't scary enough for me. bc o...kay...? 360 degree turn up above the sky? well. do better lol. I certainly wanted more when I was done. but strangely enough, the same night, I could feel the 360 degree turn in my sleep istg 

I want moreee!

and THEN, the turning-into-villain ride at the Minion Park. 

I. DID. NOT. EXPECT. THAT.

I screamed here louder than any ride there. on God, how could they let kids in for this? shjkdshdskd

after that, we strolled around the Hollywood City, the buildings were nicely built, it didn't have the Japan feel around it and I guess we could tick off LA out of our travel list now. while walking around we saw the Spiderman hall so we decided 'why not!' 

T'was fun too. Couldn't get enough of it all, never will. even until today, 3 weeks after huhu (tiber emo)

and and and nowwwwww, when I saw in the app that there was a Jujutsu Kaisen 4D show, I made a run for it. hehe. definitely worth it. why? 

because I. was. saved by THE Gojo sensei.

did I cry when he came out? Yeah.

Was being trapped in his ryoki tenkai THAT amusing? YEAH omg.

Was Alyn a victim of my multiple soft slaps as I sobbed? Yeah.

Was I offered a time to calm myself down as I walked out crying? Yeah.

never underestimate me when I get emotional :P

After the turmoil, we turned up at Hogsmeade one last time to try the butterbeeeerrrrr. Alyn said it was coke with butter in it. well. idk how to counter that so imma agree with her on that lol and whatever coke+butter it is, it was still so sedaaaaap T______T you think I'd get that taste if I put butter in my coke btw? Should I try? haha

Hogwarts at night was truly magnificent btw :") 

and then we rode kids' rides in the last minuteeeessss before the closing and we strolled around the whole USJ,  looking at the stuff they sell while soaking in the viewwww. who knows when is our next time kan? huhu

we went back feeeeeling soooo satisfied. Alhamdulillah.

The day was entertainingly tiring.

USJ entrance ticket: RM292 per person through KKDay. 

wanted to buy on Klook but it was sold out. and a few days after we bought the ticket, we decided we wanted the express pass but to no avail sbb sold out jugak :") that too would cost RM290+ kot. I highly suggest buying it! we didn't get the chance to, so if you wanna buy it, be early! 

Japan Trip: The Planning

this is way overdue as I am now safely back in Malaysia after my Japan trip but um, I would still love to write from the start, which was the planning of this all and how it came about. 

there was nothing special about how this was realised, really, but it was impromptu and I'd never even thought of going to Jap- heck, of ever going on a trip pun  ...until that one facetime where Alyn was at the end of the line, proposing, "Jom pergi Jepun?" 

and I laughed over it until I realised she was actually being serious. lmao. and I panicked bc woah, I really wanted to! because you see, at that point I'd never been oversea or rode any airplane, ever, so it was unimaginable for me that that plan was going to come through. so if it ever did happen, it'd be THE many firsts for me. besides, we'd only have two months to plan everything.

but even then, Alhamdulillah it did! happen! I went to Japan. with my best friend.

the hunt for the flight tickets was hell though, at least for me. bc I couldn't stop hoping that we'd get the best deal (=cheap tickets haha) The hunt was done over the course of several days, with the help of my sister who's an avid traveler and Alyn? welp. after dumping the proposal to me, she HAD to leave me on my own for her exam. I was pretty sure she worried more for me than her exam though, because I. was. just being frantic all over. until I finally sealed the deal— the dates and the flight tickets. (big special thanks to Kak Anih!)

Now onto our itinerary.

I had to wait until Alyn wrapped her exam, which by then, a month to go for our trip.

The plan was: Alyn finished exam ---> straight away come to sleepover at my house ---> do itinerary together ---> done!

but this girl ditched me over a date on the day we were supposed to start our itinerary. 

and I rolled my eyes, real hard. I believe I cried and did the dramatic "WHYYYYY?? HOW COULD CHU DO THIS TO MEEEE??? *sobs uncontrollably*" too? :P

bc pls, at one month to go, we hadn't done anything. hotels, what day at which region, necessary advanced tickets— none shshjhd so when Alyn came, we worked our fingers to the bones for our itinerary. pls, even deciding which days at which region pun pening haha and we Had to write the details down for fear of getting the dates wrong. 

 looking at it now pun tak faham. hshshhs

getting through our day-by-day itinerary was such a hassle. nevertheless it was such a fun experience for me,  even with all the little fights and laughs over our stupidity (most of it was Alyn's :P) haha

and after the sleepover, Alhamdulillah everything was set! All we had to do was wait. and for me it felt like someone had removed a huge stone from my back as I got to go to school ...happier than ever.

 

I'll continue in my next post for my Day 1 - USJ if I rajin wkwkwkwk and 

and I will. be. rajin 😤 sbb I am still excited to write about it! (for now) lol

On this, the budgets were:

Accommodations: RM910 (for both of us, at three different stays)

Flight tickets: Scoot Airlines - transit @ SG. RM1.2k + RM400++ (luggage) each

2022 in a glance

too many things had happened this year that when I look back now, I can't believe it's all now in the past. except for me working because lol that's no past. that'd be my yesterday, tomorrow, in the future, forever sampai pencen. haha but truly, everything that happened this year felt like a flashing camera you know? one click with a flash and it's done. okay lol. I might be exaggerating but you get what I mean.

this year I moved into a new phase of my life— working life. bla bla bla same ol' thing I told everyone, I cried, sobbed, bawled, wept trying to adjust myself. so phew I am pleased that it's all done and dusted now. aaand I made friends with few of my colleagues, I was assigned tasks that I wished I didn't get, I attended my grad ceremony, I bought a car, I became spr staff, voted, decorated my single room, had a joyous family day, experienced raya kalut kalut haha (weh legit had to look up the year in case I was mistaken), went to Genting with Alyn, attended Kakti's kenduri in Kelantan with my gals and vibing with kelantenese, gosh it was the best— Kelantan is. I also completely lost my voice for a week aaaand in all those things that had happened, Alhamdulillah I learned so much in everything, albeit sometimes only after my self-reflection. (yes sis memang take time to accept things as it is :P)

Oh, and I lost 15kg too! How could I forget that? perhaps because it's still counting. I plan to do a separate entry for this once I have reached my target too (which is only 4-5 kg away now, yay) so wait and see? haha

and my birthday! my birthday this year was a little sad to write about tbh. ye la, compared to previous years when I was studying which is = when college housemates were around. the bar was already set too high. but no worries, I was cool though and bc if I told you guys, I think most of you would symphatise with me instead haha even I do at times when I brood about it. Let's just say I was alright and that the chances the same thing would happen again next year is high. haha

hmmmm so now, we are down to the final week of this year, a significant year I'd say. with all the new things I have to adapt to especially. and even in this final few weeks I had squeezed an opportunity to challenge myself to go out of my comfort zone and just DO IT! Alhamdulillah and InsyaAllah I pray that everything from now on to that day is eased. Aamiin.

alas here I am, not ready to bid farewell to this year yet but hey, it's still 4 days away so I think I will have an ample time to finally bid adieu to this eventful year. nevertheless, I hope next year would lay more chances for me to become happier and joyful-lier ahahah. Aamiin.

Had to Give Up My Bed to a Witch

Wow, wow, wow.

Look at me now, typing on my laptop while lying down on this cold hard floor in my own room!!! (although I am actually on a carpet but let's not be nice)  

Why you ask me?

because I had to give up my bed to the witch!!! just because I lost at osom!!!

This witch is really... (her name's Alyn btw but don't be deceived by that normal name)

so now yeah, she's resting on my bed while I have to once in while check my waist/hip to make sure there's no crack. and if you ask me why didn't I prepare a toto... well. I didn't think it was necessary since I have a bed lol ....guest who?

jkjk I wanted to buy it ofc but I've been putting it on hold thinking 'ah later laaaah' so now who's losing? Yeah ME. 

padan muka.

one night. I am going to bear this cold hard floor (with carpet lol) to honour my lost to Alyn in osom. should have never agreed to this game :<

but hey, if I could survive sleeping in cold weather in an open hall on a cold hard floor (without carpet!) 4 years ago (kem unit uniform), this is nothing. haha 

my view while the witch's laughing at the background 

but ofc you can't hear her cuz this is a .jpg #tiberbitter

1, 2 Diary— A Confession

I have a confession to make... to you, yes You. the very website I am using now, this blog, colloportuspell or whatever names I had labelled you in the past– yep You.

I know I have been telling everybody how you are basically my diary but you don't know do you? that I.. I..

I have my own physical diary, and it's not only recently *blows nose*

It's been forever if I were to be honest (and if the diary I had thrown away 12 years ago was counted haha) for you, and my physical diary, it's always been a matter of choice for me... 

and listen,

I don't mean to betray you, or cheat on you, but you'd probably guessed it, no? Afterall I only write here once in a blue moon...... but still...

I am sorry.

and I am sorry to tell you that I am now enjoying writing on my physical diary a lot more than I think I would. and it takes lesser effort too, and I don't mean to tell that writing here is a hassle!!! but being conscious of what I write here, especially publicly is getting a bit draining. 

but worry not!!! I will never!! abandon you!!

I promise I'll come visit, like today when I feel like confessing to you, or days when I feel like sharing my joy, if not all maybe one or two because after all, you've always been there. with me. the white screen for me to write on and share bits of my happiness.

and it will stay that way. for 10, 20 or 50 years more. insyaAllah.

therefore if you ask me will I ever write to you again? Definitely yes.

It's just a confession to get this guilt of always leaving this website for months, off this shoulder. hihi.