Twist, Symbolisms, Setting

I know I've told this many times but Alyn was genuinely the one person I remember wanting to be friend with when we were both 10 years old, for just because. it was, as far as I can remember, the first time I ever made an effort to be someone's friend. nevermind her reply that was kinda boastful and childish to my effort(?), .(..yep i remember them all) I still... idk.. I just want this gurl to be MY friend. but then we parted ways without even properly knowing each other.....

...and boom! 3 years later, there she was standing in front of 1IK. and ofc I recognized her instantly! the first sentence I spoke was "hampa Azlyn kan?" oh.. God's planning.

now she's just ...straight up annoying. 

pls I love recalling such memory because I AM dramatic and this story kinda fits all the drama elements I'd learned. the twist, the symbolisms, the setting. 

oh I remember how I formed my friendship with sfs and gals too, the du'a I prayed, the friends I got. these are the memories of people other than my family that I hope I won't forget. thus, the recalling. and for another phase of my life now- gee. it's just that …I haven't made an effort to type out the words which I swear are in my mind already.

the classic selfie. LOL

We had covid.

it's about time man.

so this was three? weeks ago when I went home for holidays and all of my fam members contracted this virus as soon as we got back from eating at Halab. At that point, we didn't care where and from whom we got it from because our whole kampung was down with it anyway so like I said, it was about time. Was I worried? Definitely. especially for my elderly parents. did I see it coming? Yes and No because we did try our best to protect ourselves too, but God had said "Kun"— be and it is. 

Mak was the first one to get infected and when she was down with it, none of us had symptoms or were positive. It was heartbreaking to us because we had to submit Mak to the hospital as her low oxygen level was worrying. (Thanks to my quick effort to go buy the oximeter as soon as we confirmed her case, yep! defo need that credit!) and so my holidays went by without my mom except for the first and the last few days of the holidays (it's a three-week holidays) 

and two days after Mak got admitted, everyone in the family was infected. what a chain. I took Panadol every 6 hours for two-three days and I became better Alhamdulillah. and I had fun supervising Abah because our friendly banter of me forcing him to take his meds was really hilarious (sometimes. well, until I got serious to counter him as he's always being playfully stubborn)

While I don't want to go through that again, I would say it was a healing experience for me, to remember Him, to remain steadfast in my faith and to grow even closer to my family through ibadah means. All we did was praying, connecting to each other for Mak.

when Mak came back, I was so happy, so grateful, so relieved. Many scenarios were in my mind when we were sending her off to the hospital but oh, God, thank you so much for choosing the best one to come true. Alhamdulillah.

and now Gee is quarantine-ing herself in the room as we speak. Do pray for her.

A month of living ...not so alone.

I am unexpectedly doing good. After the emotional turmoil of ...you know... being away from home, (my previous entry) I am proud to say that I have officially passed that phase. Actually, it's been a while since I found myself enjoying my life now...hihi

The reason why I wrote that I am living ...not so alone is because I have Gee in the house! Even though at times we leave each other to be on our own (read: room), I am still grateful that she's around. if there's someone who always barges into other's room to find comfort; it's me. crashing into her room just so I could lay down and do my stuff... haha what more when she said "I don't mind it" ...girl probably didn't know what she signed up for.

Gee was my high-school friend btw. I honestly didn't remember how we first met because we kinda just became friends one day and I believe Raudatul Azkiya' had a part in it. I probably made friends there more than when I was in my class, really.

so I am living "not so alone" bc I have her. when I feel like going out at night for a drive, she's always up for it! It does feel different when you have a nice friend sitting next to you compared to when you are alone. It's comforting, it's assuring. Both of us are also lazy cooks (for now. because we promised we'd TRY to become rajin) so it kinda adds some points to having a companion for a dinner outside! haha

Although Gee and I have different professions, we still get a lot to talk about. so if I were to tell you if I felt lonely or not, I am definitely not! :D

Adjusting

Right. stepping into a new phase of life will always be about adjusting. adjusting yourself to a new place, friends, environment, state.... school... which is what I am weak at. If accepting reality is a subject in school, I would a get an F. 

I don't think I am a pampered child but I am close with my family + I enjoy little to big things I do at home like annoying my parents and siblings. eg: shuffling into their bedroom to perform an octopus dance then walk out right away kind of daughter/sister? That's the type of person I am at home lol

and there is no one else I could annoy like that here. that's one of the reasons why lah. there are many more reasons and I don't have the energy to type them out— of why I felt sad about this whole thing.

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful. Grateful for the job given, grateful to have a good start in my life. there's NO but. The sadness I am writing here stems from something entirely different. It's my own self-conflict and issue.

Perhaps it's about stepping into something much bigger than I was used to.

I thought I was okay, or at least I was gonna be okay. I am 14 now kot? dah besar come on! but after I sent my family away and stepped into my "new" home, alone, I burst out crying instantly! what had made it worse was there was no one else around. the deafening silence I felt was so depressing and that's when I knew that wow, the reality had sunk in badly man. at least in Ipb* I had friends I could instantly hug to make me feel better.. 

then I went into my room, continued crying as I tidied up my stuff, and laid down to sleep. Oh my, I told you I am so weak at this!!! I was thissss close to call my parents to come back and take me home but I held on.

by the fourth day I got so tired of this sorrow and desolation that I formed a new resolve to at least not cry about it. oh, I didn't only cry, I wailed. and red sleeve finale eps had made it even worse (tiber)

It's to the point I didn't know dah what I could do to make me feel better ....until I finally turned to Him. There's like a whisper that reminded me, "Hey, The Almighty is in control of your heart! Remember Him!"

so I started praying a lot. I got deep with Him. I let myself be more specific. I told Him everything. from acknowledging that I was in sorrow and that I was afraid of what this could lead to, to asking for His guidance, to praying to Him to alleviate my sadness. everything. 

and I have no one else but Him to be grateful for, for the people He sent to remind me of Him. Hasanah, put Him first in everything you encounter— struggles, happiness, sadness, grief and He would turn all those into so much more that at the end of the day, you'll find yourself be even more grateful to Him.

so remember Him!