Diari Ramadhan Hasanah Part II

"Hasanah!"

I tossed and turned. uhmm, this bed's so cosy.

"Hasanah!!!!"

tossed and turned again... now with a slow grunt because ...okay. I know I promised you Mak, but it's still so early... it's only.. *double tapped the phone to see the time* te... TEN!?!?!?

never had I jolted out of bed to dash into the kitchen that quickly and I really stood in front of her to process what she had baked without my presence, alone, at her old age. eyes still squinting.

"Mak gerak kamu dari tadi!! tak bangun bangun"

and I died a little inside. dang you Hasanah, how could you.

but I felt way worse when I saw her almost finishing the kuih she made. ...Mak... maybe I should have just died then. How could I? (◞‸◟) I immediately said an innumerable amount of sorry, wash myself at a lightning speed, took a seat and asked, "okay Mak, now what's next?"

She jeling me. but it's okay, I deserved it.

seriously, how did she do it? she woke up for Qiyam, went for Subuh berjemaah, so what? she probably started all of that at 8-9am right? so how did she do it? I woke up for Qiyam and I struggled to even open my eyes for Subuh (◞‸◟)

 
however, the other kuih ship had to sail, and it won't sail if she continues to merajuk. Therefore, to make her my bestfriend again, I reminded and praised her how she's such a superwoman, unlike me who's weak, lazy and ungrateful. there's nothing I could do at this point other than acknowledging my fault which isㅡ breaking my promise with her, leaving her alone to make the kuih. I knew I am Mak's carbon copy and it's in our blood that our type can't be angry for long. Hence, the ship sailed. quickly. tq Mak for being my Mak. I love you. 

I even created one core memory while doing this with her. it was mak and I dancing and singing to a song while moulding the kuih. just two domestic women enjoying the time in the kitchen. what a time to be alive! 

all of this and you'd think im the worst daughter ...until we are onto our third kuih and there came farhan hanis looking dejected just like I was two hours before and I shook my head with a jeling to her like I didn't commit the same fault. lol

a carbon copy is a carbon copy indeed.

we proceeded to sing together as we made our fourth kuih, now with the added member farhan hanis ♪(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪

the mess in our kitchen.

Diari Ramadhan Hasanah part I

but will there ever be a part II? lol looking at my regular pattern of not continuing any of my series that I started randomly, then ...I don't think so.

anyway, a day before Ramadhan, (and this is a TMI) I wrote in my diary that I did not have any excitement over what's coming. there's so much going on in my life and in this world to even think about it. I don't know how much of a difference it is compared to last year's, it just felt like it was another month for me. but oh, was I a fool.

Ramadhan doesn't need ME for it to be special. It will continue to offer so much regardless of my excitement. therefore whether i 'feel' it or not, I don't think I'd ever want to miss them, the rewards I mean. Rather than forcing myself, I just think that it would be a waste to throw away an opportunity to bask myself in the Berkah this month has to offer, even by doing the simplest good deed. 

so yeah, sorry Miss Farhan, you are not special. and yeah, investing for your Akhirat when your deeds aren't that much is something you MUST do, not SHOULD do. quickly after, I istighfar and tajdid my niat.  I NEED Ramadhan. Ramadhan doesn't need me（╹◡╹）(that's on why I love reflective writing!)

and Alhamdulillah it has been a blast since.

Life is just as hectic, the world continues to prove itself to be nothing but a menace, with Gaza still getting bombed left and right, 

but hey, look up.

It's Ramadhan. we may be powerless but with Du'a, with our own Jihad against our own Nafs, or just simply doing our best at work, insyaAllah, those too shall count as our efforts. Himnae-ra ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

the diari Ramadhan Hasanah would be, hm, does religiously filling my "days in pixel" with colours everyday count ʕʘ‿ʘʔ idk idk I am sure I can do better. Days before the last 10 days should be a marathon and the latter should be a sprint. but am I even at the starting line? *smile dejectedly* im sure im somewhere still tying my shoe lace........ 

ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ

One thing I know for sure is my housemates, Kak Amy, Kak Syaza, and everyone else around me has been making me happy... Alhamdulillah. walaupun I don't deserve their hospitality ...... ....... .. u___u ok bai tak reti nak sendu in public lol

p/s: I am writing this en route to sekgoq via ETS heeee #futuremeshouldremember

holidaaaaays (update!!)

idc what anyone says but I live everyday counting months, weeks and days to school holidaaays. any holiday really. it's the BIG (definitely not little) thing that gets me going in this life. uwu.

this long holiday, there was no big plan. the only plan I had that I knew I wanted to do was going to ESCAPE. and so I did. thankfully hanis sofia was as eager to gooo because I don't see myself going there alone, no matter how much I told myself that I actually could. most importantly, hanis enjoyed it so much! all the adventure and sky plays were so funnnnn, i might actually turn it into a yearly visit. haha ...ha ha.

and ofc shoutout to my high school friendsssss that definitely made my holidays much moreeee enjoyable. They cured sth in me I didn't think needed a cure. badminton, hiking, just chatting away, shopping, kenduri. tbh I have never had that many friends to go out with at once here in Penang. I probably prayed for it, back when my family teased me. now I can bark "look, these are real people going out with me every day, and they are none other but my friends!" shkdshhdjd JK but that would probably stop them from teasing me that i have no friends... kan kan. haha

and then with Mak. not so much with Abah because he's toooo preoccupied this time around.............. i might sign him up for next PM.....

anyway with Mak, I got her featured in my diary and I will treasure it forever. for.e.ver. we also went out for a lot of datesssss, coffee dates. the barista at this one cafe must have recognized our faces already, but... it's okay i dah nak balik dah :(

and every day without fail i akan walk alone to soak in the feeling of being grateful for the people and the things I do and encounter. this time around i balik i promised myself not to drop even a little tear. over kan. macam la I kerja London jahsjahjsjdhj one day maybe wahahaha tapi still, let's see how I fare :P

(Update!!) - it's been a weeeeek and i shed no tear at all. uwu. hahaha big part of it must have been sbb mak teman i balik duduk sebelah hihi btw tomorrow's first day of school, pray for my peace of mind sbb i taknak feel restless anymore. i wanna put more trust in my colleagues haha

Taking Care of a Bunch of 17-year-olds

I did the Maths. So when I was seventeen, these bunch of seventeen-year-olds in front of me were eight. EIGHT. *stares into distance in disbelief*

Anyway, I didn’t let that get the better of me, because age is just a number and if I see them having fun, I can, too, you know? Age is just a number.

But they weren’t having fun when I saw them just sitting, chatting away. And that bothered me for a reason I couldn’t explain.

I knew I wasn’t obligated to make suggestions of what they could do while they were on this quarantine period and I don’t think I was even allowed to, but they weren’t doing anything— anything fun and I couldn’t just let that be.

Therefore I took no time to composedly proposed a game, pretending I wasn't excited for them. especially when they chorally answered "Nak!!" in unison. eheh. now, onto the game! it's a game where I think they could experience a sense of betrayal from people whom they thought were they friends, a game that would make them look lame if they lose their cool, a game where everyone needs to carefully think, a game those our age are probably familiar with—

Werewolf and Citizens! *flashes a mischievous smile behind a curtain*

It didn’t surprise me that they haven’t heard of it, but I was touched for a second when I was explaining the rules, because woah, I am really going to be this one teacher they remember everytime they play this game throughout their life. That’s. so. cool. Haha

And y’all, the quarantine period was from morning until 2pm, and they played the game the ENTIRE time. Shdsjjdksd I wasn’t expecting that. And I felt bad to be That teacher that had to control their noises bc as you know, this game can get INTENSE.

but the unexpected comraderie I saw as they were playing it, the funny banter among them, the one two girls smiling sheepishly at the corner, the one boy who seems to be the hearthrob of this class, and me, looking at them.. had had me wishing I could be 17 again... *cooly wiped my fake tears in front of the whiteboard*

the quarantine room aka makmal sains