Faith Events: Dr Omar Suleiman

 a quick update!

i opened my instagram that day, after going back and forth installing and uninstalling it (that's how determined i was to get rid of social media, although now the determination is gone GONE lol) and there it was!! the announcement. or the poster, whatever, which i never even knew, trust me, it's the first time i learned about faith events, or that Omar Suleiman was here before.

took no time to ask around but since none of my friend was able to go, i went alone. well, not so alone with my Kindle! brought so many book characters with meeee. tbh that was the only chance i got to spare for reading pun, because gosh, if not for this chance, that Kindle was better... off without me. finished a book and a half though, and that's what i would call a weekend well-spent!

Dr Omar Suleiman? ah don't get me started! i stumbled upon his podcast when i was bored, idk, and i instantly got hooked on The Firsts Series by him on Spotify. go check them out! if you love Sirah as much as I do (i figured i love Sirah because i just love listening to stories, never fail to intrigue me!) you better check them out!

I could never really focus in such setting. until the day I attended this event. wrote a whole 20+ pages listening to him actively. and this came from someone who always fell asleep during agama class, dari sekolah rendah way to college, im not even kidding (well, not surprised because look at me *stares in the mirror up and down and shakes head in disappointment*) 

i went back that weekend with so many resolves but if they were a list, none of them is checked, yet lol btw he's such an excellent speaker i think it'd do good if everyone could listen to him. there are probably parts of what he said that i didn't instantly agree with, but that's for me to ponder upon because if there's one fact i know, it's him being way more knowledgeable than me, i don't even dare but im proud that im at least... thinking. the more i think, the more i trace how our faith should work and i pray nothing but the best for me in this regard. well, aren't we all?

i'll add the picturessss later when im free lol  

Hari Raya 2020

this post is overdue, I know. there is nothing much going around and my life, I must say, is boring in the extreme. but I can't bring myself whining about it either. I realize there are people outside who are tested greater and beyond what I am experiencing now. aaaaahhhh chop-chop! enough of the pep-talk, what is this post about again? Oh Hari Raya.

  Selamat Hari Raya!

It's the same for some of us right, given that our movement was restricted? like performing Eid Salaah in the loving company of our family members, the humble preparation for the morning, a little visit to our neighbor's house next door– just enough to remember what this celebration is for and continue harvesting good deeds after.

The solo photo-shoot was rather early this year. I like doing it in the evening better when the sun isn't that blinding like it was that morning. (but come on, I couldn't wait until evening. Changing my attire into shirt and pants was the only thing on my mind the entire morning– which couldn't be accomplished before because of the Raya visits) 

However, I must say I wasn't in disadvantage at all because the pictures came out really good! (puji diri sendiri) Thanks to the flaming and shimmering sun. and oh! oh! I wore eyeliner the first time too, did it myself but ofc, the camera didn't do any justice for that smh *disappointed emoji*

Here to some of my Raya pictures 2020!

LOL to the cringy pink collage :p

We also celebrated my niece 1st birthday with balloons and a cake on that day. It was a rewarding, happy day after all (especially after I changed into a comfortable outfit to relax and chill for the rest of the day. haha :p)

And then to the number of video calls from families and friends! Ugh, I can't express it in words how lucky we are to be in this virtual era of advanced technology- having 6 persons per video call? Impressive and so so much needed, especially in this critical time. After so much fuss and chaos (rolls eyes), I finally got a hold of my friends. We were so uncoordinated for a reason I couldn't figure! haha but it was gratifying to finally see them fit and fiddle, on screen! I caught up on a lot of things with my Irshad and IPBA bestfriends. (except Kakti, Alyn and Isma who legit were there for the ig-worthy screenshot hhh jk) 

My classmates and I also made a spin-off version of the tiktok rush challenge? (please, we are just novices) cuz everyone just did their own version, you can tell we are all amateurs. Below is my part,

(Yes, I only gave them the "after" vid LOL I tried)
special thank to Syida for the amazing edit and compilation hihi

Malam raya was also lively because of my nieces and nephew (oh, aunty miss you hadif and hafiy D:) Alang wasn't on the picture because it's his wife's turn this year, but he brought his family the night before. Bunga api is a tradition at this point haha I was so delighted to be a part of my nieces' early memories about how it is like celebrating Raya. The joy was, of course, unparalleled to what we had back on those days. therefore I found my heart broke a little for them. I know it wasn't as perfect but the night was definitely a merry night. After all, Raya isn't only about that either hihi and once again

Selamat Hari Raya semua! :D

Ramadhan + being the eldest

Ramadhan Mubarak!

Alhamdulillah, we are now entering our fifth Ramadhan and I hope everyone is in fine fettle! There are vast differences between Ramadhan previously, compared to this year, but again it's expected. I was looking forward to how it was going to be conducted, and I learn better how it differs for everyone now.

With that being said, if we are living fine, with affectionate parents, or if we get marvellous food served on the table on time without any distress or worry over it, or for even having a roof above us, please, please be grateful and if we really do feel thankful then it all goes back to how we perform dutifully in this blessed and holy month.

Some have to put up with abusive family, which might challenge their mental while fasting, and that alone should give us so much room to reflect upon. we are grateful NOT bc others have it worse, but because Allah is testing us, the same way He's testing them. It is to see how far, or to what degree we are ready to commit ourselves to Him, be it in any way– sedekah, reciting the Holy Quran and more and more!– to show our gratitude!

Secondly, for me, I have now instantly become the eldest in the family with two younger siblings, one a princess, the other a prince (rolleyes). Usually, I would have my two sisters to help with the chores but one is married and the other is away in Australia and I realized how pretty laid back I was when they were around. 

now I understand them so much lol u____u

However, I have to admit that I am having fun with this role, maybe because the sudden rise in the hierarchy makes me freer to do what I want, instead of being told/ordered to do what I'd initially wanted to do. The latter used to annoy me so much, haha but oh, I was just silly. so yeah, I am kind of footloose and fancy-free now except that my commitments are much bigger, especially in the kitchen.

For my Ramadhan goals, I have a lot, and Alhamdulillah I am progressing very well! It helps better if we write our small daily goals before we start our day (preferably before Subuh) so we don't lose our direction, bc you know, we tend to get swayed anyway into doing lagha stuff, haha so yep!! inshaAllah writing down the goals helps!

I pray everyone is progressing the same too! It is never too late as long as you are still alive and kicking! May the differences in this year's Ramadhan impact us deeper and immensely boost our Iman. 

InsyaAllah, at the end of the day, we'll see the hikmah behind everything.

InsyaAllah🤲🏻

#1Day1Kuliah

What's this #1Day1Kuliah about? Well you bet. Inspired by my parents, I think it's a chance for me, as well, to sit and listen to kuliah agama because I don't feel good letting this opportunity go– this precious time right now. My parents never miss the live kuliah by their favorite tok guru from the kuliah they attended before MCO. Therefore I think, why can't I do the same? So here's my first attempt to write what I have listened to! (I don't intend to write this everyday btw)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

#1Day1Kuliah - Mufti Menk (Stories of the Prophets, Prophet Sulayman A.S.)

Today, I listened to a podcast from our respectful Mufti Menk, and I was again, astonished and humbled. It’s been so long since I last listened to his podcast, and May Allah forgive me for the times I had taken for granted. 

First and foremost, I was attracted to listen to Prophet Sulayman’s story as I was reminded that the only thing I remember about him was that- he could talk to animals, or at least that’s what I remember telling my non-Muslim friend about. Coincidentally today, I was on Surah An-Naml (The Ant) which had further guided me to listen to the podcast!

In conclusion of the podcast I have listened to about Sulayman A.S., he, Sulayman A.S. had everything a mankind could ever ask for, aside from the famous “talking with animals” narration which was already great by itself. Other than that, you name it- he had a perfect attitude of a man and a king, he was given prophet-hood, he was presented with a mighty kingdom with huuuuge armies which include all different kind of creatures from human-kinds, animals, the jin-kinds, whom he had a full control over- whether to jail them, punish them or order them, and on top of all those amazing attributes, he was also given the power to control the wind that it was said he could send  someone to a place which journey would have taken a month, in just a single day by using a plank-- by controlling the wind.

(We probably can't relate to all of those mukjizat right? but remember, He is a Prophet!)

and he was also a JUST man, his armies highly respected him but were also frightened of him and his wisdom was beyond one could ever imagine! and Allah has described that even after ALL of those attributes,

"He, Sulayman A.S. is an excellent worshiper of ours."

Often we are given blessings, after some times of being grateful, Shaytan would trick us and take our Iman away so that we turn away from Him and become arrogant, condescending and haughty. BUT LOOK AT SULAYMAN A.S. MashaAllah, how could we not be humbled? I learned a lot about myself from this single podcast as I reflected my doings.

Honestly, sometimes, I feel great about myself which is not wrong though... 

(It's okay to feel great about yourself, not to the point of riak lah tapi)

but for me, bc it sometimes leads me to think that I have done enough, in a riak kind of way (syaitan lah ni!), this podcast made me realise that... it's really, really wrong of me to feel like that.....

Oh pls, nothing I do would ever be sufficient to what He gives me everyday, so idk what do I feel so great for, for the little amalan I did that I assumed was enough? I should have done moreeee! Therefore, this story humbles me to the core. obviously I am nothing compared to Nabi Sulayman but even so I would love to learn to be humble like him- who was given so many things and never forget to due them to Allah and an excellent worshipper on top of that! whom Allah loves soo much... I wanna be humble in a way that I want to avoid myself from getting complacent with my deeds.. InsyaAllah.

That’s only the gist of what I have listened to. The podcast actually described more of Surah An-Naml, ayah 15-44, from what Sulayman was blessed for, to how smart and wise his du’as are that made Him so loved by Allah, for he has everything yet never forget to due it to Him, down to how he worked with his armies to make Balqis worships Allah.

and by the end of the podcast, it reminds me that there is really NOTHING Allah cannot do, in fact, everything that happens, He knows, and by Him it happens. Kun! Fayakun. Therefore, always, always remember to turn to Him, be dependent on Him for He listens, He plans.

Links: Spotify, Youtube

Surah An-Naml

Seeing Good in People

So I was sitting at the back of the car when I thought .. fuh I am such a horrible person. Here let met me tell you what I did.

Few days back, I (maybe) had little conflicts with some people (or maybe myself) and instead of choosing to be rational and quiet, I battled with myself and told my roommate about the conflicts I was facing. and ofc, my view was bias, now that I think of it, bc I was more to defending myself than actually explaining what happened. I was only based on my hateful feeling and I realized I pointed fingers to others more than reflecting myself. I had this thought at the back of my mind that moment,

'...ah enough of being kind..' so I told everything to my roommate, my dissatisfaction, their faults and more.

now back to me at the back of the car looking far into the jammed road full of Mercedes and BMWs when I finally realized that ...wow I am horrible.

I really shouldn't have done that.

One thing that I always pray to God is to always let me see kindness in people no matter how bad, or how much I dislike them, and God grants me just That.

Just right after that happened, I see more and more reasons to actually appreciate them, even though I dislike them in certain ways, but there are more cases where I am fond of them. and out of sudden, the words I had told my roommate echoed in my head, and I felt so embarrassed, to Him, and to myself.

One lesson I got from this is to always keep our mouth shut, especially when it's on the verge of bursting curse words, hateful remarks or worst, bringing up the kindness we did to someone, just bc we didn't feel appreciated enough. be earnest, and sincere. be kind, and loving. Istighfar when we accidentally cross the line. Trust me, you don't wanna lose your points!

Count Your Blessings

I am overwhelmed with the blessings I have in life right now. people say, count your blessings, and that's what i actually do, looking pass every bad encounters to just embrace the blessings showered upon me. so what if I feel like life is unfair to me about certain things? there are so much more to see (and count) other than just isolating myself in a shell of ungratefulness, uncertainties, anxieties and sadness.

Before, I had reached one point where I had no feeling to repress at all, my communication wall was blank. I really wouldn't have noticed it this sooner if my roommate didn't show her concerns. I wasn't depressed? (at least that's what I think) because if I were to be honest, it's all Science, like I am sure you have heard about hormonal changes? well? 

However, I knew that wasn't me, my hormones have been with me for so many years, they would never do me dirty like that (drama sangat!) so I kept praying and praying that May Allah guide me through, it was suffocating, I hated it.

and that's how it happened- I started seeing layers and layers of blessings I should have counted from the very beginning.

be it me myself, my family, my friends, the condition I am in. for I realise when I started to count, I turn more to Him to express my gratitude and gratefulness, and indeed, as He promises, 

"If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]" 14:7

He did, in a way that I see more and more about my life. I wouldn't dare saying that I would never fall into this shithole again, of feeling uncertainties and sadness, but at least now I know how to count my blessings.

After all, we are all humans He created, so we are gonna have all sorts of feelings- happiness, madness, anger, annoyed, sad, lonely ..all. He knows, that is why, to Him we should turn for the remedies, giving us more in return in ways we could never imagine. Trust me, everything will start to fall into its place once you count your blessings and be grateful to Him. As easy as saying Alhamdulillah!

The Ultimate 10

the ultimate last 10!!!!! days!!!! of Ramadhan!!!! (although we are left with just 6 nowㅎ) For ramadhan, I always strive to make the most out of it so I could brag about it to myself, for the past years. I mean, I want to proudly say to one-year-ago me that I manage my deeds better this year. Honestly there's nothing more meaningful than to beat your own self in records, deeds and achievements. but sometimes, (I mean most of the times) I lay back too much too.. but hey! that's when I get to be in my reflective mode and start to fight again!!! I guess being away from home (home is a distraction in disguise) and around friends of the same goals for Ramadhan really posed an advantage for me. Alhamdulillah sangat-sangat. If I were alone, I could have not done better. but I wish I could tell myself that it's fine to be alone too bc that way, I can be the influencer, the starter. ha... and now back to me when I arrived home. I had my period as soon as I reached here and ya Allah, I was so ashamed of myself, probably still is. After all the favors He had showered upon me, His Mercy that He never fails to prove me.. idk man. BUT for He is The Most Forgiving, The Exceedingly Beneficent.. remember, He'll always be there to forgive us.. repentance is literally the only thing we need. Imagine committing sins worth a mountain but all those are ceased to nothing just by laying your head down on the prayer mat, reflecting. Oh You, indeed is The Most Merciful. Seek for it while we are still given the chance- this life. Now fast-forward to the start of last 10 days of Ramadhan. Alhamdulillah. This blog was meant to be just for myself but since I have like 4 readers now (lol) I'll just let you know that Ramadhan this year could totally pass as a mentor to my next one, at least in few aspects because I know I am still lacking in lots of things... I swear. But anyway, I still feel so so blessed that I am given such invitation from Him in terms of health and will to perform the best I could in this Holy Month. Greatly thanks to my parents and SFS Home isn't a place of distraction after all! I can't already wait for next Ramadhan already Ah.. how fun Ramadhan is (and other months too) when you can practice ﻓَﺎﺳْﺘَﺒِﻘُﻮﺍْ ﺍﻟْﺨَﻴْﺮَﺍﺕِ. Be competitive in doing good deeds, not only with others, but also within ourselves! It's never too late as long as we are still breathing just fine. Do anything we could to give our best! Often we seek for excellence in duniawi, sometimes we forget that there's another place for us to work on- akhirah! and That dear self, serves as a reminder to me too, most importantly. With that, thank you!