Letters for Me

I never thought I would do this letter thing, bc I wanted to keep it until my last day. but Oh god wouldn't I love this cheesy part (rolleyes) so yeah I did it, but this time around I told them I don't want sweet messages. Their letter should be anonymous, and they can complain about me if they want.

On God, I stressed many times to them to insult me if they want, or if they don't like my teaching, or if they found my class boring.

I forgot they were just kids, I guess they would be too innocent for that...

So.. sweet messages we go.

I read them in the car bc I couldn't wait (quickly regretted it, I forgot I tend to get dizzy reading in the car) but what else should I do? skip their letters? no lol I enjoyed their grammar errors...

In conclusion from what I read,

KIDS.

ARE.

SO.

CUTE.

I SQUEALED.

They boosted my confidence, changed the way I walk and talk (like tiberrr today I put an accent in class when I talked), enhanced my vocal, cleared my skin and improved my grades. I feel like these letters are EVERYTHING. IDK if you could see how sentimental these letters would be for me..

but in 10 years, one day, as I would be searching for my husband's tools to repair the bulb (honestly do we need TOOLS to repair a bulb? IDK), he would come and say "Sayang, isn't this yours.." and I would be amused, bc there is this little box, carrying all the letters.

I WOULD. CRY. So Badly. 

(not bc of the letters but, oh my God, my husband called me sayang?) hahahaha ok jokes aside, I would kneel down and read them back one by one as tears would roll down my cheeks..... and my husband would cry along too bc he couldn't see me sad!!! (..nyempat)

but you get the gist.

I would be so sad... I've grown so fond of them, imagine NOT waking up to go to their class but to IPBA.... oh my my..

Here are most of the letters (if there are more, I would update them) they are so sweet aren't they? (pleading-eyes emoji)

I don't deserve them, cries.

My EXO's Lightstick!

It's always an exciting piece of writing when I type down about the thing that I like and isn't it clear by now what or who I like???? I mean.. remember EXO?? ..is it familiar now?

It's a well-known analogy among my close friends that if EXO ever asked me to buy a whole damn closet full of their merchandises, I would (luckily they don't or it means we going starving lol.)

I had been waiting for their company, (let's call it capitalistking) to restock exo's lightsticks  (ttoridibong) because they were out of order for a year? and I was so desperate I even had to borrow my friend's when I went to their concert last year. that was why I dropped everything when capitalistking announced they were opening a pre-order for a new version of ttoridibong and I didn't even give it a second thought to purchase it.

Like it's so ridiculous how I often take at least a day to decide where I am going to eat, but there I was that day - a changed person.

Things exo gets me to do still amazes me.

Last Saturday, I went to pick up ttoridibong and here's a funny TMI that day.

I wore my make up, picked a new shirt, and actually cared about how I looked, like I was going for a blind date when really, it was just a 2-seconds meet-up to take my ttoridibong lmaoo (girl really thought she did something.) It was the shortest hour I'd ever been outside bc I went back just right after I looked for triple A batteries for my new baby. I remember clearly I was walking with this idiot smile on my face and anyone who noticed me would think I was in love. hahaha I wouldn't deny that.

It took me a whole hour to process everything and like actually, CARED for ttoridibong like my own baby (it is my baby!) and omg it's so pretty, we had a fun photoshoot at every angle possible bc it is That charming! worth every penny I had spent haha. The unboxing session was even more fun. My roommates weren't home so I had a blast recording myself like I was this huge superstar on Youtube haha.

Here is one of my favourite photos I had taken of ttoridibong (it is its ACTUAL name, given by our fandom. yes Alyn, stop laughing.)

oh my, flawless!

Seeing Good in People

So I was sitting at the back of the car when I thought .. fuh I am such a horrible person. Here let met me tell you what I did.

Few days back, I (maybe) had little conflicts with some people (or maybe myself) and instead of choosing to be rational and quiet, I battled with myself and told my roommate about the conflicts I was facing. and ofc, my view was bias, now that I think of it, bc I was more to defending myself than actually explaining what happened. I was only based on my hateful feeling and I realized I pointed fingers to others more than reflecting myself. I had this thought at the back of my mind that moment,

'...ah enough of being kind..' so I told everything to my roommate, my dissatisfaction, their faults and more.

now back to me at the back of the car looking far into the jammed road full of Mercedes and BMWs when I finally realized that ...wow I am horrible.

I really shouldn't have done that.

One thing that I always pray to God is to always let me see kindness in people no matter how bad, or how much I dislike them, and God grants me just That.

Just right after that happened, I see more and more reasons to actually appreciate them, even though I dislike them in certain ways, but there are more cases where I am fond of them. and out of sudden, the words I had told my roommate echoed in my head, and I felt so embarrassed, to Him, and to myself.

One lesson I got from this is to always keep our mouth shut, especially when it's on the verge of bursting curse words, hateful remarks or worst, bringing up the kindness we did to someone, just bc we didn't feel appreciated enough. be earnest, and sincere. be kind, and loving. Istighfar when we accidentally cross the line. Trust me, you don't wanna lose your points!

Good Morning, Miss.

tomorrow will mark the fourth week of me putting on my stilettos, trying to look taller than all the kids in the school. I don't know if it's too early to say that I really like to be around the school again, except now with different goals, agendas and mission.

A trainee-teacher.

whom kids would either respect, or be looking away out of disgust. Ok I exaggerated a bit about the latter one, kids are too innocent to even know what they are doing- which falls back upon me, and the other teachers to educate them with a spice of passion. ewah.

I've had this at the back of my mind before, about kids nowadays have changed. Indeed, I do see it, but one thing is that, they are really just- kids. In my humble opinion, the parents are mostly the root of the problems we see today especially of this era of materialism. like hello? some parents don't even know how to treat their kids properly at home that they try to put everything on the school to treat them better. idk but that's how 21-year-old me think.

but honestly, that should be the least matter I should be worried about, because I am more compassionate to teach the kids over their parents... the latter are grown-ups, they should be able to teach themselves.

of their "good morning miss" at school, and their other simple greetings, their happy (or bored) faces when I teach, or when they are doing their work, of the stars I have rewarded them that have lit up their faces, of their eagerness to answer the questions I throw, and more and more, I know this is the road I am excited to walk on, which I hope someday would open abundance of opportunities for me to expand myself to being a good teacher. Aamiin.

Really, who would have thought I would fall this soft for the kids... I hope this would last, for each and everyone of them. May He always store in me the biggest patience and perseverance, and elevate my rank to be in those who do their work earnestly! Aamiin!