am I THE Picasso Jr?

One day when I tried to draw on the whiteboard, I heard one student shouting "Miss, what's that?" to which I replied "Oh you wait. I haven't finished, you gotta guess later" and I continued gliding my hands on the whiteboard, drawing, like the Picasso I thought I was.

10 seconds... 20 seconds... 30 seconds... two minutes.....

tada! 

"Now can you guess?" I asked proudly. 

I felt that that was an excellent piece of work for someone who can't draw— Picasso Jr. hihi. so I turned around and waited patiently as they squirmed their eyes trying to match my drawing to the words registered in their head.

"Ruler!" I smirked. Correct.

"Table!" I clapped. Correct.

and so on.. and so on...

until they went...

"Miss," they laughed sneakily and continued, "what's that?" pointing at the bag I drew. "It's.." and then I thought... 'isn't it THEIR job to guess?' so I went "Well, YOU guess?

...but they seemed genuinely didn't know that I had to reanalyze my drawing because... they cannot Not know a bag...? Okay, alright, maybe it's my drawing. Sorry kids, I am only a Picasso Junior after all.

and so I broke it to them, "It's a bag", and some of them were nice they went "Oh!" but some of them were not-so-nice they squirmed their eyes again trying to scan that One drawing of mine that I had to even explain "Can't you see? This is the strap.... this is the pocket.." 

and that's how my English classroom turns into an anatomy class of ..a bag. 

Picasso Jr. my ass.

Do I like being alone? Yes, No?

 Alright. Where do I start explaining things so you guys won't get me wrong or think that I am difficult or just fussy and annoying. 

*deep breath and crack knuckles*

When I was in college, I remember writing here to tell you guys that I learned liking to be alone, doing things alone and when I moved out (temporarily) from my parents', I thought whoa, this time is finally it (after all the 'adjusting' 'homesick' drama ofc)

UNTIL...

...NOW that I AM actually alone.

Alright don't call me annoying yet, hear me out.

I... perhaps only like being alone WITH the presence of someone else that I can freely talk to/annoy when I feel bored (...Oh God, that makes me sound like a jerk who treats people like they are an entertainment but no. Let me try and word it right)

—I perhaps only like being alone WITH the presence of someone else whom I can freely talk to/annoy. titik. (is it better now? lol)

Ok the point is, I can't be alone ALONE. I need someone else beside me. because it feels too quiet at times that I feel like running home and honestly Mak Abah would've approved it if I told them I ran home because there were some ghosts around. but no. It's only because there is no one around to make (bearable) noises.

It's worse when I am on my period and feel lazier (than I already am lol) bc I don't even wanna try to busy myself to keep my mind out from those thoughts. Interestingly, I am okay at night when Gee and the rest are around. so that's when I came into such conclusion— that I can't be alone ALONE.

It was only this morning I felt like crying but girl was even lazy to cry that I chose to hold it in so that's when I asked myself... didn't I like being alone? no..no..no. wrong. wrong. I don't like being alone ALONE. you get what I mean? T__________T 

and it's fascinating when I know that there's someone else who is in the same shoes as me as soon as I tweeted about it. now I am not so alone anymore, am I? lol

What a complicated person you are, Hasanah. Go to sleep, really.

Twist, Symbolisms, Setting

I know I've told this many times but Alyn was genuinely the one person I remember wanting to be friend with when we were both 10 years old, for just because. it was, as far as I can remember, the first time I ever made an effort to be someone's friend. nevermind her reply that was kinda boastful and childish to my effort(?), .(..yep i remember them all) I still... idk.. I just want this gurl to be MY friend. but then we parted ways without even properly knowing each other.....

...and boom! 3 years later, there she was standing in front of 1IK. and ofc I recognized her instantly! the first sentence I spoke was "hampa Azlyn kan?" oh.. God's planning.

now she's just ...straight up annoying. 

pls I love recalling such memory because I AM dramatic and this story kinda fits all the drama elements I'd learned. the twist, the symbolisms, the setting. 

oh I remember how I formed my friendship with sfs and gals too, the du'a I prayed, the friends I got. these are the memories of people other than my family that I hope I won't forget. thus, the recalling. and for another phase of my life now- gee. it's just that …I haven't made an effort to type out the words which I swear are in my mind already.

the classic selfie. LOL

We had covid.

it's about time man.

so this was three? weeks ago when I went home for holidays and all of my fam members contracted this virus as soon as we got back from eating at Halab. At that point, we didn't care where and from whom we got it from because our whole kampung was down with it anyway so like I said, it was about time. Was I worried? Definitely. especially for my elderly parents. did I see it coming? Yes and No because we did try our best to protect ourselves too, but God had said "Kun"— be and it is. 

Mak was the first one to get infected and when she was down with it, none of us had symptoms or were positive. It was heartbreaking to us because we had to submit Mak to the hospital as her low oxygen level was worrying. (Thanks to my quick effort to go buy the oximeter as soon as we confirmed her case, yep! defo need that credit!) and so my holidays went by without my mom except for the first and the last few days of the holidays (it's a three-week holidays) 

and two days after Mak got admitted, everyone in the family was infected. what a chain. I took Panadol every 6 hours for two-three days and I became better Alhamdulillah. and I had fun supervising Abah because our friendly banter of me forcing him to take his meds was really hilarious (sometimes. well, until I got serious to counter him as he's always being playfully stubborn)

While I don't want to go through that again, I would say it was a healing experience for me, to remember Him, to remain steadfast in my faith and to grow even closer to my family through ibadah means. All we did was praying, connecting to each other for Mak.

when Mak came back, I was so happy, so grateful, so relieved. Many scenarios were in my mind when we were sending her off to the hospital but oh, God, thank you so much for choosing the best one to come true. Alhamdulillah.

and now Gee is quarantine-ing herself in the room as we speak. Do pray for her.