Ramadhan + being the eldest

Ramadhan Mubarak!

Alhamdulillah, we are now entering our fifth Ramadhan and I hope everyone is in fine fettle! There are vast differences between Ramadhan previously, compared to this year, but again it's expected. I was looking forward to how it was going to be conducted, and I learn better how it differs for everyone now.

With that being said, if we are living fine, with affectionate parents, or if we get marvellous food served on the table on time without any distress or worry over it, or for even having a roof above us, please, please be grateful and if we really do feel thankful then it all goes back to how we perform dutifully in this blessed and holy month.

Some have to put up with abusive family, which might challenge their mental while fasting, and that alone should give us so much room to reflect upon. we are grateful NOT bc others have it worse, but because Allah is testing us, the same way He's testing them. It is to see how far, or to what degree we are ready to commit ourselves to Him, be it in any way– sedekah, reciting the Holy Quran and more and more!– to show our gratitude!

Secondly, for me, I have now instantly become the eldest in the family with two younger siblings, one a princess, the other a prince (rolleyes). Usually, I would have my two sisters to help with the chores but one is married and the other is away in Australia and I realized how pretty laid back I was when they were around. 

now I understand them so much lol u____u

However, I have to admit that I am having fun with this role, maybe because the sudden rise in the hierarchy makes me freer to do what I want, instead of being told/ordered to do what I'd initially wanted to do. The latter used to annoy me so much, haha but oh, I was just silly. so yeah, I am kind of footloose and fancy-free now except that my commitments are much bigger, especially in the kitchen.

For my Ramadhan goals, I have a lot, and Alhamdulillah I am progressing very well! It helps better if we write our small daily goals before we start our day (preferably before Subuh) so we don't lose our direction, bc you know, we tend to get swayed anyway into doing lagha stuff, haha so yep!! inshaAllah writing down the goals helps!

I pray everyone is progressing the same too! It is never too late as long as you are still alive and kicking! May the differences in this year's Ramadhan impact us deeper and immensely boost our Iman. 

InsyaAllah, at the end of the day, we'll see the hikmah behind everything.

InsyaAllah🤲🏻

My New Favorite Pastime Now

Have you discovered your new favorite pastime during MCO? I think everyone can at least list one thing we discovered about ourselves, because it's like that to me!

I just knew that I loveeee being inside the pondok, as we call it, and mind my own business alone. It's too warm in the house nowadays. I always wake up in the morning covered in sweat. Don't we all? but that's not my point today.

The message I wanna get across today is, should I feel cold or convenient inside the house, I wouldn't learn how more serene it is outside. It took me a swift second to totally fall in love with the vibe as it's incredibly quiet too. As the MCO is extended, there are less cars on the road, leaving me with only the sound of cicadas, the chattering of the squirrels and the chirping of the birds, which have made me feel so calm and harmonious.

Now my routine is just about the same, to reside here under this old hut after Zuhur,  Asar, Maghrib, and today, right after I performed my Subuh. Dragged my blanket and locked myself outside of the house to read and continue my catnap. and again, I can't describe the tranquility of that moment, being watched by the small cute crescent moon, breathing the scent of the morning air.... phew. 100% would do it again.

Such little thing kan? Not like I'd never spent my time here, but it felt waaaay different, and better? Maybe because I have started to be concerned over how my future me would look back at this day, at me, of what I did, so there would be no regret, only an acknowledgement and appreciation to the time spent brilliantly. There are more in fact, but let's just save that for my future me to see!

Special thanks to Mak and Abah too sebab selalu teman :D we usually hang out together lepas kerja and sembahyang! and below are the pictures I'd taken this morning and evening. (sebab cantik hihi)

                           
                                             
The moon! geram.

What Writing a Research Proposal Feel Like to Me

hahahahahahahahahahah
hahahahaha
haha ha
ha ha (gelak nervous)

After a few weeks of keeping my nose to the grindstone, battling and smashing the keyboard to finish my research proposal, I am very happy to say that I get to live to see another day. I don't think people have an idea about how exhausting the life of uni students are right now and sadly I am no exception, except that I am from IPG and we probably have it worse. 

Ever since online classes started, there is an abundance of tutorials to do INDIVIDUALLY and to top all of that, we have to complete our assignment too, which sounds normal? ugh come on? everyone in uni does that.

until... it was time for me to work on my research proposal.

I might be exaggerating saying that it has damaged me a lot? but yeah I guess it's fine to sup coffee day and night, and let that caffeine drove my anxiety up hill, messing with my sleeping pattern and my relationship with my family. yep. no big deal. except that it made me feel stressful. extra stressful.

no cafe hopping to de-stress, no taking the lrt to admire the busy cities, no meeting up with friends, and it made me realize how much I have taken the simplest thing in my life, for granted. who would have imagined that we are gonna get confined in our house this long for a life-threatening reason?

so yeah, in a way it stresses me, it also teaches me something– to not take things for granted again. now is the time to reach out to our friends in need, to look around and care for people, to help and lift each other up.. and increase our amalan! our solah, our Quran recitation. now! is! the! time! it's cliche to say all of this you know, but I am glad I get to see it from such a view. I hope the same for all of you too. Come on, we can do this. (Now that I've completed my research proposal, I think I can do EVERYTHING muahahaha)

I hope to spend more time with my family, do all the above and of course, to leisurely lay down in front of the tv all day, too. Oh, I love the tv. and movies. and here's a picture of my humble and messy desk (which has no role at all in this narrative but I guess you might wanna see where I spent most of my day? ..no? haha)

#NP My Love - Baekhyun