Back to 2012

2012 is not a year that I am proud of. There were a lot of things I wished I could have done differently but in terms of friends I made and kept, they are undoubtedly the sweetest ones I will never forget.  

It takes a lot to still have the same people from your old young days around you as you grow up because it means that they have to accept "the you" then who might be immature, puerile, childish and silly compared to "the you" now. Therefore I am beyond joyful that my old friends could make it to today's hangout like we were back to our most raw and simple state, 2012 hahaha

This too we had dawdled a lot to finally agree on the same day. (adult-ing is sure a hassle huh) but inviting pikah along was handled like a pro– just a brief ask and... ting! she "SURE"-d me. We were close friends for 2 years until she transferred to another school, but ofc we kept in contact! I LOVE her, the same way I love Pokni (Idzni) and Alyn. Heck, we even had a name for our group back then.. called.. POPAPIYN. (can you tell how it was made? haha)

Today we talked and talked and talked some more, and ate and talked again.... and I am NOT complaining! I missed them so much, I mean they probably didn't think so though (because then it wouldn't have taken us few years long to properly meet again, especially with Pikah) but hello I am a busy person! To step out of the house willingly... it took a lot! haha.

We had breakfast-slash-lunch at BoatNoodle (satisfying Alyn's craving), sat at Baskin Robbins for dessert and had cups of Boost Juice as our sort of "energy drink" lmao (because lbr, to talk energetically throughout the day needs a boost, you get it?)

We made chaos, we laughed deliriously, we made fun of all our silly mistakes in the past, totally acted like we were 14.... haih love to spend time like this.... this friendship is wonderful. We might have lost a lot of years together, but I think we definitely had compensated everything today! (no, not enough.  we should get together like this again next time for that!!!) 

Lastly, I am grateful to see them grow the way they are now. we have come so far and I pray that goodness, health, wisdom, wealth, success, kindness and honor are wrapped around us all year long as we enter 2021! Here are some pictures of us then and now haha

                                        

Camping @ Escape, Penang for 2D1N

I don't plan to write a long post about this one. One of us mentioned about camping and I gladly took the wheel to buy the tickets. That's all to it. 

JK.

tbh to pin down everyone to agree on the same date was a BIG hassle. and after a long fight and drama, we finally compromised to go on Friday. I'd had enough of the fight that I quickly just bought the tickets before everyone changed their minds again. 

The ticket was fairly reasonable especially for two-days admission! The basic fee is RM255/person but we added another RM60 in the e-wallet (to buy the food (yahudi price tbh) and to rent the burkini) so the total payment I made via the website was RM275/person overall. They will refund your e-wallet money if you end up not buying anything so no worries! Oh, you can visit/buy the ticket from the website here —> https://www.escape.my/ 

now,

IT WAS SOOOOOO WORTH IT.

and why do I say so?

First, a super duper clean shower and toilet. (and I would give 5 stars for that alone)

Second, the activities!!!!!!!! We tried every single thing (not including the toughness levels, of course) Actually, you name it- 

swinging in the sky on a mega swing? checked.

zipping across the lines high above the ground? checked.

sliding on the longest water slide in the world? checked.

literally jumping from a tallll building to reach the ground? checked.

racing on a water slide towards the pool? checked.

checked. checked. checked. checked.

There are more than 25 adventure/water/gravity plays, you just have to be brave enough (and fit lol) to try them all. Luckily we bought two-day admission ticket (basecamp) so we worried less about not finishing the plays on the first day! We even tried some of the plays for more than two times hahaha cuz we are energetic kids like that. ya.

We then had a BBQ at night- this you can pay with the e-wallet (I think) so the choice they gave us was... free choice. We chose the budget, we named the food we wanted to eat then they bought the raw food and cooked them for us in front of our very own tent! (the best part tbh) 

The staffs were soooo friendly and hospitable!!! they were more like friends than staffs weh. (If you go there, Ali, Julkifli are famous!) and because we were the first basecamp customers after a long time, we felt really special (I am actually laughing while typing this bc I got reminded of them! haha)

The tents had their very own air mattress too (incredible me think?) At night, Alyn, Isma, Liyana and I killed our time by chilling at the table in our basecamp to reminisce our Irshad days before we packed things to sleep. It was personally the point of camping for me, especially when you go with your friends. A campfire-like activity gitu! ahaks.

Oh, we had roti canai outside for breakfast the next day (2-mins drive away) 

In short, I would recommend everyone to go and experience the activities here! Go with your family or friends or foes, and you shall enjoy them to the fullest! I made such special memories here with my friends (talking anime with Liyana on the longest water slide in the world was the greatest part of them all ehek, and then about our Irshad days, our laughs, our hysterical screams!!! hahahahaha)

For most plays, we didn't bring our phones so excuse us for the messy and little number of photos :P

Bye. I need a proper rest, my body is aching all over I can't even walk properly now😭😭

Deeparayear.

Deepavali+Raya+Chinese New Year = Deeparayear! Cool tak? haha

I remember the same night I laid down on the floor staring at the ceiling waiting for Subuh and I told myself "I can't wait to blog about this party" while smiling like an idiot ..and now that I am actually here...... can the letters type themselves? v.v

preparing for a party is always lively. honestly, what's better than gathering around, roasting your friends, acting like savages WHILE doing your work? tell me. and the food department did a great job frankly! dumplings, vaddai, ladu, apam, our special teh tarik exclusively brewed by Linggesh (cewah) AND more. for me, a party with good food should be done everyday. *pans towards the camera* seriously. 

After embarrassing ourselves in the sudden ad-hoc meeting attended by all students wearing simple, cozy clothes instead of sarees, kebayas, punjabis and cheongsam.. the party began!

We took some pictures, went down to enjoy the live basking, ate, take pictures some more, ate again, aaaand to the grand finale - games! (Kama and I were in this department, we prepared them)

What are games without the loud screaming and yelling, right? We saw it coming honestly - getting shut by the warden I mean. yeah yeah. whatever. Imagine playing charades, stick and stand and musical chairs without screaming. luckily we were almost finishing when the warden warned us *shrugs*

Oh, did I say anything about a quiet game like Mafia game? We played this. I frankly thought it would be boring, but hell... we enjoyed it until 5 in the morning y'all. 

It got so intense I thought the friendship would be over by the time we wrap up the party haha every round you either get painted in a corner or you win. the analysis- I forgot my friends are actually geniuses. As a fully-certified ghost (or bystanders) for more than 3 times, I was impressed! I also wanted to curse so badly. I am sure the other ghosts would relate to that as well. To see my friends' happy faces when they were clearly high and sleepy was entertaining tbh haha and the Muslims just straight away slept after Subuh that night. phew. at least we got to sleep!

...only to wake up the next morning with an announcement that all students are compulsory to go home because of the pkpkpkp. perfect ending me think.

Girls-Only Party!

decided to have a party on a whim when we were having lunch on our first day of cmco. like one second we were eating and the next second we were already planning how to carry out a party without getting caught. and we are so lucky as out of the whole people in this block, we are the only ones left here ...that's why we thought- why not!

and then there goes our preparation! we divided our tasks- from food to decoration to technical support to video maker to creating our own invitation card and poster! we were so involved and indulged in doing the tasks, I forgot when was the last time we had this much fun. haha.

AND the night was epic and crazy! I LOVE how we dolled ourselves to the max to match the event. so so proud of my girls for making this party a success! Special thanks to Kakti for doing everyone's make-up! and Loshini... gosh, I think she mistook her choice to become a teacher instead of a make-up artist.

of how the warden warned us for being too loud, to stopping the music and ran in panic bc we thought there was someone knocking on the door, of the fun games we played together, of chicken popcorns, cokes, wedges, cute brownies, sandwiches, fried chickens, the fairy lights we hanged and the grand songs we picked. just 13 young people vibing with the music, feasting, dancing and laughing. How do I tell my friends that I want this event every weekend guys? 

we even had a montage video specially made by hajar. and gosh old videos and photos of us were in the montage, i felt overwhelmed- embarrassed, sad, touched and happy all at once. prop to hajar! *clink glasses* the karaoke session too, phew! talent!

definitely the one night that I won't forget.

yes.

I felt... stupid?

I am not stupid. I am THE teacher.  I am not stupid. I am THE teacher.  I am not stupid. I am THE teacher. *chants this endlessly*

Ok, the class now is tad different from my previous school. The kids are advanced.. at least that's what I thought. Therefore I got all anxious and nervous by myself teaching them. I mean, I was not wrong to feel that. You see, I love when kids ask questions. for example when my nephew asks things like 

"Macam mana burung boleh terbang?"
"Sebab burung ada sayap"

"Kenapa burung ada sayap?"

 .......yes okay. listen hadif.. *opens the book of 100 white lies you can tell your nephew*

However this time I can't really lie. I am the teacher. (I mean trainee teacher. but the kids don't know that) and so you are expected to know mooore than Google. I mean awh, I am flattered but I am not that smart, darling. 

I don't hate it, come on! I told you I LOVE when kids ask questions. Whatever the questions may be- stupid, nonsense, academical. It's just that I was toooo anxious that sometimes when I got asked out of nowhere, I would doubt my answer and prefer to "Ok let me Google" to make sure my answer is correct. Most of the time it is. see where the issue lies? my confidence.

"Why is Port Dickson called Port Dickson, Miss?" ugh. I think it's the name of the.. but WAIT. what does that have to do with my lesson now?!?! *cekak pinggang*

Haih kids.

Oh but now I think I have gained my confidence back seeing their workbook. I mean *evil laugh* dear dear, you have a lot to learn, like me! anyway they are at least advanced speaker so my instructions always get through easily and that is truly something I am grateful for! 

so yep,

I shall not be stupid. I am the teacher. 

Adjusting Life

two words - NAK NANGIS.

the end.

that's what I actually felt the first five days I was here.. weird sangat, macam tak boleh nak adjust dah duduk sini. I feel defeated tbh bc gosh I can't believe I am 22 and still act like that huhu therefore, I stopped acting tough and just cried my heart out. like a kid I am.

and I felt sooo relieved after that, and... I finally feel adjusted.

Apart from the fact that I am going to shoulder bigger responsibilities now, I am beyond delighted that I finally met my friends!! my happy!! pills!!! 

pastu apa lagi ek...

oh, school is fun too. I haven't known the kids long enough to talk about them but I hope they are at least adorable and not just ..plain evil. please.

Kakti is still in a happy relationship. I am happy for her.

Kama is still ...a crack. I laugh at every thing she does, the same way she does to me. two idiots, we are.

Hajar.. oh, sorry, including her.. three idiots. 

Syaza.. she's still purring. glad the purr did not change into a roar now. basically, she's the same.

Mira.... just as assertive as she is, with Lai clinging along. What a sight. 

Kak Maine.. now now.. wow. can't tell much, it's a secret but I looove her help. definitely one that makes me feel at home. 

don't wanna part with them, but I absolutely can't wait to graduate. less than a year left! we can do this girls!

Haikyuu, Daiya and Naruto

idk exactly what I want to write here... but I have a lot to tell you about some anime I have watched and fallen in love with, so bear with me!

First and foremost, Haikyuu.

I think everyone knows this series by heart... or no lol. or at least you have heard someone talking about it once. therefore, you cannot. not. watch it. It was like that to me. I was only gonna check out why everyone loves it, and LOL I was hooked on the very first episode. and I did NOT expect that.

I think the spurt of adrenaline that comes gushing out every time you watch the match is what is fun about anime sport. By now, it's been months since I last finished the anime, so my memory is trampled a bit about the characters but  I remember clearly how I adore Hinata– 

his determination and perseverance!

His persistence in seeking new skills without the need of being insecure or having a big-fat pride is what made me realize how there's never a shortcut to success! You just need to focus on working hard!

and the series is hilarious too. You will 100% enjoy the goofy pair, Tanaka and Nishinoya who share the same one brain cell. I don't even have to mention the awkward Kageyama and his impressive character development. I don't regret watching this series at all!

Next one, Diamond no Ace! *SCREAMS*

I watched this series to fill the void in my heart finishing Haikyu tbh. I have a few on my list, but I was quickly attracted to this series as it involves baseball! A sport that is very familiar to me because I played softball since I was 10.

and ugh, even now I haven't completely moved on from it!

All the terms I have come across with in this series made me feel so excited! It brings back sweet memories. and that's not all!!!!! The plot was astonishingly written, you can watch the rise and the downfall of the main character, grow up with him and the whole team, feel the way they feel when they win and lose.. ugh.. 

and ofc you cannot Not admire the MC, Eijun but if I have to pick the coolest character whom I enjoy his presence every time I watch this series.. it would be.... *drum rolls* Miyuki Kazuya!!!!! 

Gosh?! You would deeply feel me when you watch the show (thank me later ladies) he's effortlessly full of charisma especially in his catcher suit! and his analyzing skill about the pitcher and the game is extraordinary! (I mean, he's the best catcher kot..)

Through him I realized there are so much more about a catcher than what I used to think of. It's embarrassing to say my position was a catcher lol I super love his brutal honesty, his lack of energy to show off, his calm posture... all of these had made me wished he was real u.u 

and the last one.... Naruto. (p/s: SPOILER ALERT)

Do I even have to tell you guys?

THE WHOLE SERIES IS SPLENDID.

there are indeed some parts I wish could be improved BUT THANK YOU FOR NARUTO.

I have grown so attached to the characters.....

idk how the earlier fans who watched it throughout the years endure this bc I binge-watched everything and I still can't properly move on.

oh talking about depressing.. the whole series is so frickin sad. everyone dies. 

ok jk. 

(but for me if more than two people die then EVERYONE DIES. ksdbsdnsdTT______________TT)

The edo tensei jutsu orochimaru did was so.... cruel.. like... who the heck would pay to watch ino-shika-cho defeating their dead sensei without crying?!?!  I WAS MAD (no complain btw)

When Pain attacked Konoha and Naruto came back only to realize he no longer could sense Kakashi's chakra... I literally had to shut down my laptop to cry. the impact was so big. ugh nevermind. There was a part when the ten tails struck out the communication center.. that was so painful too, I had to remind myself that I need to breathe properly.

I actually cried a lot more than you can imagine *stares into distance*

in conclusion, naruto is splendid. and at the same time very bad for my emotional being. haha

all of this.. and they are not real in the end. double depressing :)

bye nak nanges.

Hiking in Teluk Bahang, Penang

This post is long overdue. I wanted to write the night we came back tbh but I was too occupied with the guests in my house (my IPBA bestest friends!) that I just pretended my blog doesn't exist until.. well.. today? Ugh I hate commitments (tiberr)

but trust me, I would loveee to write this post because guest why?

KAMA and HAJAR were in the house!!!

(Although I very much despised the time I had to wake up to fetch them. 5am.. -____- really gurl?) 

But I couldn't care less really! (special thanks to my lil sis and my father, I woke up in shock to see I had a few miscalls.. oooops, not sorry haha) so there I went to Penang Sentral looking miserable, with my worn-out tudung and ayaq lioq basi ...tsk. they had seen the worst of me anyway *whisper* BIG look... djsjjs

the morning i fetched them

thus, my pressure to appeal to my guests had officially started!! but joke on me they didn't really care. we went to vision park, we netflix and chill, went out eating, and bought nuggets for our hiking the next day!!!

Masjid Abdullah Fahim next to Vision Park!

and the next day came for our long-awaited hiking! we went out as early as 6.15am.. Alyn came too (I forced her to) and no regret! we had even more fun with her along, and the best part my lil sis tagged along so that means there's a photographer in the house! :P thanks isha.. (I haven't treated her Starbucks smh...)

my lil sis was also the driver, and we used *drum rolls* maps! it was my fifth time going there yet I had never driven there. and it gave me room to tease Kama who was sleepy on our way there, ugh I love her. and Hajar, my partner in crime. 

we were 5 minutes away from Teluk Bahang when the "maps" brought us somewhere I didn't recognize? well I had a big hunch that it was the wrong road bc I didn't remember having to go up the hills, and then we saw the sign:

"Tanah Perkuburan Cina" yep. a cemetery. you read that right. 

Alyn: weh weh kita kat kuboq, tunggu pa gi? tweet tweet! paan tweet!

-_______________- why are we even best friends Alyn istg. you know in horror movie there's a typical character who always celupar and die first? duh, I really almost said goodbye to her. but we made our way back to the main road straight away without any hassle and tada! 

we arrived! 

the mountains stood the same way the last time I saw them except there was only a few people around....and the SOP. glad they adhered to it! we chose to hike to Pantai Kerachut, the usual.

In front of the entrance!

and then we began hiking! the first 10-15 minutes was so hard, my sister lost her breath, we had to take a few rest. I'd been there five times and I still haven't adjusted to the route. It took us 1 hour 30 minutes to finally arrive at pantai kerachut! phewwww. it was almost deserted, we could have pretended it was our private island and everyone in Penang would not doubt it. haha sooo soo worth it!

In the forest..

the weather was fairly warm and windy with the endless view of the sea, and puffy clouds hanging on the sky. and the green of the mountains, the forest- the fresh air.... it's fair to say we enjoyed our private little time there. I'll leave our pictures to do the justice?

Picture on the left, we were all trying to hold our laugh (bc of my spontaneous joke)

and lastly, our signature pose!

we then safely went back to the entrance via boat! surprisingly it was not that tiring? but refreshing instead. at least compared to before. it was so worth it, ugh I love this short trip so much and I am so glad that I brought them here. we drove back and rest a bit... because this is yet to finish! another IPBA guests coming! oh my oh my.... teka siapa? 

till my next post! (if I rajin! muahahaha)

Road-trip to Perlis

Road. Trip. yea, I guess. I mean yeah? We did ride a car going there, but honestly other than going to Isma's uni, we really didn't think of going anywhere else, except maybe planning on taking our lunch at a famous stall, and yea, we did that. it was popular among jeti-goers, according to Mak Isma. and the best part was Mak cik yang belanja hihihihi

oh btw unimap is huge. like the whole area is enormous. I think the whole Perlis is unimap, or maybe 80% of it, but God, I would boast about my uni if I had what they have. the panoramic view of the mountains, green and fog-enshrouded.. imagine waking up to such picturesque view, it would be so motivating for me ewah. konon. but oh, I envy that a lot. other than that, thanks. (KL lrt, you still win don't worry haha)

and after eating lunch, Isma was like, "Takkan kita nak balik dah kot?"

well, thanks Isma for asking the obvious.

and so we continued the road-trip.

wait, have I told you guys how annoying and irritating Alyn was the whole journey? God, I wish I had brought a tape to shut her mouth from pestering us with vexing questions about random plants or things she saw on the road, claiming them as general knowledge. Actually yes, they are general knowledge. BUT you have to hear and see for yourself how she behaved and you would think I was being too nice for not throwing her out– yep. she was That exasperating.

ok done ranting about her.

where were we again?

oh, yes, we were arguing about going to Bukit Ayer OR Gua Kelam after lunch, and we ended up going to both lol now That's a road-trip. I really couldn't get enough of the beautiful sturdy mountains and the fresh paddy field along the road. It took us 30 minutes to Bukit Ayer and another 25 minutes to Gua Kelam, so the whole minutes I was enjoying the sight.. aaah.

and Oh god, both places were so deserted, if somebody had told us we came to a wrong place despite actually standing in front of the signboard, I would definitely believe it. 

Bukit Ayer was a lil bit creepy because we only saw like 5-6 people.... along the road.. so we quickly turned back. and the resorts and houses looked so creepy, like they haven't been occupied for YEARS. but I was glad we at least made it to Taman Herba nearby.

aaaaaand I felt like I won for some reason because I had always wanted to visit Gua Kelam. The last time I went there was when I was six. and I remember this one particular spot vividly and part of me wanted to confirm whether it was real or was it a dream (sometimes I can't differentiate them) and yooooo, it was real!!! it took me 16 years huh...

Gua Kelam, and the spot I remember is real! I think the best thing was the sound of the waterfall, and the cave itself! soooo calm and peaceful. I know and I get why some people find Gua Kelam boring, but hey don't try take it away from me, IT IS worth it.

now to the pictures!

the collage is back lol. goodnight.

First Post-MCO Hangout

This post is gonna be filled with so much satisfaction and joy because I finally met my bestfriends! despite practically meeting them everyday via whatsapp and social medias, the feeling is not the same man. incomparable. I thought I was gonna left rotting until I finally see them, bc you know, with all the orders and regulations. BUT oh well, Alhamdulillah! we are progressing Malaysian! just make sure to always practice new normal outside!

and of course our choice of place is always The steamboat and grill.

Steamboat and grill is like our thing since forever, istg.

Hungry? Steamboat and grill.

Want to catch up stories while munching on food? Steamboat and grill.

Too many options on where to dine? Steamboat and grill.

Steamboat and grill. Steamboat and grill. Steamboat and grill.

The one that had saved our friendship from endlessly arguing about where to eat. yep.

2015-present. Hahaha

Alyn is still a crack with so much toxicity but hey, she's my bestfriend, I'll take it. (jk I am actually plotting a plan) and Isma is still as mad as she is. phew I am glad they did not turn up into a mess I imagined them to be, I was so worried. Worried that Alyn would drive to my house in jamban slippers (wait, Lol it happened) or Isma with tudung terbalik (Gosh she came wearing Duck scarf y'all.. and she slayed) Indeed, I worried for nothing. 

and to the eating event. Nothing to tell here really, we just ate, gossiped a bit, mengata me a lot, just the usual normal stuff.. and then to Vision Park. it's been so long... *teary eyes* In fact the last time I saw Isma, we went to Vision Park too. The place is as tranquil as it was, beautiful, with less crowd, ofc. the lake still looks placid and glassy, and oh the view of the stunning elegant Masjid, still bewitching to the eyes. haih, so much to describe. and I am so gratified that we went there!

and then towards our total last minute plan to Pantai Bersih. Ok this is going to be embarrassing to admit: I'd never been there.... or maybe I had but was too young to remember (honestly pls I can't accept the fact that I had never stepped my foot there) Therefore, thanks Isma! the breeze of a pantai always never fails to calm me and so this one!

we took lots of pictures and selfies as we watched the sunset by the beach! this is why I always say YES to last minute plan! See for yourself (cuz maybe it's just me, really haha) but but! however the pictures are, we still made good memories there, hihi.

tbh, thanks Snapchat filter lol.
and can't wait until the other three can finally join us♡

Hilarious Video-Call

wouldn't be here if it ain't for the video call with syaza. 

we. were. hilarious. 

this is just one of those moments we would probably enjoy doing in IPBA now if we weren't stuck at home. but hey, doing it virtually is fun too. I'll take it. I can't remember the last time both of us sat together to unleash all the inappropriate jokes we have in our minds.

oh come on, we all have that one friend, or MORE THAN ONE FRIEND that choke up bantering just about anything meanwhile you just sit there staring while holding your laugh, waiting for your friend to ACTUALLY start telling her jokes, snorting in between. no?

like this?

We were on a good track and I thought the discussion was going to end smoothly with no damage to our lungs for laughing too much. but nope *cross the list with a big X mark* not today. honestly, poor the screen. it had to witness us losing our minds over small things we joked about, that I am sure we could have been slapped if it was actually a living thing. 

The thing with syaza is that, we can literally stare at each other and burst into laugh. so you can imagine how it was like video-calling with her and even so, we tried so hard to suppress our laugh (because we are at home and it was late at night too. we don't wanna make pontianak jobless) Syaza and I shared so much common ideas, even when they are sometimes stupid and nonsense hahaks and I guess that is why we can comfortably speak to each other. 

and I am so grateful for her, for each of my friend. It's a blessing to be surrounded by friends that wouldn't expose me for the things I do (for obvious reason haha) actually, more like they couldn't because I have the exact same thing against them too. This is how the friendship is withheld tbh, in case you are curious.

Ok but my friends are honestly a bunch of fun people. I don't have many, I really only have a few to express my honest feelings to, so they mean a lot to me. Hope it's the same case for them too (who knows if one of them is actually waiting to kill me, you can't be too complacent with people hhh)

Anyway, I miss my friends so much. really can't wait until the day when the only thing that keeps us apart is the distance less than 1m. aw. haha night!

Hari Raya 2020

this post is overdue, I know. there is nothing much going around and my life, I must say, is boring in the extreme. but I can't bring myself whining about it either. I realize there are people outside who are tested greater and beyond what I am experiencing now. aaaaahhhh chop-chop! enough of the pep-talk, what is this post about again? Oh Hari Raya.

  Selamat Hari Raya!

It's the same for some of us right, given that our movement was restricted? like performing Eid Salaah in the loving company of our family members, the humble preparation for the morning, a little visit to our neighbor's house next door– just enough to remember what this celebration is for and continue harvesting good deeds after.

The solo photo-shoot was rather early this year. I like doing it in the evening better when the sun isn't that blinding like it was that morning. (but come on, I couldn't wait until evening. Changing my attire into shirt and pants was the only thing on my mind the entire morning– which couldn't be accomplished before because of the Raya visits) 

However, I must say I wasn't in disadvantage at all because the pictures came out really good! (puji diri sendiri) Thanks to the flaming and shimmering sun. and oh! oh! I wore eyeliner the first time too, did it myself but ofc, the camera didn't do any justice for that smh *disappointed emoji*

Here to some of my Raya pictures 2020!

LOL to the cringy pink collage :p

We also celebrated my niece 1st birthday with balloons and a cake on that day. It was a rewarding, happy day after all (especially after I changed into a comfortable outfit to relax and chill for the rest of the day. haha :p)

And then to the number of video calls from families and friends! Ugh, I can't express it in words how lucky we are to be in this virtual era of advanced technology- having 6 persons per video call? Impressive and so so much needed, especially in this critical time. After so much fuss and chaos (rolls eyes), I finally got a hold of my friends. We were so uncoordinated for a reason I couldn't figure! haha but it was gratifying to finally see them fit and fiddle, on screen! I caught up on a lot of things with my Irshad and IPBA bestfriends. (except Kakti, Alyn and Isma who legit were there for the ig-worthy screenshot hhh jk) 

My classmates and I also made a spin-off version of the tiktok rush challenge? (please, we are just novices) cuz everyone just did their own version, you can tell we are all amateurs. Below is my part,

(Yes, I only gave them the "after" vid LOL I tried)
special thank to Syida for the amazing edit and compilation hihi

Malam raya was also lively because of my nieces and nephew (oh, aunty miss you hadif and hafiy D:) Alang wasn't on the picture because it's his wife's turn this year, but he brought his family the night before. Bunga api is a tradition at this point haha I was so delighted to be a part of my nieces' early memories about how it is like celebrating Raya. The joy was, of course, unparalleled to what we had back on those days. therefore I found my heart broke a little for them. I know it wasn't as perfect but the night was definitely a merry night. After all, Raya isn't only about that either hihi and once again

Selamat Hari Raya semua! :D

Ramadhan Feast

Alhamdulillah, by the grace of Allah, my family and I successfully cooked for the whole kampung today! never felt as satisfying and rewarding especially when we know people love the delectable and delicious food– Nasi Arab, one of my Mom's signature dishes!

NGL, it was extremely tiring. this whole cooking process for such a big group of people is really not my thing but what choice do you think I have? *wipe tears* however, the thoughts of having people savor the dish over-passed my huge tendency of turning lethargic and by the time I realized, we had already finished everything! yep, 6 hours striving in the kitchen felt like one hour! so so grateful for the strength given!

btw, it is a norm in this kampung that every family, or club can book any date in this holy month if they wish to do a feast. in the past, of course the people would swamp the surau for iftar, but given that we can't do that anymore, the people opt to packing and distributing the food instead♡ only one day isn't booked throughout the month. it's wild honestly haha!

Oh, aside from Nasi Arab, our neighbor made some dadih and chocolate cakes for everyone too and may Allah reward her abundantly!! p/s: eating the two together made them so much more luscious and mellow! istg, you gotta try the next time you see them!

The exciting part for me was to distribute the food to my brothers (they live relatively near to our house) therefore, today marked the first time I went out after almost two months!!! such a history!!! and my bff Alyn is so lucky that I didn't miss her out! thank God, I finally remember how she looks like now lol T___T (she lives few houses away from my brother's)

May Allah give us more will and strength to continue doing this every year!

Here are some pictures I took randomly of SOME of the process :D

   

        

the picture on the left was the first batch of roasted chicken using oven and air-fryer!

 there were like 80 ketol ayam... back-to-back kerjanya haha!

but we thrived fortunately! alhamdulillah.

thank you for the review alyn ahaks!

That's all I guess. hope everyone is doing good♡♡♡♡

Ramadhan + being the eldest

Ramadhan Mubarak!

Alhamdulillah, we are now entering our fifth Ramadhan and I hope everyone is in fine fettle! There are vast differences between Ramadhan previously, compared to this year, but again it's expected. I was looking forward to how it was going to be conducted, and I learn better how it differs for everyone now.

With that being said, if we are living fine, with affectionate parents, or if we get marvellous food served on the table on time without any distress or worry over it, or for even having a roof above us, please, please be grateful and if we really do feel thankful then it all goes back to how we perform dutifully in this blessed and holy month.

Some have to put up with abusive family, which might challenge their mental while fasting, and that alone should give us so much room to reflect upon. we are grateful NOT bc others have it worse, but because Allah is testing us, the same way He's testing them. It is to see how far, or to what degree we are ready to commit ourselves to Him, be it in any way– sedekah, reciting the Holy Quran and more and more!– to show our gratitude!

Secondly, for me, I have now instantly become the eldest in the family with two younger siblings, one a princess, the other a prince (rolleyes). Usually, I would have my two sisters to help with the chores but one is married and the other is away in Australia and I realized how pretty laid back I was when they were around. 

now I understand them so much lol u____u

However, I have to admit that I am having fun with this role, maybe because the sudden rise in the hierarchy makes me freer to do what I want, instead of being told/ordered to do what I'd initially wanted to do. The latter used to annoy me so much, haha but oh, I was just silly. so yeah, I am kind of footloose and fancy-free now except that my commitments are much bigger, especially in the kitchen.

For my Ramadhan goals, I have a lot, and Alhamdulillah I am progressing very well! It helps better if we write our small daily goals before we start our day (preferably before Subuh) so we don't lose our direction, bc you know, we tend to get swayed anyway into doing lagha stuff, haha so yep!! inshaAllah writing down the goals helps!

I pray everyone is progressing the same too! It is never too late as long as you are still alive and kicking! May the differences in this year's Ramadhan impact us deeper and immensely boost our Iman. 

InsyaAllah, at the end of the day, we'll see the hikmah behind everything.

InsyaAllah🤲🏻

My New Favorite Pastime Now

Have you discovered your new favorite pastime during MCO? I think everyone can at least list one thing we discovered about ourselves, because it's like that to me!

I just knew that I loveeee being inside the pondok, as we call it, and mind my own business alone. It's too warm in the house nowadays. I always wake up in the morning covered in sweat. Don't we all? but that's not my point today.

The message I wanna get across today is, should I feel cold or convenient inside the house, I wouldn't learn how more serene it is outside. It took me a swift second to totally fall in love with the vibe as it's incredibly quiet too. As the MCO is extended, there are less cars on the road, leaving me with only the sound of cicadas, the chattering of the squirrels and the chirping of the birds, which have made me feel so calm and harmonious.

Now my routine is just about the same, to reside here under this old hut after Zuhur,  Asar, Maghrib, and today, right after I performed my Subuh. Dragged my blanket and locked myself outside of the house to read and continue my catnap. and again, I can't describe the tranquility of that moment, being watched by the small cute crescent moon, breathing the scent of the morning air.... phew. 100% would do it again.

Such little thing kan? Not like I'd never spent my time here, but it felt waaaay different, and better? Maybe because I have started to be concerned over how my future me would look back at this day, at me, of what I did, so there would be no regret, only an acknowledgement and appreciation to the time spent brilliantly. There are more in fact, but let's just save that for my future me to see!

Special thanks to Mak and Abah too sebab selalu teman :D we usually hang out together lepas kerja and sembahyang! and below are the pictures I'd taken this morning and evening. (sebab cantik hihi)

                           
                                             
The moon! geram.

What Writing a Research Proposal Feel Like to Me

hahahahahahahahahahah
hahahahaha
haha ha
ha ha (gelak nervous)

After a few weeks of keeping my nose to the grindstone, battling and smashing the keyboard to finish my research proposal, I am very happy to say that I get to live to see another day. I don't think people have an idea about how exhausting the life of uni students are right now and sadly I am no exception, except that I am from IPG and we probably have it worse. 

Ever since online classes started, there is an abundance of tutorials to do INDIVIDUALLY and to top all of that, we have to complete our assignment too, which sounds normal? ugh come on? everyone in uni does that.

until... it was time for me to work on my research proposal.

I might be exaggerating saying that it has damaged me a lot? but yeah I guess it's fine to sup coffee day and night, and let that caffeine drove my anxiety up hill, messing with my sleeping pattern and my relationship with my family. yep. no big deal. except that it made me feel stressful. extra stressful.

no cafe hopping to de-stress, no taking the lrt to admire the busy cities, no meeting up with friends, and it made me realize how much I have taken the simplest thing in my life, for granted. who would have imagined that we are gonna get confined in our house this long for a life-threatening reason?

so yeah, in a way it stresses me, it also teaches me something– to not take things for granted again. now is the time to reach out to our friends in need, to look around and care for people, to help and lift each other up.. and increase our amalan! our solah, our Quran recitation. now! is! the! time! it's cliche to say all of this you know, but I am glad I get to see it from such a view. I hope the same for all of you too. Come on, we can do this. (Now that I've completed my research proposal, I think I can do EVERYTHING muahahaha)

I hope to spend more time with my family, do all the above and of course, to leisurely lay down in front of the tv all day, too. Oh, I love the tv. and movies. and here's a picture of my humble and messy desk (which has no role at all in this narrative but I guess you might wanna see where I spent most of my day? ..no? haha)

#NP My Love - Baekhyun

#1Day1Kuliah

What's this #1Day1Kuliah about? Well you bet. Inspired by my parents, I think it's a chance for me, as well, to sit and listen to kuliah agama because I don't feel good letting this opportunity go– this precious time right now. My parents never miss the live kuliah by their favorite tok guru from the kuliah they attended before MCO. Therefore I think, why can't I do the same? So here's my first attempt to write what I have listened to! (I don't intend to write this everyday btw)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

#1Day1Kuliah - Mufti Menk (Stories of the Prophets, Prophet Sulayman A.S.)

Today, I listened to a podcast from our respectful Mufti Menk, and I was again, astonished and humbled. It’s been so long since I last listened to his podcast, and May Allah forgive me for the times I had taken for granted. 

First and foremost, I was attracted to listen to Prophet Sulayman’s story as I was reminded that the only thing I remember about him was that- he could talk to animals, or at least that’s what I remember telling my non-Muslim friend about. Coincidentally today, I was on Surah An-Naml (The Ant) which had further guided me to listen to the podcast!

In conclusion of the podcast I have listened to about Sulayman A.S., he, Sulayman A.S. had everything a mankind could ever ask for, aside from the famous “talking with animals” narration which was already great by itself. Other than that, you name it- he had a perfect attitude of a man and a king, he was given prophet-hood, he was presented with a mighty kingdom with huuuuge armies which include all different kind of creatures from human-kinds, animals, the jin-kinds, whom he had a full control over- whether to jail them, punish them or order them, and on top of all those amazing attributes, he was also given the power to control the wind that it was said he could send  someone to a place which journey would have taken a month, in just a single day by using a plank-- by controlling the wind.

(We probably can't relate to all of those mukjizat right? but remember, He is a Prophet!)

and he was also a JUST man, his armies highly respected him but were also frightened of him and his wisdom was beyond one could ever imagine! and Allah has described that even after ALL of those attributes,

"He, Sulayman A.S. is an excellent worshiper of ours."

Often we are given blessings, after some times of being grateful, Shaytan would trick us and take our Iman away so that we turn away from Him and become arrogant, condescending and haughty. BUT LOOK AT SULAYMAN A.S. MashaAllah, how could we not be humbled? I learned a lot about myself from this single podcast as I reflected my doings.

Honestly, sometimes, I feel great about myself which is not wrong though... 

(It's okay to feel great about yourself, not to the point of riak lah tapi)

but for me, bc it sometimes leads me to think that I have done enough, in a riak kind of way (syaitan lah ni!), this podcast made me realise that... it's really, really wrong of me to feel like that.....

Oh pls, nothing I do would ever be sufficient to what He gives me everyday, so idk what do I feel so great for, for the little amalan I did that I assumed was enough? I should have done moreeee! Therefore, this story humbles me to the core. obviously I am nothing compared to Nabi Sulayman but even so I would love to learn to be humble like him- who was given so many things and never forget to due them to Allah and an excellent worshipper on top of that! whom Allah loves soo much... I wanna be humble in a way that I want to avoid myself from getting complacent with my deeds.. InsyaAllah.

That’s only the gist of what I have listened to. The podcast actually described more of Surah An-Naml, ayah 15-44, from what Sulayman was blessed for, to how smart and wise his du’as are that made Him so loved by Allah, for he has everything yet never forget to due it to Him, down to how he worked with his armies to make Balqis worships Allah.

and by the end of the podcast, it reminds me that there is really NOTHING Allah cannot do, in fact, everything that happens, He knows, and by Him it happens. Kun! Fayakun. Therefore, always, always remember to turn to Him, be dependent on Him for He listens, He plans.

Links: Spotify, Youtube

Surah An-Naml

The Pandemic and the Chaos

a total pandemonium. a complete mayhem. an uncalled chaos. I can go on to describe what we are going through right now, which I believe no one had seen it coming. but these few days it's at least bearable as I am FINALLY with my family now, after all the headaches. because days ago...

was a mess. Allahuakbar.

when Alyn told me that her semester is postponed because of the pandemic, I had an instinct that it was gonna be bad, but it wasn't that bad to the point of what actually happened, especially a day after our prime minister announced the restricted movement order for the whole country. I was only expecting leaves, and thought everyone would be asked to stay in the hostel. but uh.... I don't know what went wrong..

because as of 12pm the following day, we were suddenly asked to immediately evacuate the hostel along with all of our things. I was so furious that I cried right away... I don't think they have an idea how much I hate packing my stuff, and how tiring it is. but I realized that the frontliners are probably facing much greater difficulties than everyone in the campus had that time, which had actually managed to make me hold my horses.

I think I was more aggrieved at the fact that there was little to no communication between the college admins and the students. Everyone just went around and about with rumors, and imagine the chaos in that? I don't know. I was cool at first, but reading too many versions of orders from different people was getting so annoying and by the time I finished filling in evacuation-related docs with my three other classmates, I got even more furious. It's just too toooooo chaotic. and being an average people, ofc, I had to search for someone to blame. and I finally got to pinpoint it to somebody- our own... gomen. Ugh don't get me started.

Banning mass-gathering yet asking people to line up at the police station to get a permission letter for cross-state travelling? woah. brilliant I must say. and the students who had no choice then started to swamp over the police station, bc guess what? we. were. asked. to evacuate. the hostel. where else did they think we would go to other than home? I thought we were working towards flattening the curve? Gosh, if I go further, I swear one of my keyboard keys would fly out because of my aggressiveness in typing all those words.

Luckily, they took it back the same night. I hoped it was not too late.

Honestly, I am still wondering why they had asked us to leave our hostel. ngl, I was a bit happy, but I must say that it was not a smart move, at all. I just pray that all students aren't contaminated with the virus, and each one of us get to be with our family, safe and sound.

It is a long write, a boring one as well. I think the best part of this post would be how I would tell my children later when all of this is over.

I, your mother, survived a freaking zombie apocalypse.

I pray for everyone who's reading this a great health too!
be safe and just! stay! at home!

How I Lost My IC

there's really no cure for carelessness. it's either you aren't born with it or it just sticks to you like an undying habit for the rest of your life. I am speaking for the people who tried to change this but failed, not once BUT MANY TIMES. like me. (prayer circle for us all)

last Saturday, I had a grocery day out with Kama in Mid Valley, and ugh of course, of course my confidence was high that I actually used my IC for lrt, knowing perfectly I could have lost it like how I lost all of his 4 step-brothers. I was thinking, ah... there's no way I would be That careless to let my own IC goes missing. the others are just what? two student rapid cards? two touch'n'go cards? no big deal. my IC would neverrrrrr

or so I thought.

until I was in front of the scanner heading back to IPBA when I stopped mid track and phew.... there it goes. I SUCCESSFULLY DID IT AGAIN. I think I am too immune with this kind of incident that I calmly said to Kama,

"Weh. IC aku hilang."

and there was Kama, standing at the other side of the scanner, panicking. I was like,

"Yes Kama, it happens every time"

She was so confused on how I could let my own IC goes missing and blergh.. again, I went telling her my history, the die-hard habit of mine- that if I hold something, and put it somewhere, 90% of the times I would forget to take it back from who-knows wherever I put it. but kama was still in disbelief,

"....tapi ni IC kot?"

gosh. how do I explain to her that someday even if it's a laptop that I lost, I won't be surprised...? (but Oh Allah please protect me. I can't afford another laptop..)

However, Kama was so keen on asking me to go back to check, when all I had in mind was to go home and, you know, maybe start planning on which day I would be free to create a new IC... but I couldn't bear seeing her holding hope that I could get my IC back, so I just ran my way to AEON alone and asked around, mouth reciting du'a, bc you know, you can never go wrong with du'a anyway, aaaaand nope. my IC was not in sight. at all.

not even by the next day when the aeon customer service told me the same thing.

the same day, I settled everything with the police bc I need their statement to create a new IC, right? and it was done very quickly! Berkat doa.

Told my parents, my parents weren't surprised. Told my friends, they sighed for me, with a note, "Again?", I cackled haha. Told Alyn, she wrote back,

"Akhirnya. Bukan phone yang hilang dulu tapi IC. that's better." -__-

is there a bet on me that I am not aware of?

Btw, here's one of the du'a we can recite if we ever lose something!

Sorry for the hassle that day Kama, love you.

Stars✨

I don't grow up with stories about stars being my fairies that could turn my wishes true, nor the magic behind them. I only remember wondering why these dots of sparkling light were always behind my tail everywhere I went and about which 'guy' that hanged them on the sky...

then I grew up a little, I learned about these cosmics in one of the Science topics called the solar system, and oh- they are called the stars.

However, that didn't immediately stop my curiosity, I was in awe, still am. I feel that part of their being is for a romantic purpose because every single time I look at them, I always hope that the person I love, or long for, or have a crush on is looking at the same dazzling star I am staring at, same goes to the majestic Moon.

Even at this age, I still do the same. I love searching for the brightest star among the bunch, tail it, and keep it on check when I ride a car, or bus- like the star in the picture, it was last night's.