I am not good with words, but I sure can tell when I first thought of it, I was scared. That might be an exaggeration for some of you who know me, bc to you, I might give off an image of a person that is not scared of anything...
When in truth, I felt extremely nervous, and afraid. Those feels did not come to haunt me until I was 3 days away from my first day of practicum. the thought of handling something, including kids in my case, had given me intense anxiety I never knew I had. All those subjects I scored A had never told me how to cope with this... and it made me felt like I was alone. (I mean, I am always alone tapi ish banyak cakap pulak)
HOWEVER,
the first day after I wrapped up my first class with the kids, I can confidently tell you that I was freed from all those feelings. I swear. Like, I had never been so certain in my life that this is what I have been wanting to do, and how happy I was (still am). idk if it's because of the autonomy I was given in class to control the kids, or maybe, it's the mere idea that I could work my brain off to think how to help the kids, and that there is an abundance of them in my mind in which I could have done had I been given more authority, time and money. It's so amusing that every lesson teaches me something new, things I could do to improve my teaching and particularly, myself. There's no space to get bored at all? and oh my my, wouldn't everyone like it? like being busy doing things you LOVE.
oh, there was so much I wish I could change within the school itself too but that's for some years to come I guess uhu ajetnye :)
In short, I am happy. and may this happiness and joy of doing this work last until the day I decide there is something happier I can do, but for now, it's this- teaching the kids as their teacher. lastly Alhamdulillah, who could have known that the fragile me 3 days prior first day of my practicum would prefer teaching than attending classes...
time flies. haha.
